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For more of Hearne, go to kcconfidential.com

DID JOHNNY DARE REALLY SAY THAT?

Posted 5/19/10

Death of an ultra lounge

For the better part of five years, Country Club Plaza hotspot Blonde was the local nightclub to meet smoking hot babes, pay exorbitant drink prices or get spat on by former Chiefs running back Larry Johnson.

Take your pick…

However Father Time and the Power & Light District have teamed to bring down the curtain on that oh-so auspicious era and the club has finally closed.

The low point for Blonde?

“When they stopped being as rigorous at the door and started letting anybody in – like people just walking off the street in flip-flops and shorts,” says local PR bon vivant Will Gregory.

For it’s first illustrious years, “Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday it would be packed with a Who’s Who of Kansas City,” Gregory says. “And they got away with dress code – I wouldn’t say discrimination – but dress code enforcement that Power & Light never would have.”

How cold and wet was it?

There’s little arguing that despite chilly weather and a steady rain, last weekend’s Rockfest in Kansas City’s Penn Valley Park was a kinder, gentler edition of the Rock 98.9 FM’s yearly head-banger hoedown.

“It wasn’t the breast fest it usually is,” says veterinary tech student Kari Stevens. “I only saw one girl in a bikini and, of course, she was covered in goose bumps.”

Hearne on the street…
Separated at birth? KC comic Steve Kramer on the eerie resemblance he noticed about a certain local weather wonk:

“Gary Lezak looks like one of those Wallace and Gromit dolls. Like if a Claymation dog came up and started sniffing his balls, he wouldn’t be surprised.”

Rocking the Casbah: Just last year one of Lawrence’s sleepiest pubs – Dempsey’s – was magically transformed into one of the town’s most popular dining and watering holes by chef extraordinaire Robert Krause…

The secret of Krause’s success: the almighty hamburger, taken to upscale new heights. At last check Dempsey’s was turning out 500 premium burgers a day.

That is until a recent falling out with the pub’s operator…

Now make way for The Burger Stand at the Casbah at 802 Massachusetts with the burgers, of course, homemade ice cream and shakes (including alcoholic shakes a la Kansas City’s Blanc Burger.)

Oh and one more thing, “ a rocking cool hot dog menu,” Krause says. Look for a July 1 opening.

Did Johnny Dare really call KC Parks Commish Aggie Stackhaus a “snatch”? KC Confidential’s Tony Botello swears he heard Dare do it, live on local radio earlier this week after Stackhaus attempted to pull the plug on Dare’s Rockfest.

Something about attendees making too much of a mess and not being mannerly.

“If they don’t have manners, then they need to go somewhere else,” Stackhaus told a newspaper reporter.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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A $100 PARKING TICKET IN A DEAD ZONE

Posted 4/30/10

When’s the last time you got nailed with a $100 parking ticket on a Sunday night in a dead zone?

Guitar Lamp maker Dan Leap’s point exactly. A friend of the Merriam councilman was over late Sunday and parked her car in front of Leap’s building in the vast emptiness of downtown Merriam, Kansas.

Oh yeah, in a one hour parking zone…

Enter John Law, in the form of a Merriam Cop, nosing around said vehicle in a threatening manner.

“I went over and jumped in and moved it for her,” Leap says. “Then Johnny Law goes ahead and writes me a parking ticket for being there over an hour.”

The long-haired Leap – who plays lead guitar in the band Pompous Jack – was steamed. A parking ticket at 7 p.m. on a Sunday night in the middle of nowhere with nothing open anywhere around?

“So I called the city and asked how many parking tickets have been written in the four parking spaces in front of Guitarlamp.com and KC Strings on Merriam Drive and they said, none,” Leap says. “Parking there has been one hour for at least four years and in that time no tickets have been written. And my mom and dad and I – who work across the street – have witnessed several Merriam police officers stop and go into KC Strings to ask people to move without giving them a ticket.”

The piece de resistance: Leap’s ticket was for 115 smackeroos.

“I mean, if you got a parking ticket around here, how much do you think it would be?” Leap asks.

There’s more…
Leap has surveillance cameras showing it was his friend –not he – that parked the offending vehicle. Yet it was he – not the friend and not the friend’s vehicle - that was ticketed.

“That’s how the cop (messed) up,” Leap says. “I talked to an attorney and he said the ticket should have been written to the car. But he wrote it to me personally and I told him it wasn’t my car.”

Leap thinks his video will exonerate him from the parking ticket but so long as the game is afoot….

“My plan is, I’m going to blowup the picture of the cop and do a big window display in my building with it,” Leap says. “I don’t have anything in the windows right now, so I might as well put some art in it – some First Amendment art.”

Hearne on the street…
Lisa & Johnny: The on-air love affair between Rock 98.9 FM’s Johnny Dare and funny grrrl Lisa Lampanelli soldiers on.

The Queen of Mean is in town Friday at the Uptown and is limo-ing in from Wichita after her performance there Thursday to be on Dare’s show Friday morning.

“I remember I once got a complaint from somebody who supposedly was with the NAACP and they were supposed to come down to the station and make trouble,” Lampanelli says. “And Johnny didn’t bat an eye and that’s when I thought, ‘Johnny really gets it.’ ”

Then there was the time Lampanelli was on Dare’s show and a listener brought her a lawn jockey of sorts.

“It was a little black kid in overalls eating watermelon,” she says. “It’s the most racist thing. And I couldn’t leave it in the hotel room because if the maid saw it, she’d think I was a racist and tell everybody. So I took it on the airplane and made (my opening comic) take it through security as a carryon so I wouldn’t have to be seen with it.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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LOOK FOR HOT SUMMER NIGHTS REDUX

Posted 4/23/10

OK so you didn’t happen to be out prom nighting it two weeks back on the Country Club Plaza when all heck broke out in the form of an African-American teen and young adult wilding…

Couldn’t get a date?

Bored by politically correct newspaper reporting by writers who had the night off and weren’t even on the scene?

You’ve come to the right place…

One official – who asked not to be named – offered the following eyewitness account of the melee:

“It was like the Twilight Zone,” he says. “All these sirens were going off all at once. And police cars were whipping around with their lights flashing and sirens blaring and black kids were running everywhere. And white people behind me were going, ‘Is this a riot? Should we get down on the ground?’ And I was like, ‘No, you’ll be fine.’

“And the cops were whipping these u-turns and the kids were all running – it was a crazy feeling. It was just really weird. And the sound was so loud because of being in that gully where the Plaza is.”

Did you know that…

Tuesday was 420 Day in Kansas City and across the nation? The day is inextricably linked to an urban legend about kids using that time – 4:20 p.m. – as code for getting together after school to smoke pot.

Caught up to officials of KC Norml – the local pro hemp support group – and had a chance to ask them where they stood on K-2. You know, the infamous marijuana substitute recently banned in Kansas and on its way to being outlawed in Missouri.

KC Norml prez Brandon Ryan says a recent bill to relax the rules on medical marijuana is a thinly veiled effort to put the kibosh on K-2.

“That they would allow medical cannabis but would ban K-2,” Ryan says. “What I thought was weird was that there were four more co-sponsors on that bill than there were on the medical marijuana (alone bill). It was a very political move.”

That said, “We think (K-2) should be regulated like anything else,” Ryan says. “And cannabis is the safest alternative substance known to man.”

Hot Summer Nights redux

Nine out of ten veteran urban youth violence experts in Westport agree; you won’t see massive kid crowds on the Plaza or elsewhere as long as the nighttime temperatures remain chilly and/or the weather is rainy.

Which is kind of funny, since the Star – which slept through the Plaza riots with its standard issue skeleton weekend reporting staff – sent out a task force of its top guns last Saturday to catch the chaos.

Oops!

The newspaper missed the boat for a second week straight, ignoring the weather and experts advice that it was too cold for the kids. Which naturally didn’t stop the Star from writing a non-story story about the missing-in-action kids being “unexpected.”

Now the game plan is to retool something similar to the old Hot Summer Nights urban youth distraction programs of year’s past.

Just one problem…

“They’re talking about bringing back Hot Summer Nights and that’s fine,” says veteran Westport businessman Bill Nigro. “But they have to run it until 3 a.m. (not 10 p.m. or midnight). Because if they end it early, just like the years they did it, that group leaves - 1,000 people pumped up on soda pop and caffeine – and they want to go out some more. If they end it early, it won’t work.”

Hearne on the street…

The eyes have it: Here’s a bit of news you can use about that spanking new Studio Movie Grill movie and dining complex at Zona Rosa…

Bring your own candy – or should I say, smuggle it in – if chomping on traditional movie fare is a must. You won’t find any to purchase once inside.

Oh and one more thing, whatever you do, avoid sitting in the alternate raised rows of seats. The folks in the row ahead of you may be seated at a lower level, but the seats are not offset. And even with me being 6’3” and only average size folks in front, the dude ahead’s head figured prominently in my recent viewing of the movie “Date Night.”

Check out the photo I took holding the camera at eye level to catch my view of the movie from the raised row.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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GLAZER: PLAZA MOB 'NOT JUST KIDS'

Posted 4/16/10

Not everyone is buying into the idea that last weekend’s late night wilding on the Plaza was made up pretty much entirely by a crowd of mad-as-heck African-American kids.

Take Stanford & Sons comedy club main man Craig Glazer…

For 10 years Glazer ran Club 504, what became a controversial black dance club in Westport. In some eyes, Glazer’s club was the catalyst for those infamous, mob-like packs of what were branded as urban youth.

Sound familiar?

That pretty much how Saturday’s damage-doers on the Plaza were described - high school kids from bad parts of town.

Having born witness to past crowd confusion in Westport and Saturday’s on the Plaza, Glazer has another take.

“They’re not (just) kids, they’re adults,” Glazer says. “Yes there are some kids but  (lots of them) are adult blacks who when they get there have every intention of causing problems.”

Glazer blames officials for blaming it all on the kids. Officials fearful of a situation spiraling out of control.

“It’s just a cover so they can say, “Oh, they’re not adults, they’re just kids.”

For starters, the Plaza needs to man up, Glazer says.

“The way we handled it in Westport at Club 504 is we had a 16-man security staff - predominantly armed - and with off-duty police, too. And that was just at our dance club, not Westport overall.”

Now back to Glazer’s theory that much of the Plaza crowd (and Westport’s in year’s past) were simply punk kids…

“They’re going to come up with this thing (again) that the kids have nowhere to go,” Glazer says. “But that’s (bull). First of all it’s not all kids. They are people looking to gather and a lot of them just want to socialize. But when they gather in large groups, their anger comes out. It’s fueled by alcohol and drugs and they work themselves into a frenzy against what they perceive to be the establishment – and they know they’re not wanted there.”

Here’s how it typically goes down…

“The second (kids) show up somewhere like the Plaza in large groups, the police are called in because the store owners and patrons anticipate violence – and unfortunately that’s true,” Glazer says.

So spare us all the waste of trying to usher into existence nighttime, youth basketball leagues and the like, Glazer says.

“These people don’t want basketball, they want booze and they want to get high and they want sex and they want to party,” Glazer says. “It has nothing to do with youth anything.”

Hearne on the street…

Flashback: A couple years back Glazer was returning from Harrah’s late one weekend night, when he drove south on Broadway near Chubby’s…

…and into a riotous scene populated by hundreds of angry-looking blacks. A man was shot and killed there that night around the time Glazer attempted to pass through. But instead he was met by an angry mob intent on showing him a bad time.

“I had to do a u-turn and drive up on the sidewalk to get out of there,” Glazer says. “I was being chased by several cars – muscle cars – with music blaring and guys leaning out of the windows with weapons in their hands. They chased me until I got like to 31st Street and went west. Then I floored it, got a good lead and then they gave up and turned back.”

What might have happened had Glazer not illegally sped down the sidewalk to escape?

“They’d have either killed me or hurt me really bad,” Glazer says.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com or call 816 509-8733

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STANFORD AND SONS DODGED A BULLET

Posted 4/11/10

Talk about dodging a bullet…

Kansas City’s lone, remaining front line comedy club – Stanford & Sons at The Legends in KCK dodged a bad one four years back  when it decided to pass on opening a new club in the upscale Overland Park development Corbin Park which filed for bankruptcy earlier this year.

“That’s a story the Star hasn’t run – about how bad things are at Corbin Park,” says Stanford’s main man Craig Glazer. “Those guys approached me in 2006 about moving Stanford’s there. They were really nice guys and kind of highfalutin. They kind of reminded me of the movie ‘Giant’ – it seemed like they owned half the state of Nebraska. I’m exaggerating, but that’s the vibe they put out.”

Corbin Park has its success stories - a swishy Von Maur department store, a King Kong-sized Lifetime Fitness and a killer, spanking new J.C. Penney.

It also has acres of scattershot, disheveled, undeveloped, bulldozed land.

“I’ve heard they may have lost a quarter of a billion dollars out there,” Glazer says. “Well, look at it, it’s supposed to be a center that has 70 tenants. Everything from three or four hotels to Stanford’s comedy. High end restaurants, high end clothing and retail – you know, a 2010 Country Club Plaza. Johnson County’s Beverly Hills.”

Where would Glazer be had he opted for Corbin Park over Legends?

“We would never have opened,” Glazer says. “We were going to be like in a nonexistent place on the upper deck of an (area) where there were going to be restaurants, shops and hotels in a circle with parking all around. We’d still be (stuck) at the Hooters Plaza – we would have never left.”

The bottom line: “I think Corbin Park was a great idea,” Glazer says. “They just got caught up in the over-expansion in Kansas City at a bad economic time.”

BBQ Express

At long last, there may be a remedy for those intensely tedious forays into the West Bottoms to take in the American Royal BBQ Contest.

Getting in and out of the stockyards – let alone parking – can be nearly as frustrating as mooching free bites off contestants.

Looks like there may be a fix in this year’s mix.

The coming-this-weekend KC Strip party trolleys are looking into adding the BBQ fest to its route.

“The reason that came up is they want us to do the haunted houses down there,” says Strip honcho Bill Nigro. “We might make them one of the stops, too. Those are all things we’re looking at once we get started.” 

Free to good home: The KC Strip trips – free of charge this weekend only - start this Friday and Saturday and run from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. They will shuttle Cowtowners from restaurants and bars in the Power & Light District to Waldo and points in between.

Hearne on the Street…

A duet by any other name: So intense are popular local crooner/tap dancer/trumpet player Lonnie McFadden’s R&B blowouts at Jardine’s jazz club on the Plaza, he recently had an out of body experience.

So to speak….

“Some cat from California I never met came up and asked me to give him a shout out,” McFadden says. “And the next thing I know he’s on stage with me rapping, and we just rolled. He just jumped up and grabbed the mic. I had my horn and my eyes were closed listening to the music and the next thing I know I heard this rapping.”

McFadden played it polite. At first.

Until said rapper dude, stormed the stage a second time, at which point, “I just suggested he let me do my show,” McFadden says.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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BE CAREFUL STEALING INFO FROM THE STAR

Posted 4/2/10

Funny how the electronic media works…

Murder, mayhem, blazing buildings – they’re all over it! Bad weather? They’ll parallel park cub reporters along meaningless stretches of roadside for hours on end to wring mindless meteorological melodrama from dreary traffic flow.

Must work – everybody’s using the same playbook.

To a lesser extent, television newsies engage in less visual endeavors as well, such as reporting on City Hall, ribbon cuttings and the like. However since they’re massively outgunned, they often follow the news lead of the daily newspaper.

Such was the case last week when the Kansas City Star popped a cork for the coming soon K.C. Strip party trolley system. From the Power & Light District to Waldo the weekend shuttles would ferry locals and out-of-towners alike.

Just one problem…

The Star made a glaring error and omission in describing the route the trolleys would take and the launch date.

Naturally the electronic media hopped on the Star’s front-page trolley story bandwagon, errors and all.

Goof No. 1:

In describing the route the Star omitted Westport, leaving some locals – and local media – with the incorrect impression that the beleaguered party district had been dissed by the K.C. Strippers.

“One of the television news stations did a little piece on the Strip last night and they didn’t have Westport on their map,” says trolley co-organizer Bill Nigro. “And they didn’t call me, so I’m having to call all these stations now. It’s interesting that one article could create such a stir. I’m getting all these calls, like, ‘Hey why isn’t Westport on this thing?’ I’m not losing sleep over it, I’m just calling people to straighten it out.”

Ironically, Nigro is one of Westport’s largest property owners and businessmen.

On top of that, the Star had a front-page error on the start date– reporting it would be Saturday April 10, instead of Friday April 9.

Both errors, though told to the Star by Strip organizers went uncorrected. Leaving a newspaper-reading electronic news media following in the Star’s missteps.

News you can use
Wanna be first on your block to actually know where to catch one those new KC Strip party trolleys when they launch next Friday?

You’ve come to the right place…

From north to south it begins at Raglan Road in the Power & Light District, goes to the Blue Room at 18th and Vine, The Drop in Martini Corner, the Dark Horse Tavern in Westport, O’Dowd’s on the Plaza, the Brooksider in Brookside and The Well in Waldo.
Be sure and wear your party shoes and plenty of cash, as the 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. shuttle will set you back $15 per night.

Hearne on the street…
Phog Allen III speaks: John Allen – grandson of the legendary KU basketball coach – says he wasn’t devastated (as many KU fans were) by the Jayhawk’s loss to Northern Iowa.

“Obviously, it was depressing,” Allen says. “But it’s one of those things where everything went right for them and it didn’t for us. You’ll never convince me that they’re a better team, but we didn’t prove it that day. Don’t worry, we’ll be back and we’ll win more national titles.”

On KU’s ticketing scandal in the athletic department’s fundraising division, “You know, when you’ve got a product as popular as KU basketball, there’ll be skullduggery,” Allen says. “There shouldn’t be, but I notice that MU doesn’t have that problem.”

Was that a shot?

Any lingering ill feelings towards former KU coach Roy Williams, who bolted to North Carolina?

“I don’t have a problem with Roy, he gave us 15 good years,” Allen says. “I’m glad he’s in the NIT this year – I think it’s funny – but he’ll be back.”

For more Hearne check out KC Confidential online at kcconfidential.com

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BIG 12 WASN'T A BIG TIME AT WESTPORT

Posted 3/19/10

 

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KC'S VERSION OF DANICA PATRICK

Posted 2/26/10

Nothing like ratcheting up the drama to make a sexy story even sexier...

Such seems the case where Shawnee Mission East senior Matt Chalk is concerned.
“A Grammy Awards appearance is every musician’s goal, but one area student’s dream came true with a surprise bonus,” writes the Kansas City Star’s Hannah Jennison. “Matt Chalk jammed on stage with the Dave Matthews Band.

“The Shawnee Mission East senior was selected, along with 27 other teens from across the country, for a student group called the Grammy Jazz Ensembles to play at the awards show. But Chalk’s prime-time moment with Dave Matthews was the epitome of being in the right place at the right time.

“The horn players from the Dave Matthews Band got sick, so Chalk and seven other students were asked to move to the main event."

Hold it right there...
“That’s just a bogus story, they got it wrong,” says Laura Chalk, Chalk’s mother. “The Star got it wrong. Nobody got sick.”

What actually went down:
“Matt made the Grammy band and was out there for nine days,” Laura Chalk says. “He played with Kenny Burrell – he’s a guitarist the Grammys were honoring - and Hubert Laws and James Moody – he’s fabulous. And before Matt went out to LA he knew he was going to have a chance to play with Dave Matthews, but he couldn’t tell anybody, it was a secret.

“The Star got the story wrong, they said Dave Matthews’ whole horn section had gotten sick and that wasn’t true. He didn’t have a horn section; he just needed extra instrumentation for his show. So it was planned from the start. I don’t know where that whole sick thing came from but it was not accurate. They had a nice story other than that.”

Chalk says she contacted Jennison to tell her that she made a mistake.
And?

“I haven’t heard anything,” Chalk says.

She’s come a long way from Lakeside
Caught up to Kansas City’s answer to Danica Patrick – Jennifer Jo Cobb – and she’s enjoying something of a race career renaissance in NASCAR’s Camping World Truck Series.

Here’s the deal…
You know, I’ve just been running a few races a year,” Cobb says. “And this is my first full season in the big leagues. So I’m a 37 year-old Rookie of the Year candidate. My competition is (NASCAR bigwig) Richard Childress’s grandson – he’s like 18 years-old.”

Not surprisingly, Cobb’s off track activities never fail to amuse.
“Did you hear about my golf cart story?” Cobb queries. “I left the Kansas Speedway – I only live two miles away – and one of the NASCAR team owners had loaned me his golf cart. And I was just going to drive it home. So I left the track and went into the flow of traffic and the police just waved me on. Then I got stopped a block from my house by a KCK police officer and he was irate.

“But the best part of the story is a drunk, like bum guy had hopped on to the back of the cart and when the cop pulled me over he just jumped off and ran away. I was really afraid I was going to go to jail and lose the owner’s golf cart.”

The arresting officer had to leave to attend to post race traffic, so Cobb waited and waited until another policeman came by and sent her on her way – all of one block.
Cobb will return to the Kansas Speedway for the O'Reilly Auto Parts 250 on May 2nd.

Hearne on the Street…
No shows unanimous: About the recent roast of KY102 legend Max Floyd at the Uptown Theater’s new Conspiracy room…

“What struck me about the affair was the people from KY who didn’t show up,” says attendee Corky Williams of Bob Hamilton Plumbing. “Dick Wilson and Jay Cooper weren’t there. Frankie wasn’t there. Tanna had an excuse, she wasn’t there. Larry Moffitt wasn’t there. Vaughn Mack wasn’t there. I mean, we’re talking the original staff. I’m crazy about Max and I’m honored to know him. I’m just surprise that more of his compatriots weren’t there.”

The roast, which featured a performance by local 70s/80s rockers Shooting Star, drew around 300 people after being moved from the Uptown's main stage which can accommodate crowds of up to 2,000 and change.

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KCPT PULLS PLUG ON ITS TV DINNER

Posted 2/20/10

 

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The latest on embattled T-shirt vendor

Posted 2/12/10

Joe College Update:
The latest on embattled Lawrence T-shirt vendor Larry Sinks…

Some students in KU journalism professor Diane O’Byrne’s class held a benefit concert recently to raise money and call attention to Sinks First Amendment rights in his legal struggle with KU over whether slogans like “Muck Fizzou” and “Our Coach Can Eat Your Coach” infringe on the school's trademarks.

Barstow School grad Hollie Farrahi led the fundraising charge for Sinks store, Joe College.Com.

"All I can say is I'm really proud of the fact that Hol ley believes this is a freedom of speech issue," O'Byrne says. "And the fact that not only does she believe it, but backed up her belief with action."

Sinks concurs.

"Hollie informed me they want to bring attention to what has happened here and try to bring about the freedom of speech where you can print whatever you want on a T-shirt as long as you're not using their actual marks," Sinks told the Lawrence Journal World. "She told me there was a group of students on campus that really believe what I'm doing is OK. The students are behind me."

The flip side of that argument…

Associate KU athletic director Jim Marchiony’s contention : that KU’s four year, seven-figure legal hammering of Sinks and Joe College was somehow meant to protect the interests of both the university and its students.

"Every unlicensed product that is purchased means that a licensed product is not purchased, and that takes scholarship money away from KU students," he told the Journal World.

Hold it right there…
That’s a rather large leap to suggest that KU fans wanting to make irreverent statements and take digs at MU or K-State would merely blow their bucks on tres vanilla Jayhawk garb given no alternative option.

Meanwhile back at the O.K. Corral, Sinks is appealing a nearly $700,000 judgment against him by KU. He’s also trying to settle with KU and get on with his life.

“One of my offers to them was to close the store to settle this thing and make it go away,” Sinks told the Journal World. “They haven't answered those offers. Their offer was, 'We want to know every dime that you have.'"

As for Farrahi, KU’s athletic department rewarded her efforts on Sinks behalf by sending her what she described as a “very rude” and “condescending” email expressing its unhappiness with the Joe College benefit.

Farrahi was out of the country and couldn't be reached for this column.

Hearne on the street…
Out of there alert: Westport’s fabled Corner Restaurant is no more. That after more than 30 years of catering to the morning after and local greasy spoon crowds.

Former Corner manager Lori Sydney described the Corner crowd to me several years back.

"Everybody comes down here still," Sydney told me. "Everybody from Jim Glover to, shall we say, the leftover bar crowd to Johnson County housewives. Lots of Art Institute people. We've lost the turban crowd - they go to the Jerusalem Cafe. We lost the gay crowd - they go to Sharp's in Brookside - but they're starting to come back. And the bus drivers all come in."

The Corner was the Capital of Quirky.
"We like to play a lot of games here," Sidney said. "We have secret names and code words here. My code name is 'Secret Squirrel.' And you just met Corncake Dave. His momma didn't name him that, we did. And this guy over here (recently deceased KC Tribune editor Tom Bogdon) is Mr. Milk. I don't know if he knows that. And Naked Body Larry is artist Larry Kirkwood, 'cause he does nude body castings.

"Table 9 is 'The Breakup Table.’ People actually come in and use that table to break up. It's quite sad. So whenever someone sits at Table 9 we start to worry."

How the breakup table earned that distinction?

"Cuz it's tucked in the corner and people think no one can see them, or they don't want to make a fuss if they're in public," Sydney explains. "But the heartbroken person always does. My advice: Don't break up in public.”

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Guido's Facebook mockumentary

Posted 2/5/10

On your marks, get set, Confession Cam!

This just in from Metropolitan Transportation Group head Bill George: come March 5th George will unleash a fleet of weekend transports to be called the Kansas City Strip. The trolleys will ferry locals to restaurants and bars from downtown Kansas City to Waldo and party points in between. Including Martini Corner, 18th and Vine, Westport, the Plaza and Brookside.

“It will run on Friday and Saturday nights from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m.,” George says. “Fifteen dollars gets you a wristband for the evening and in participating bars and restaurants will offer hourly specials that will be more than enough to recoup the cost of the bands.”

The rational for the KC Strip is threefold:

“To encourage people to get out and about in Kansas City. There’s a real issue with people staying home and it’s a fun way to get people to come out and try some new places.

“Number two, the fear of getting a DUI is keeping a lot of people at home or very close to home. And this is an opportunity to get out without worrying about driving or parking.

“Third, there are lots of people in hotels and conventioneers in town that would like to experience Kansas City nightlife.”

One last minute concern: that the name K.C. Strip might call to mind strip clubs as opposed to the Cowtown’s namesake steaks. But fear not, no juice bars or so-called gentlemen’s clubs will be on the route.

One more detail…

“All of the drivers will be skilled tour guides and will have a wealth of information and fun facts about Kansas City,” George says. “And all of the trolleys will be equipped with a Confession Cam. On one of the benches towards the back will be a button you can press and it will record whatever message or shout out anybody wants. Then we’ll upload it the next day to our Web site kansascitystrip.com.”

Judge, jury, executioner

Kansas City musical expatriate Joe “Guido Toledo” Welsh – now of Nashville – was literally stunned by the results of Sunday night’s Grammy Awards. The former 4 Sknns front man was not about to let the awards outrages of the night go un-hammered.

“The economy and jobs market is not the only thing sucking in this country right now,” Guido says. “The music business has descended into melody-less, talentless, crotch-grabbing, computer-enhanced sewage that simply boggles the mind.

“There are no real "artists" any more. Only commerce-driven junk that zeros in on the lowest common denominator for a quick buck.”

A few highlights from Guido’s Facebook mockumentary:

*** Lady Gaga is up first: I have two words. Please stop. The faux crowd loves it. Oops. That's their gig tonight.

*** And song of the year is.... Beyonce "Single Ladies." Cool. Songs of the year no longer have to have choruses or chord changes. Nice!

*** Best country album is.... Taylor Swift.

I will refrain from comment (for now) on her as I still live in Nashville.

*** Pink!!!!! I really dig her music these days. A true exception to the norm out there now, IMHO. Nice cat suit! Who else can sing upside down? Loved it! Pink rules

*** Best new artist.... Zac Brown. Hell, yeah! I like his stuff!

*** Miley Cyrus up to introduce Black Eyed Peas.... Lemme say right up front....Can't stand these guys. I DON'T get it. Boring, repetitive, looped, melodically challenged, watered down hip hop lameness. Zzzzzzz...another chorus-less piece of poo.

*** Ringo and Norah present Record of the Year.. Kings of Leon! Cool. I'm OK wif dat.

*** Urgh. Now Stevie Nicks, who apparently has not changed her outfit since '83. Wow. What.... never mind. No comment.

Guido’s bottom line: “Tweeners rule, I suppose.... the only demographic that still buys music.”

Hearne on the street…

Super Sunday, be there or else. K.C. Confidential is looking for a few good men and women to party and rub elbows with some of K.C.’s top celebs and watch the Super Bowl this Sunday at Jardine’s on the Plaza. The hottest young guns in local jazz, the Steve Lambert Quartet will perform before and after the big game. Miss at your own risk!

 

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Joe Posnanski hasn't delivered the goods

Posted 1/30/10

Hold the handwringing and the nail biting…

The fate of Kansas City’s historic Rockhill Tennis Club may yet be uncertain however the talk of its going bye-bye are way premature. That according to the club’s project relocation manager Chip Walsh.

“It is our timeline to be relocated and have ownership of the (Nelly Don) house in the next 60 to 120 days,” Walsh says. “We’re still going forward and we realize that this is going to be an evolutionary process not a revolutionary process.”

The club is being forced from its current home at 4520 Kenwood by landlord the Nelson-Atkins Museum. It’s new digs – should everything work out - are at 5236 Cherry.

As for concerns by the club’s hoped-for future neighbors in Crestwood, “We are working with Crestwood and we view Crestwood as a partner in this,” Walsh says. “We do no presuppose that they would just grant us anything and everything we would like to have.”

To that end, the club plans to submit a proposal to the hood next week that would allow for construction of a swimming pool and four tennis courts with appropriate screening.

And while neighborhoods are pretty much universally goosy when it comes to new development, Walsh points to the Rockhill Club’s “proud 95 year history as a midtown organization,” its positive contributions in its current area and “how hard the Rockhill Homeowners Association has fought to keep the club in its current location.”

“That said, we are respectful of the fact that Crestwood is not Rockhill and some residents to have some concerns,” Walsh says. “And we are working with them to find a responsible middle ground.”

Next up the club needs to raise a cool $4 million in financing, $3.2 million in debt and $850,000 in equity from “member investors.” The Rockhill Club currently has a roster of 220 members.

Going, going…?

One of the last of a dying breed – well read Kansas City Star columnists – sports scribe Joe Posnanski more-or-less tiptoed out of the newspaper’s pages early last August.

“Posnanski to Sports Illustrated: Going…but not really leaving,” a Star headline hedged.

“The Star is part of our family, and editors and friends - one and the same - have kindly asked me to write for The Star regularly,” Posnanski wrote. “Most weeks, you’ll still find my column here.”

Au contraire…

Since making that pledge, Posnanski has written but 11 posts. Five in August, one in September, one in October, three in November, zero in December and one last week. That’s a far cry from delivering the goods three to four times a week or better.

Still the newspaper insists to propagate the illusion that Posnanski is still in its fold.

Though Posnanski’s most current post is listed as “special to the Star,”  his columnist biography is listed alongside, boasting of his being named “best sports columnist in America.”

That despite only one column in two months.

Memo to Star editors: JoPo doesn’t work there anymore; he works for Sports Illustrated.

Which may explain to some extent the beleaguered newspaper’s attempt to hang on to Jason Whitlock. That in spite of talk that the popular sports stir-things-upper’s paycheck was whacked from $165,000 to $125,000 during the cost cuts last year.

Manners, anyone?

After a banner 2009, Midland by AMC manager Larry Hovick is tanned, ready and rested – figuratively speaking of course - to kick you-know-what and take names.

Names that include Everclear (1-26), B.B. King and Buddy Guy (2-19), Norah Jones (3-6) and Mark Knopfler (4-21). 

As for the kicking portion of the equation, a pair of peeves have Hovick and his brethren on the warpath; smoking and chewing gum.

“Have you ever looked at someone take a deep pull on a cigarette – do they look hot?” Hovick says. “Can’t you go two hours without a cigarette? What do you do when you’re on an airplane?”

Translation: quit smoking or at least take it to the great outdoors.

The disposal of chewing gum is another matter…

“Like where in the (heck) did you grow up that your momma allowed you to spit gum out on the floor in the house,” Hovick says. “Really! Didn’t you get slapped in the back of the head for being so rude? It is quite the pain in the (rear) to remove gum from the floor with or without carpet. Really people – as they say on ESPN, Come on Man!”

 

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More snow to come, Gary Lezak says

Posted 1/22/10

Don’t look now but Old Man Winter ain’t done yet…

Not by a long shot, says KSHB TV weather wonk Gary Lezak. Dude should know. Using his LRC (Lezak’s Recurring Cycle) theory, the G Man called last month’s White Christmas on Dec. 1 and forecast for up to 32 inches of snow last November – and we’re at 23 and counting now.

But before Lezak unleashes the bad news to come, check out this damage report to date from Roger Peugeot (aka Roger the Plumber).

“We had about two weeks of frozen pipes,” Roger says. “But the real killer came on Jan. 7 and 8 when it got below zero. There were people who had pipes that burst but no water squirted out of them until the ice turned back into water again on Saturday, Jan. 9. I don’t think there were enough plumbers in this town to take care of all the pipes that Saturday.”

One sad reality: ‘You know, we though we advertise 24 hour service, we can’t work our people 24 hours straight ,” Roger says. “They can only work 12 or 15 hours – then they have to go home and rest.”

It gets worse…

“We had about five days of repairing pipes because some of them showed up later because people were out of town,” Roger says. “The real disaster were the people who had left town and turned down their heat, then came home to a flooded house.”

KC Confidential readers may recall Roger warned locals to open their closet and cabinet doors and turn their heat up just prior to the cold snap.

“The people who did that didn’t have any problems,” Roger says.

Worst or the worst?

“We had one guy in South Overland Park who went to Brazil for a month and turned his heat all the way off,” Roger says. “Oh my God, when he walked into his house all of his toilets had froze and broke, the shower faucets had blown apart and he had several dozen pipes that were split that you could look inside the splits and see the ice.

“My advice to him was to turn off the main water and turn the heat back on. Then we spent three days there fixing everything. Because there was no heat and the pipes couldn’t thaw, there was no water damage. But we did have to cut holes in the walls to repair some of the burst pipes and he had to stay in a hotel for two nights.”

That’s the worst weather horror story Lezak’s heard, but don’t count out the possibility of more to come.

“I predicted (Monday) that between now and the end of March we will be hit by multiple snowstorms based on my LRC theory,” Lezak says. “I am predicting we will have 18 more inches of snow and that’s a lot of snow considering we’ve already had 23 inches.

That will put us up to 41 and 65 I think is the record. The only way we’ll get close to that is if we get absolutely blasted by two of these snowstorms and that’s not out of the question. So we’re about halfway through the snow this season.”

Stay tuned!

For more of Hearne, go to kcconfidential.com

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Some of Wendall Anschutz's greatest hits

Posted 1/18/10

The passing of Channel 5 broadcast legend Wendall Anschutz last week brings to mind the KCTV anchor’s colorful exploits as documented in my column in the Kansas City Star.

The veteran newsman may have waxed conservative to viewers, but he had an edgier side as well. Think of this column as my version of Wendall Anschutz Greatest Hits!
Take my then untold story in 1994 of Channel 5’s run-in with NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle. In 1970, the station’s manager had illegally videotaped the Chiefs 1970 Super Bowl victory and recast the game at 10:30 p.m. without the NFL’s permission.

“The odds of Channel 5 pirating another replay?” I asked Anschutz. "Zero," he responded. "If you'd do it today, who knows what the consequences would be with your affiliation. But back then it was a much looser time, and I'm sure they thought, `Gee, this would be great for the fans.'"

Or the time Anschutz travel agent messed up causing him to miss his flight to Lisbon, Portugal. The highlight of that summer’s vacation:

“Getting pick pocketed in Madrid," Anschutz told me. "(My wife) Nita saw them and it happened so fast, but we were immediately on to them and the next thing I remember looking at was a guy right in front of me, about two feet away with my wallet wide open in his hands. I went for it, he dropped it and ran and as I wheeled around I caught his buddy and held him."

When KCTV demoted longtime anchor Anne Peterson that fall, Anschutz waxed sentimental following the pair’s final cast together after 15 years.

"She had a little farewell, and we gave each other presents," he told me. "I gave her roses and she gave me a letter opener with the dates of our shows, from when we started to when we finished. It's kind of hard to just shut it off."

Around Valentine’s Day 1996, Channel 4 anchor Phil Witt laid claim on KCMO radio to being the youngest anchor, taking something of a shot at Anschutz and Channel 9’s Larry Moore.

"I'm still the young buck of the male anchors in town," Witt said. "Larry and Wendall have been here since God had his news conference and created the earth."

Let the record show that a check of Witt’s age then pegged him at 44, which would make the “young buck” 58 today.

When Anschutz’s cousin, billionaire Philip Anschutz, made headlines in 1997 for his involvement in the developing Major League Soccer, I asked Wendall if any of his cousin’s billions had rubbed off on him.

"Not quite," Wendall quipped. "He's worth $5.2 billion. He's above Ted Turner. He was higher on the list. He's got something on the ball I don't."

Wendall's place on that list: "It doesn't go (down) that far," he joked.

Anschutz let his hair (and perhaps his guard) down later that year, commenting on the air about the new shape Barbie dolls had been given, media maven Tracy Thomas told me.
According to Thomas, Anschutz said: " 'Let me get this straight. Her hips will be narrower. Her waist will be wider.' And then he stammered and stuttered a little and said, 'And she'll be smaller on top. Sounds to me like she's going to look like a canoe.' "

Thomas' take at the time: "This was not a scripted deal, you could tell. I mean, the weatherman was losing it. But only Wendall would make a boating analogy out of Barbie."

When Marty Schottenheimer skipped town in 1999, the raging question in the ad world was who would replace the Chiefs coach as “The Man from Trane.”

Tip line suggestions ranged from Anschutz to Plaza panhandler Jerry Mazer. Naturally, Anschutz was flattered to be included in such elite company.

In 2001 at the end of his broadcast career, Anschutz waxed back to his most helatious on-camera moment.

"We were doing a story on an airplane at Forbes Field and there was a show the next day, and there was this guy with an old biplane and it had a wing-walker on it," Anschutz recalled. "And he said, 'If you try it, you'll love it' and 'I'll be watching you the whole time.'"

Anschutz went for it.

"When we broke ground, that wind was 95 mph and I was standing up on that wing," he shuddered. "I was terrified. And I was old enough to know better, 38 or 39."

How intense was it?

"I don't think I would have come off of there," Anschutz said. "But if I'd lost my footing, I'd have been flapping around up there. And I looked back at the guy a couple times and he never looked at me once."

Anschutz picked up a hefty check at the time of his retirement, reportedly for $300,000 plus added benefits that brought the value of his exit strategy to a cool half million smackers. It was KCTV's standard buyout deal, I reported.

"He didn't have to go and we certainly weren't encouraging him to go," a KCTV news insider told me at the time. "But he's had serious health problems. Ten years ago he had a stroke."

Anschutz vowed at the time to paint and write a book. He came through on the painting and his artwork is still available at anschutzart.com.

As for the threatened book, “Everybody has to write a book at least one time in their life,” he told me.

A Channel 5 tell-all, I asked?

“Not much to tell,” he quipped. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

Anything steamy like the movie “Network?” I pressed.

"You know, (we) work so hard here (we) don't have too much time for sex," Anschutz laughed. "We only have about 12 reporters here and you guys(the Star)have about 200. You're the ones who have time for sex.”

For more of Hearne, go to www.kcconfidential.com

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Randy Miller to do online radio show

Posted 1/8/10

One of Kansas City’s finest is out making history…

For the past dozen or so years former Pitch editor Jim Hense has been living large in the wilds of LA producing shows for the History and Discovery channels.

“My latest masterpiece is January 15,” Hense says. “It’s a debut episode of a show called ‘Life After People’ – a very popular show on the History Channel.”

What it is: “It presupposes what would happen to the physical world if you removed people from the equation,” Hense explains. “What happens to bridges, statues, buildings, industrial waste, animals, dogs.”

Dogs?

“Yeah, we have a dog story coming up as a matter of fact,” Hense says. “We’re going to find out what happens to the Obama’s family dog, the Portuguese Water Dog named Bo. You know, he’s cooped up in the White House and all of a sudden everybody’s gone and he has to escape from the White House and make it on the streets. And he starts clamming on the Chesapeake Bay and living on seafood. I can’t give it all away – you’ll have to tune in to find out.”

An episode of Hense’s “The Wrath of God” debuted yesterday (Tuesday) on the History Channel.

“It’s all about famous religious structures and how they’re going to fall apart, what’s going to happen to them,” Hense says. “We use computer-generated CGIs to show you how they’re going to fall apart. I write and direct all the episodes.”

Hense’s bottom line: “I’m not in the super high world of Hollywood, where the big (wigs) swing. But it’s kind of cool; I get to do my own thing and stay below the radar. I’ve probably produced 40 hours of television over the past 10 or 12 years. It’s fun stuff. This past year I’ve been to Japan, Cambodia, South Africa, Namibia, Italy and Hawaii.”

Ghosts of Pitch past
A little known fact is that Hense was the first full-time editor of the Pitch in the mid 1980s when it disembarked from Pennylane Records in Westport and set sail for the wide world of alternative journalism. Full disclosure: I hired him.

Hense's wildest memory from those bygone daze?

“I remember one night drinking like whatever the version of Red Bull was back then and popping No Doze trying to get the Pitch out. And going out the next morning trembling and shaking. Those were the kind of work conditions we suffered at the Pitch in those days.

“And all the Jack & Cokes coming out of that office. And jumping in the Probe and going to concerts in Lawrence and stopping along the way to see Missouri beat Kansas at Allen Field House and you making me eat all those turkey fries at Don’s Steak House in Lawrence - but I’ll eat anything. I ate a whole steamed turtle in Cambodia. I’m talking about the whole animal, you just reach over and grab a claw.”

Hearne on the street…
Miller time: This just in from former Q104 bad boy Randy Miller: Miller will unleash a new local radio show streaming online at kcplradio.com on January 11 from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. weekdays.

“It’s going to be the most exciting thing in the most exciting place in Kansas City,” Miller says. “We’re going to do it from the Savvy Coffee & Wine Bar in the Power & Light District and we’ll build a studio down there.”

Gifts that keep on giving: Hard to top Steve “Hannibal” Hayes holiday gift haul. The Waldo Bar & Grill owner says, “I got a got a light saber and megaphone for behind the bar and a disco ball gun that you shoot on the wall or ceiling and it spins like a disco ball. I also got a bubble gun that shoots bubbles and sparks – it pretty cool.”

Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com

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A list of coolest, weirdest gifts

Posted 12/31/09

Holiday 2009, it’s all over but the shouting…

Now it’s time to put it in the books; the coolest, weirdest most unusual gifts given or received and the resolutions or plans for 2010 of some of the Cowtown’s top names.
In the case of KCTV sparkplug Dana Wright, “I got a vitamin d lamp...and a coach watch,” she says. “Guess which gift didn’t go back to the store?”

Her resolution: “Not receiving another vitamin D lamp – OK, that’s a joke - my true resolution is my girlfriend and I are starting weekly personal training classes, and my goal is to stick with it!”

Johnson County Board of Commissioners Chair Annabeth Surbaugh: “I have a friend who cooks a lot and I eat with him a lot and he’s right-handed and I’m left-handed,” Surbaugh says. “And while he was cooking one day he said, ‘I don’t get it, all of my measuring cups are made for people like you and I have to turn the cup around to see the American cup measurements.’ So I looked everywhere and finally found him a right-handed cup at a Hy-Vee.”

Surbaugh’s resolution: “To take better care of myself and win re-election in November.”

One wild card: will it entail beating back former OP mayor Ed Eilert?

KSHB weather wonk Gary Lezak: “The coolest gift I ever received was a collage-like mural piece of art right after I started working at NBC Action News around Christmas 1999,” Lezak says. “It was done in colored pencil and was an elaborate detailing of everything (that was) me at that time. It has a Chiefs hat, references to my current and former employer, loads of weather images and is one of the most creative things I have ever seen. It hangs in my office to this day.”

As for this year, “Not sure I got anything really bad!,” Lezak quips. “I did receive glow in the dark stars and planets that you can place on your ceiling.....which I did.”

The G Man’s rez: “To be more organized with regards to my workspace. I spend a lot of time focusing on the weather data and forecasting as well as my new company LRCWeather.com, and maintaining a clean office space often takes a backseat to that.”

Johnson County Sun main man Steve Rose: “I’ll tell you the truth, we postponed all the big gifts this year because our daughter Rebecca is getting married in Mexico in January,” Rose says.

Rose’s rez: “I’d like to see all my predictions in the January 7 Sun come true, so I look like a genius. I have a 70 percent track record the past five years and some of my predictions this year will come as a surprise.”

Nara restaurant and bar owner Casey Adams: “The coolest gift I gave was an Elmer Fudd hat to my girlfriend Jen. It’s like a Russian hunting cap with the ear flaps and she was so excited to get it she wore it for three days straight - she even took a nap in it.”
Adams rez: “To help develop and be an active part in an organization of downtown independent bars and restaurants to get the word out that there is a real urban culture own here. And that downtown as more to offer than just an entertainment district and an arena.”

Fox 4 movie critic Shawn Edwards: “I was over in London for the premier of Avatar and they gave me a really cool LG Expo cell phone through AT&T. It was loaded with photos from the film and was skinned in the Avatar logo with the blue alien. So I gave that to my 11 year-old son Xavier.”

Edwards rez: “I want to focus more on film making and finish a documentary I’m working on now focusing on the 25 most romantic black movies of all time.”

Uptown Theater honcho Larry Sells: “I didn’t get anything,” Sells says. “This is not the season to be spending money foolishly; tis the season to stock up.”

And for 2010: “I want to get my Brunch & Blues established at the Conspiracy,” Sells says. “It will be an all-day Sunday mix of healthy foods, conversation and blues music. We want to be ready for the 2012 awakening where people become aware of healthy food and the environment. It’s going to be a year of awakening, the changing of an age.”

Mo. State Rep Jason Grill: “My most unique gift was a framed panoramic print of Thomas Hart Benton’s ‘A Social History of Missouri,’ which was painted in the House Lounge at the Missouri State capitol,” Grill says. “My New Year’s Resolution is to run for 30 minutes at least four days a week and take my grandmother to a movie at least once a month.”

Jasper’s chef J.J. Mirabile: “My most unusual gift was a flip video for my computer where I can take a video of myself, a dinner or an event and it puts it on YouTube instantly,” Mirabile says. “It’s unbelievable!”

His rez: “To cook more farm-to-table events with local farmers at the restaurant.”

Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com

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Local comic recalls growing up in PC

Posted 12/24/09

Nothing like a little Yuletide nastiness to heat up the holidays…

So it is that the war of words between Prairie Villagers Mike “Father Christmas” Babick and next neighbors Angela and Hossein Orangifard soldiers on.

The dispute centers on damage allegedly done to two of Orangifard’s vehicles and their son’s basketball goal after part of Babick’s fantastical holiday display blew onto their property during a storm last January.

“The problem was (his) boxes were not properly secured, that’s our whole point,” Angela says. “This is just something silly and something he should be held responsible for.”

Babick claims the damage was inconsequential however, according to an estimate by the Roe Body Shop the repairs totaled $1,769.17.

“It’s just a grudge match now,” Babick says of the feud. “And she’s going to try everything to cause us problems.”

There’s more to the story, Angela argues.

“After his boxes blew into our yard (Mike) came over and he was shaking and crying and said, ‘I’m going to do right by you’ and my husband helped him clean it all up.”

Until the incident, everybody got along fine, Angela says.

“We’ve been here for six years,” she says. “And we’ve given him materials for his display; my husband has given him lumber left over from jobs – we gave him a picture window.”

The Orangifards say they had high hopes when they first moved into the ‘hood.

“We had just moved back from Iran and my husband had put an offer on our house before he’d seen it,” Angela says. “And I fell in love with the house and thought, my son’s going to grow up thinking Santa Claus lives next door.”

That was then…

 “I’m happy that people enjoy it and part of the reason we bought this house is I was pregnant and I thought my kids are going to be so happy growing up next to something like this,” Angela continues. “But last February Mike dropped the F-bomb in front of my six year-old son, so now that’s the memory my son is going to have about the Christmas house…He actually told my husband last year to go back to Iran. So this little Father Christmas has a dark side to him.”

A dark side that erupted into a shouting match between Babick’s family and the Orangifards during an insurance company meeting to discuss the damage.

“Mike and his daughter came out and started yelling at us,” Angela says. “And it got really ugly.”

The Orangifard’s bottom line: “It is incredible, it’s amazing that somebody puts this much effort into a display one time a year,” Angela says. “I just wish he would put that much effort into the rest of his house and the yard and building relationships with the neighbors, because that’s something he does not do.”

From cow tipping to Kiss TV

Veteran local comic Will C breezed in for the holidays and a gig last week at Stanford & Sons comedy club in The Legends.

“My aunt  Lucile  Jones used to own the Platte County Landmark,” Will C says.

His wildest memories of growing up in Platte City: “Cow tipping.”

These  days Will C gets his wildness appearing on the A&E reality show “Family Jewels” with Kiss front man Gene Simmons and his longtime grrrlfriend erotic film star Shannon Tweed.

“I play the handyman,” Will C says. “Kiss is touring right now, so we’re kind of at a standstill.”

The skinny on Simmons?

“Believe it or not, he’s a lot calmer than people believe he is,” Will C says. “And he speaks six languages, he’s the smartest guy I’ve ever met. And he has a whole wing of his house that’s like a Kiss museum. Of course it was an honor to be allowed to see it. It’s like a bank vault, it’s so secure and he knows everything that’s in there.”

As for the behind-the-scenes on the show, “The funniest thing is they will not let you use the bathrooms in their house,” Will C says. “So they have a security guard escort you to this Johnny on the Spot and then there’s two guys waiting for you while you’re in there.”

Even Will C’s wife gets in on the Hollywood celeb action.

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Are you dreaming of a white Christmas?

Posted 12/18/09

Dreaming of a White Christmas?

This year we get two shots at it; December 25th as usual and again for one week starting January 5 at the Music Hall with actress/singer Lorna Luft.

“It’s based on the classic 1954 musical with Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney and Danny Kaye,” Luft says. “It’s a wonderful show about two couples - a song and dance team – and they go to Vermont. It’s a love story. It’s just the most charming musical that was adapted for the stage five years ago.”

Luft – Judy Garland’s daughter - did the show for two years in the United Kingdom before joining the touring cast this year.

“It’s got tap dancing, and you know the words to every song,” Luft says. “And when (the actor) who plays Bing Crosby’s part says, ‘Come on folks, if you know the words to this song sing along, people go crazy and then it snows on the stage and it snows on the audience.”

Hold it, snows on the audience?

“Oh yeah, it sure does,” Luft says. “It’s a massive show; it’s the biggest tour on the road now and this is the first time this show has toured. It has not toured until now only because of the size of it. I think we’re up to 11 semi trucks to move this - it’s huge. It is the Broadway tour - they didn’t cut down on anything – it is a spectacle.”

A spectacle that goes down after Christmas and after New Year’s.

“You know, strictly because it’s a classic,” Luft explains. “The movie runs on television all the time and we run the show way past January 1st. We close in your city January 10th and that’s the longest you can run this show. We started sometime around the beginning of November.”

As for the in-theater snowfall, color it intense.

“We have 27 snow machines that we carry,” Luft says. “It’s a combination of snow an alcohol and that’s what they use in the movies. It looks beautiful.”
Just don’t try and eat it, Luft cautions.

“Do not open your mouth and stick your tongue out,” she says. “It’s not real snow, it’s yucky.”

Christmas in the slammer
As friendly reminders go, the portly, older gent with glasses who frequently warns moviegoers at promo screenings to turn off their phones is in a league of his own.
Use your cell phone during the screening and you may get it confiscated, he warns. If it has a camera – and anything on it resembles the movie - woe be to you. Not only will he confiscate your phone, “You’ll probably miss the holidays and have to talk to the judge while you’re in jail,” he warned at a recent screening of Invictus at AMC’s Studio 30 Olathe. “And there might be something (else) on there you wouldn’t want me to see anyways.”

Huh? Sounds naughty.

“He’s kind of like an old sergeant,” movie maestro Jack Poessiger says. “What happens is different film companies hire different security companies…but he stands out more than any of the others. Fox, for example, has a bunch of older ladies who look like they may not make it through the end of the week.”

High security movie monitoring started a handful of years back, Poessiger says.

“The first movie I really noticed the heavy security on – where they were watching the audience with night goggles – was Spider-Man. And at last week’s trade and press screening of Avatar you had to turn in your phone before you went in. They put each phone in a sack with your name in it and they wanded the critics and the trade people as well.”

As for Sergeant Slammer, “I’ll have to say this, he is effective,” Poessiger says. “I’ve never seen a phone go on after one of his presentations.”

Hearne on the street…
What’s in a name? The source of Prairie Villager Mike Babick’s nickname, “Father Christmas?”

That would be smart center Kansas City salesgrrrl Mandy Perkins, who discovered Babick’s 44 years in the making animated holiday extravaganza at 7611 Falmouth last year. Babick is at war over damage caused by one of his displays that blew into a neighbor’s car last holiday season. A KCTV staffer reporting the story last week referred to Babick both as Father Christmas and – incorrectly - as Babcock.

“I’ve been called worse,” Babick quips. As for the Father Christmas nomer bestowed on him by Perkins, “That’s an honor,” he says. “I’d never been called that before."

For more KC Confidential and Hearne check out kcconfidential.com

 

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Dealing with ticked off neighbors

Posted 12/10/09

Been awhile since Prairie Villager Mike Babick has had to deal with ticked off neighbors…

For 44 years Babick – or “Father Christmas” as some have come to call him – has turned his home at 7611 Falmouth into a Pixar-like, animated Christmas spectacle. From Thanksgiving through New Year’s the city turns the former AT&T worker’s block into a one-way street to accommodate the thousands of Cowtowners who pilgrimage there every year.

Early on Babick’s some of neighbors decried his traffic-inducing display and tried to quell it. But over time those unhappy with it moved on, and Babick’s display grew into a cherished local tradition.

Until now…

“I’ve got just one irate neighbor,” Babick says. “I thought all that was done. He’s from Iran.”

The new kid on the block?

“No, he’s been here for the last three years,” Babick says. “He just got irate last Thursday night, he came over and started yelling at everybody. We had about 75 people here and he was saying, you owe me this and you owe me that. And one lady said, ‘OK buddy, I’ll write you a check.’”

Babick wasn’t sure what his neighbor wanted, “but it was loud,” he says. “And he said, ‘You owe me. You owe me. You pay me.’ He was talking to me first, then to everybody. He didn’t really name his price - well yeah he did - he said, 'You owe me $3,000. You pay me. You pay me.’ Then he put up (those) four sticks – he doesn’t want anybody to walk on his driveway. I was going to decorate them. You know, I like a good rumble if it’s a fair rumble.”

The dispute has migrated to City Hall.

“His wife will call the police on me,” Babick says. “She does it two or three times every night.”

That said does Babick have a holiday tiding for his angry antagonist?

“Do you dare write it?” he quips. “Well, you know I hope he has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I even complimented him on his (holiday) decorations and he didn’t say a word. I walked down to him the other night and he said, 'You get away from me. Don’t look at me.’ He told me not to look at him, to get away and not to say his name.”

Move over Burt Bacharach
About local jazz diva Carol Duboc’s concert with jazz legend Hubert Laws Saturday at the Folly…

There’ll be more to the Pembroke Hill grad’s show than music from her new Burt Bacharach-themed CD. That after discovering that she and Bacharach - a Kansas City native - had something else in common.

“We both wrote for Tom Jones,” she says. “Tom Jones is an interesting guy; he’s probably the most talented person I’ve worked for. He told me when Burt Bacharach brought him ‘What’s New Pussycat’ he thought it was a joke. I actually put ‘What’s New Pussycat’ in the (Folly) show. I put my own spin on it.”

Do as I say…?

Word that AMC will no longer allow moviegoers to BYOT - bring-their-own-treats – set off plenty of handwringing in the local news media. The Star, for example, quoted Fine Arts Theatre Group main man Brian Mossman as saying “a no-outside-food policy” at his three area theaters is “clearly posted.”

Is former Shawnee Councilwoman Tracy Thomas – a movie lover of the first order - bummed by the ban?

“No, because I’ve always snuck food into the movies,” she says. “I just never knew that it was legal. Except that I caught Brian Mossman buying bulk candy before he went into a movie and I asked him why and he told me it was legal.”

Hearne on the street…

About KC swing king Dave Stephens “Christmas Holiday Jazz Circus” at Jardine’s Thursday…

Turns out this is the first in a series shows Stephens plans to theme a-la the acclaimed Bing Crosby-Fred Astaire movie “Holiday Inn.” The 1942 film about an inn only open on the holidays won an Oscar for Best Original Song for Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas.”
Stephens plans to open his “inn” again for Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day and holidays to be named later.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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Channel 5's crowd count is top-heavy

Posted 12/4/09

What’s the expression, out of the mouths of babes…

KCTV weather wonk Katie Horner takes a lot of grief for cutting into Channel 5’s programming to save us from storms. And while she no doubt understands meteorology, question is can she count? For that matter can anybody at Channel 5 count?

That after the station that prides itself in news that’s live, late-breaking and investigative stunned viewers by reporting that “hundreds of thousands” of people attended last week’s Plaza Lighting Ceremony.

 “Katie was standing by herself reporting that there was a crowd of 500,000 people there,” says Beena Rajalekshimi, owner of Jardine’s on the Plaza.

Hold it right there…

Flash back to 2003 when Waldo businessman Gary Evert and UMKC statistics prof Yong Zeng teamed to actually count the Lighting Ceremony crowd. The three-team task force unmasked unsubstantiated claims by the Plaza and sponsor KCP&L that between 250,000 and 300,000 people were in attendance, coming up with an average count of 32,605 people. The Plaza folded like a tent, admitting a count had never been made and alluding to past police estimates. However police went on record as having no training or expertise in crowd counting and confirmed that no such estimates had been made. KCP&L declined to comment but subsequent to the count ceased making claims that 300,000 people attended the event.

Professor Zeng’s take on KCTV’s crowd estimates: “Well, I mean they obviously are somewhat exaggerating. Obviously it doesn’t make sense.”

The odds of half a million people jamming into the Plaza last Thursday?

“Oh well, I don’t have a model but intuitively it’s impossible,” Zeng says. “It’s obviously not correct.”

To put it somewhat in perspective, Arrowhead Stadium – which on a good day can draw upwards of 80,000 people to a Chiefs game – has 22,000-plus parking spaces for cars in addition to the grass areas. According to Highwoods Properties, the Plaza’s owner, it has 7,100 parking spaces.

The $64 million question: how on earth could the Plaza accommodate three to six times the attendance of a sold out Chiefs game with less than one third of the parking?

Even ‘Modern Family” star Eric Stonestreet – in town for Kansas City’s Mayor’s Christmas Tre e  lighting and who attended the Plaza lights bash ,  was taken aback at KCTV guesstimates as high as 500,000 people.

“No way, is that what they said?” Stonestreet laughed. “That’s hilarious. We were talking about that last night actually.”

Evert’s take on the odds of KCTV digits being accurate?

“About the same as the odds of Katie Horner being replaced by a crawl,” Evert quips.

Now it can be told

At long last, the behind the scenes on actor Sacha Baron Cohen's R-rated ambush of staffers at downtown KC’s Hotel Phillips is revealed on the just-released DVD of his movie Brüno.

Funniest part: After hotel manager Blain Proctor summons police to arrest a bondage-attired Cohen and the actor he was shackled to, they beat it down the hotel’s outdoor fire escape. However the stairs only descend to the hotel’s second story and Cohen and company can’t find the release mechanism to lower it to the ground.

“I said, ‘What do we do?’ to our guide and he said, ‘Jump!’ ” Cohen says on the DVD. “And I can see the getaway car is there driven by my assistant and there’s also like two hotel workers just having a cigarette. And basically out of nowhere, in front of them, I arrive from the sky – this semi-naked guy just jumps from the sky.”

For more Hearne Check out KC Confidential online at kcconfidential.com

 

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K-STATE STUMBLE SURPRISED STAR

Posted 11/27/09

Area 51 it’s not…

Still when Theater League main man Mark Edelman cruised down I-435 in Overland Park near Roe recently it was as close as he’s come to having a Close Encounters moment. There rising eighty-three feet into the sky stood a futuristic-looking, whatchamacallit.

“It’s certainly unique, no doubt about it,” says Phil Thomas, president of A.L. Huber general contractors. “I hope he liked it; we’re getting a lot of positive comments about it. This is the first phase of a demo project we’re doing at our headquarters, and this wind turbine is the first of its kind in the world. It was actually designed and manufactured in Korea and can generate up to 5,000 watts.”

Translation: enough to run five 2,600 square foot Johnson County homes.

“In the next phase, we’re going to install 24 solar photo voltaic panels to our building – the most efficient on the market today – that will generate 230 watts per panel. What we’re doing is we’re using all the power we generate to run our office, and when we’re not using all the power, it will go back into KCP&L’s grid and we will sell it to them.”

Both KCP&L and Overland Park are on board with the company’s effort to showcase alternative energy technologies, Thomas says.

There’s more.

“We’re going to put up a sunscreen on the south face of our building that will shade it from direct sunlight and cut down on our heat load,” Thomas says. “And on the east side of our building we’re going to build a true green wall – made up of plants – to shade the building from morning sun and cut down on our cooling costs.”

And when all is said and done, it won’t look like an outpost on Mars?

“No, it’s going to look pretty cool, but the wind turbine is the most dramatic feature,” Thomas says. “The other enhancements won’t look out of place at all. And the other feature is we’re building an alternative energy center in our office so we can show everybody how the power comes in from the turbine and the solar panels. And we plan on having a public component – we’ve already had calls from school groups wanting to come by – but we’re waiting until the next two phases are done.”

Tres Wicked

Not only does former Kansas City actor Don Richard look like fictional supervillain Lex Luthor, he gets to sport that look in the touring musical of Wicked (now through December 6th at the Music Hall). What’s more he’s played the wicked witch’s father more than 1,000 times.

“Quite bit more,” Richard says. “I may be getting close to 2,000, my fifth anniversary is in January.”

How children react to Wicked’s reimagining of the Wizard of Oz’s bad witch as more-or-less the good and the good witch as something of an airhead?

“I think the kids take it easier than the adults do,” Richard says.

The play recounts the childhood of Glinda the Good Witch and Wicked Witch Elphaba.

The adults that come “are really deep into the Wizard of Oz and want to have a debate about the specifics of Wicked and go back and watch the movie again,” Richard says. “They try to figure out all the things in Wicked that could have happened, but even if you’re not there to figure out all the scenarios, it’s such an entertaining show.”

The $64 million question: will Wicked be made into a movie and if so, as the musical or straight from the book, as was the Wizard of Oz?

“That was what they first were going to do, make the book into a movie,” Richard says. “So yeah, they’ll do it – they have to. And it’s so popular as a musical that I think they will do it as a musical, but maybe not as tongue-in-cheek as the musicalization of Mamma Mia! It will be a big challenge, I’m sure, for Universal Pictures to figure out how to keep all of the music. I’m sure there will be quite a debate.”

Star Struck

What a difference a week makes. Sunday before last’s Kansas City Star front-page story cooed breathlessly about the “renaissance of Kansas State football, conjuring metaphors like “the stuff of fairy tales” and “reconnecting with a spectacular past.”

Hey, if you’re going to slap something on the front page on by far your biggest revenue and readership day, go for it right?

Just one problem…

K-State’s dream season found the team but a single game over .500 and - were it not for a soft schedule, beating up a pair of patsies at home and the implosion of Kansas (and to a lesser extent Missouri) – far in arrears of its spectacular past.

Speaking of which…

You want spectacular past? Try K-State’s 2003 season where the team went 11-4 (6-2 in the Big 12) and stunned No. 1 Oklahoma to win the Big 12 Championship – the team’s first conference title since 1934.

Now let’s get back to the present, as in this past Sunday’s Star wrap up of the team’s loss to Nebraska.

“…the Wildcats’ 6-6 record meant a mere one-game improvement over last season,” the Star writes. “…the Wildcats missed out on their goal of reaching a bowl game. Six victories is usually enough to qualify, but at least five of them have to be registered against Division 1-A opponents and K-State had only four…”

Hearne on the street…

And the winner is? This year’s contest for celebrity supremacy between Friday’s Kansas City Mayor’s Christmas Tree lighting ceremony and the Plaza’s Thanksgiving blowout isn’t even close. The Plaza settled for former Kansas Citian Jason Sudeikis, a mere cast member of lightly-watched Saturday Night Live. The Mayor snagged Eric Stonestreet, the star of one of the hottest shows in television, Modern Family. The week of Nov. 1st, for adults ages 18 to 49 ABC’s Modern Family ranked 13th while SNL didn’t even make the Top 25. There’s more. More recently Modern Family finished Numero Uno in its timeslot.

As for Stonestreet, whose bio describes him as growing up raising pigs, “I talked to Eric today and he’s excited to get back to town,” organizer Will Gregory says. “He’s going to make the most of his coming here to flip the switch on the mayor’s tree on Friday and reconnect with friends while he’s in town.”

As for those pigs, “Apparently his grandparent’s farm in KCKis now one of the turns at the Kansas Speedway,” Gregory says. 

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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IT'S TIPI, NOT TEEPEE

Posted 11/19/09

From Maytag Man to Hemingway…

Former Prairie Villager Mark Devine has led something of a charmed life. His acting career out in LA took an interesting turn a handful of years back, with a stint as the hunky Maytag Apprentice on those ubiquitous TV commercials. That worm turned after the Newton, Iowa-based appliance maker took a dirt nap a few years back.

The latest?

“My new venture as a producer out here,” Devine texts. “We’re doing a film on the last ten years of Ernest Hemingway's life called ‘Hemingway and Fuentes’ Anthony Hopkins is playing ‘Papa,’ with Annette Bening and Andy Garcia as Fuentes, as well as directing.”

There’s more…

“I want to bring investors in as well as Kansas City, knowing that Hemmingway got his start at the Star. I know there's got to be Hemingway fans in KC that would love to be a part of this.”

A pie in the sky? No way!

Showbiz zine Variety is all over the movie, including its recent story under the headline, “Bening, Hopkins Join Hemmingway Cast; Duo to costar with Andy Garcia in Film.”
Plans call for the movie to begin filming next summer once the financing is complete, Variety reports.

It’s Tipi not Teepee
Kansas City refugees Susan and Bob Hobbs may not have made the cover of the Rolling Stone but they did strike ink in the pages of the November 9th National Enquirer.

Nothing outlandish, mind you.

The couple recently decided to go Native American, sell their home and move into a tipi in the woods six hours south of here in Missouri.

“Some folks envy us and say they wish they could do the same,” Bob tells the Enquirer. “Other folks think we’re nuts.”

The Hobbs plan to heat the tipi with an in-tent fire, but for power and light will employ solar panels, a cell phone and wireless Internet, the Enquirer reports. That along with raising chickens, goats and cattle for food and growing wheat and vegetables.
The floor of the tipi will be covered with rugs.

“It won’t be as warm as a house but we’ll be wearing plenty of clothes and have warm beds,” Susan tells the Enquirer.

BTW Susan is a graphic designer who plans to continue to work via her laptop. And the couple is chronicling their (mis)adventure on the Web site hickoryhollowhomestead.com and subsidizing their experience by selling ads on the site.

“Do you like our blog? It's easy to support Hickory Hollow Homestead... just click on one of our ads when you feel like shopping,” reads a pitch above an ad for Old Time Candy.

Then there’s the matter of tipi versus teepee…

Tipi, would appear to be a more authentic spelling of the word that defines a “tent of the American Indians, made usually from animal skins laid on a conical frame of long poles and having an opening at the top for ventilation and a flap door.”

And while the word “teepee” suffices, it also passes for toilet paper and the art of festooning trees and shrubbery in residential yards with same.

The Hobbs could not be reached for this column.

Norton’s revisted?
Once upon a time there was a basement blues club in Westport called Blayney’s and a local blues band called The Nortons.

But a funny thing happened on the way into the first part of the 21st century. The party types that packed Westport and Blayney’s grew long in the tooth and took up golf and Fox News. And the Gen X, Y and Z crowd decided to hang in the burbs and/or drop their dough in the Power & Light District, Martini Corner, Plaza and/or Waldo.
Adios Blayney’s and adios Nortons…

Which brings us to Sunday nights at Hannibal’s Waldo Bar & Grille and what passes for the new Norton’s, the Kim Osborne Band featuring Norton’s ax man John Brandsgard.
“We do some of the Nortons songs but we’ve got lots of songs,” Osborne says. “We started playing together this spring. This is our second Sunday at Hannibal’s and we’ve got twice as many people here as last week, so that’s OK.”

Osborne’s day job: “I’m a mom with four kids,” she says.

What to expect out of her powerful pipes?

“Well, I’m a big fan of Linda Ronstadt and I like Patsy Cline, Etta James and Bonnie Raitt,” Osborne says. “We do a little bit of everything – blues, rock n roll and country.”

Her signature song: Janis Joplin’s “Total Blues” and “anything by Aretha Franklin."
The Nortons influence aside, it’s not a blues show, Osborne says.

“You know we do the Pretenders, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones – you know, everything.”

Now a little something for the trivia buffs…

The origin/source/meaning of the name Nortons? Something about it being the band’s inside joke equivalent of the word “hooters.”

 

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Johnny Dare gets a gig on the tube

Posted 11/13/09

Take 10,000 bikers, pack ‘em into 30 acre compound for 10 days of nonstop partying and then whip it all into a reality show and add the voice of Rock 98.9 FM superstar Johnny Dare…

Net result: TruTV’s new six-episode offering, “Full Throttle Saloon.” The series debuted Tuesday with the primary players jetting to Kansas City for a kickoff viewing hosted by Dare at Angel’s Rock Bar in the Power & Light District.

“It’s a reality show about the biggest biker bar in the middle of the biggest biker rally,” Dare says. “It’s only open for 10 days a year during the Sturgis rally.”

Dare just happened to be in the exact right place at the exact right time – a bar in NYC - to land the voicing gig.

“I was just up there for a little two day deal,” Dare says. “And I got a call from Jesse James Dupree (lead singer/guitarist of Jackyl) and I just jumped in a cab and went down to try out. I didn’t think I had a shot in hell of getting it. They said, ‘Well, we’re looking at Kris Kristofferson and Sam Elliott.’”

What to expect in the hour long shows?

“Everything from employees stealing to fist fights to bodies being found on the grounds,” Dare says. “And the biggest storm that’s ever come through Sturgis. I don’t want to give too much away, but that storm broke every window and every neon sign that was exposed. I mean, that hail was so big it was breaking out windshields and it killed three people - not at the saloon but at the rally proper. It’s got everything.”

Unlike most scripted “reality” shows, “The thing I love about this most is it’s a real reality show,” Dare says. “These are real people – it’s not a set up deal.”

The bottom line for Dare: “I’m definitely not going to get rich on this but it was a chance to do something I’ve never done before,” he says. “When you’re reading these lines they have to be done in a certain way. Even a six second line, sometimes you’ll nail it the third time - sometimes it will be the 30th time.”

Who knows? The exposure could lead to future voiceover gigs with Pixar and the like.
“Sure, hopefully I’ve made some friends because I’d love to do it some more,” Dare says. “But if I never do it again, this means a lot to me because these were all my friends.”

The wildest thing Dare saw while voicing the first three shows?

“It could be the large-breasted dancing girls, it could be the body found on the grounds or it could be the guys caught stealing stuff or stunt biker Rhett Rotten getting two DUIs. There is obviously some nudity but obviously it will be blurred. There are enough blurs and beeps in this to entertain you for sure.”

Death of a Salesman
The recent passing of residential real estate heavy hitter Marsha Goldman may well signal the end of an era. During Goldman’s twenty-five year career she carved out a stellar rep in high-end real estate sales.

“When I came into the business 18 years ago, Marsha Goldman was definitely No. 1,” says Nancy Ward of Prudential. “She just made a huge name for herself dealing with a lot of upper bracket homes. And she was somewhat of a mentor to a lot of people and was very good to me when I first joined J.C. Nichols. But she was tough, too – she drove a hard bargain.”

How well Hal Hulen of Reece & Nichols knows.

“I worked with her when she first started and she was good,” Hulen says. “She was a hard worker and she was tough. I had a fabulous house listed on 55th Street between Ward Parkway and Loose Park and Marsha had shown it to a couple about three times. Then I had bladder and prostrate cancer and couldn’t work anymore, and Marsha listed it and sold it to the couple she’d shown it to while I had the listing. And I was in the hospital and she came by and brought me a fabulous book of Picasso paintings – so at least she gave me something.”

What, none of the real estate commish?

“Oh, hell no,” Hulen laughs. “It would have been nice to get part of the commission, but a lot of people wouldn’t have done anything. That’s just typical real estate, Hearne. Everybody screws everybody else.”

(Email Hearne at hearne@kcconfidential.com)

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Miller tosses in towel on book deal

From 11/4/09 issue

If you don’t succeed at first…

Keep trying, right? But after three unsuccessful efforts to nail down a six-figure book deal about Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser, First Lady Gloria Squitiro and - equally importantly - the Kansas City Star, author/bogger/reporter Joe Miller is tossing in the towel.

For now.

“I’m abandoning for about the tenth time doing the book about my experience in the mayor’s office,” Miller says. “I may come back to it later in life as a memoir.”

Miller’s last book proposal was over 30 pages long.

Which may sound like a lot of effort, but “You know, if you nail it, it’s worth tens of thousands of dollars,” Miller says. “My last book was worth six-figures - $150,000.”

That for the book Cross-X about the Central high school debate team.

Lost – for now anyway– is the story within a story that Miller examining the Star and the declining influence of daily newspapers.

“The focus was on newspapers dying, the decline of the newspaper and newspapers’ power,” Miller says. “And how newspapers are a political force, an institution. That they actually make stuff happen as well as report on it. So this book was about what happens when newspapers go down hill.

“I’m kind of sad to let the newspaper (part go) because I think I have a good angle on it,” Miller adds. “You know, all over the country people are saying, it’s sad to see newspapers go because there’s no objective guardian of public interest, no watchdog of government. And that’s true, but metropolitan newspapers like the Star are more than that – they make things happen. Like all that stuff downtown the Star pushed for – you know that - you were there and you got shut up.

“And Funk’s a perfect example of the newspaper making something happen in the city. The Star pushed for Funk to get elected and then they tore him apart when he got in. They made the Gloria story huge. I want to make it clear it’s not all their doing - everybody had a role in it - Mark, me, Gloria. But none of it would have happened without the Star. And it’s ironic that while all this was happening, the Star was, if not dying, becoming crippled.”

Miller Time, take Two

Next up for Jolting Joe: “I’m going to write a young adult novel,” Miller says. “It’s something I’ve always wanted to try. You know, I’ve got it mapped out; it’s a story about a group of oddball druggies who make a run for the student body presidency and they win.”

From politics and media to sex, drugs & rock n roll…

“You know, young adult fiction – high school age – is a really hot market,” Miller says. “I’m pretty excited but it’s uncertain. It’s not like nonfiction where you make a proposal and you get paid up front. For fiction you have to write the whole book before you get paid.”

Hearne on the street…

Is Keith Anderson dating Holly Starr from Missouri? That very question was posed on Answers.com a Web site that bills itself as “the world’s leading Q&A site.”
The posted answer: “I have seen them together this summer, they both seem really cool.”

Indeed the two were a couple but time flies.

The latest: the 38 the Spot grrrl broke up with Anderson a couple weeks back after deciding that the life of a touring musician was not for her. For all Starr’s glitz and glam, she’s actually very down to earth. She declined to comment for this item.

Thanksgiving Day Breakfast Dance cancelled: One of Kansas City’s oldest and hippest holiday happenings will not be going down this year. That after more than 35 years, reports promoter Roger Naber. “I don’t have time to do it this year,” Naber says. “There are too many other things going on in my life. So we’re going to postpone it until next year.”

The BYOB blues and R&B breakfast Turkey Day blowout at National Guard Armory in KCK has been a showcase for amazingly attired attendees and nationally prominent soul and blues artists like Millie Jackson. Next year.

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A Kiss isn't always a Kiss

From 10/28/09 issue

You must remember this - a Kiss ain't always a Kiss…

Especially when it comes to the band's December 10 concert at Sprint Center.

“They’re misleading the public,” says longtime Kiss fan Dan Leap, the Merriam councilman that plays in the local rock band Pompous Jack. “For someone not in the know, you’d think it was the original Kiss because they’re all wearing the original makeup – but that’s not the case. The band only has two of the original members, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. Ace Frehley and Peter Criss won’t be there.”

Kinda like the Beatles minus John Lennon & Ringo.

“Some musicians would argue that the new guys are better musicians, but I’m a musician and I would rather see the original Kiss just because growing up, these guys were my musical influences.”

Leap’s contention: “You know, you’re only getting 50 percent of the original band, so you should only pay half price for the ticket. So I’m going to skip the Kiss tribute band and I think that’s what everybody else should call ‘em because it’s not the real Kiss.”

The plot thickens…

“Back in the 80s when Kiss would get a new member, he would be in new makeup,” Leap says. “Like Eric Carr wore fox makeup and Vinnie Vincent wore some cheesy makeup – it was almost like he had a question mark on his nose or something. But now they’re putting different guys in the original band’s makeup defrauding the public – they’re trying to fool the unsuspecting public.”

KC’s king of heavy metal Jim Kilroy doesn’t disagree but thinks Kiss has a life of its own.

“Kiss is a band that’s just going to keep on going,” Kilroy says. “I think Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley will hire somebody to replace themselves when they get too old to do it anymore. Think about it; I think Kiss will continue on after they all pass on – Kiss is going to outlive you. You couldn’t do that with Elvis or Michael Jackson – you couldn’t just say, ‘Well, this is Michael Jackson’ – it’s just not the same. But with the makeup, they can get away with it. With Kiss, they’ve created these iconic characters and that’s what Kiss fans want to see onstage…So as long as somebody’s running the cash register they’ll want to keep this thing rolling.”

Queen of heavy metal Heather Bashaw of the Web site Heavy Frequency has another take.

 “You know, it’d be nice if Kiss would have (more publically) disclosed that it wasn’t the original band, but rock n roll is not necessarily about morals,” Bashaw says. “It’s more about sex, drugs and rock n roll and making money. And in Kiss’ case, that’s exactly what they’re doing. I mean, how many rock bands do you know that have their own cologne?”

Watts Mill Creek Rescue

There’s more to last week’s  pickup in the creek rescue by Everday Produce manager Konrad Pfeifauf than the headline on KMBC TV implies.

“Fruit Stand Worker Rescues Truck Driver In Creek,” it reads. In KMBC’s interview Pfeifauf does make clear that it was the fire department that saved the driver from drowning but as is generally the case in TV news most of the story’s details went missing.

“He was under the water for 30 to 40 seconds,” Pfeifauf says.  “People think I saved him but the truth of the matter is the fire department and the people in the ambulance saved him.”

That said, had Pfeifauf not dialed 911 after witnessing the accident, the dude would have been history.

“You know, it made CNN news as well,” Pfeifauf says.

What it was like swimming in Indian Creek?

“Filthy, I just threw away my shoes the other day,” Pfeifauf says. “I had just dried them out but they smelled awful. As much as I like Indian Creek, I don’t advise swimming in it and I don’t advise eating the fish.”

The awful truth: “After I was done over there, I came back here and worked all wet and dirty with my hands cut up,” Pfeifauf says. “I guess you could say, that’s all I want to do is sell the pumpkins – cleaning the pumpkins and selling them.”

As for the unfortunate-but-lucky pickup driver, “I talked to him, he’s a cook at Hannibal’s in Waldo,” Pfeifauf says. “I’m glad the guy lived and everything. He told me if I come to Hannibal’s my tab’s on him. So after the fruit stand closes November 1st, that’s where I’m going.”

Everyday Produce, a Watt’s Mill (and Waldo) institution celebrates its 35th year next year, Pfeifauf says. His second most intense fruit stand news schmooze; the time Russian tennis hottie Anna Kournikova stopped by 10 years back.

Hearne on the street…

As if I don’t have enough confusion battling in-town critters: Here’s a first – for me at least. I got “forked” Saturday. Don’t take that the wrong way. We’re talking about a junior high tradition here, not an R-rated act. You know, the custom of kids sneaking into typically a boyfriend or girlfriend’s yard and lining it with plastic forks. Think of it as a less messy update on the esteemed art to tee-peeing someone’s trees.

Just one problem; I’m no longer in junior high or high school even. Go figure.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential visit www.kcconfidential.com

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Craig Glazer may be sitting on a gold mine

From 10/21/09 issue

The $64 million question for new AMC Theatres CEO Gerry Lopez: will coffee become more important in the KC-based movie exhibitor’s mix of concession offerings?

“Yes, the answer is yes,” Lopez says. “Because it can only go one way – it could not be less important.”

That comes as something less than a huge surprise since prior to Lopez joining AMC this year, he served as Executive Vice President of Starbucks and President of its Global Consumer Products, Seattle's Best Coffee.

AMC is far alone when it comes to mainstream  movieplexes having few to no options where coffee’s concerned. There’s nothing quite like getting a day-old cup of vile tasting drip coffee to try and stay awake after a hard day’s night in the Power & Light District.

“The thing about coffee is, it’s not going to drive anybody to the theater,” Lopez says. “But you have to have it available.”

In one form or another, Lopez adds, noting that it’s the frou-frou frappucinnos – not the dead serious straight coffees –people purchase at Starbucks after 8 p.m. in prime movie going hours.

What does drive people to theaters are movies in 3D, Lopez says. AMC recently forecast revenue increases of at least 10 percent at its theaters that have been retrofitted with digital projectors and Imax technology.

So after all these years, 3D is finally poised to become the wave of the future?

“Reserve judgment until Christmas Day,” Lopez says. “Because in November you’re going to get ‘A Christmas Carol’ and ‘Avatar.’ These are the first full-length movies that take 3D to a new place where it has never gone before. So this is going to be a watershed moment – 3D will either part of the ash heap of history or it will be a defining moment in movie history.”

Lopez prediction?

“I’ve seen parts of both movies and my belief is this will be a watershed moment. In my opinion, this is the way our grandparents must have felt when they first saw color or heard sound.”

If 3D takes off like Lopez thinks, between a quarter to a third of box office revenues will come from it in the coming years.

“That’s where I think it’s headed,” Lopez says. “It’s a great movie experience and it gives people a reason to leave home and come to the theater. It’s a great business we have; we make people happy, we make people cry, we scare ‘em – and then we bring people back for more.”

Sneak Preview

About that coming soon Jim Carrey movie “A Christmas Carol”…

“He is phenomenal in it,” Lopez says. “The best Scrooge you’ve ever seen. And do not – do not – see this movie in 2D. You have to see it in 3D. I’ll give you your money back if you don’t like it.”

Move over Donald Trump

Stanford’s comedy club king Craig Glazer may be sitting on a goldmine…

In 1993 he and another investor bought the rights to the 1990 boxing documentary “Champions Forever” from his partners for a measly 25 grand.

The movie had done well at theaters but more or less had tapped out. Still Glazer felt there it had long-term video value and it’s provided him a tidy annual income ever since.

Glazer says he got involved in the project after befriending a fellow convict who was in the slammer allegedly for importing the designer drug ecstasy in the 1980s. The dude is listed in movie credits as Tom Bellagio, but that’s not his real name, Glazer adds.

One wild card: Glazer could easily make seven figures on the newly rereleased DVD because it includes an additional half hour of “lost interviews” with boxing great Muhammad Ali. Interviews Glazer says are among the last recorded before Parkinson’s robbed Ali of the ability to speak clearly.

But that could just be the tip of the financial iceberg.  What might happen to sales if the 67 year-old Ali should pass away?

“I think Muhammad Ali is the most famous man on the planet today and he’s also beloved,” Glazer says. “So I think interest in him would increase dramatically - just like it did with Michael Jackson – especially for the last and most recent movie made about him.”

Famous last words

Talk about laying down a jinx…

KU football and basketball’s unofficial dancing mascot White Owl did just that Saturday just prior to the Jayhawks first loss to Colorado.

“We’re going to the Rose Bowl undefeated,” White Owl predicted. “Just like Texas did.”

Actually Texas lost to Oklahoma that year before winning the national championship, so White Owl may yet prove prophetic.

A report in the KU student newspaper this summer claimed that White Owl - aka Saul Tucker, a former music salesman at Streetside (formerly Pennylane) in Westport – had been told that he was being banned from doing his unusual dance routine at KU games. His plan was to try and get a student ID so he could attend the games in the student section.

As for the recent fighting incidents between KU footballers and basketballers, “That was (b.s.),” White Owl says. “It was over a woman and neither one of them like her. It was a misunderstanding about the girl and it’s all over with – it was all over with as it happened. They just had to calm down and the media made too much of it.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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Gates BBQ won't head to Power and Light

From 10/14/09 issue

Seventy-seven years and counting…

The dean of Kansas City barbecue, Ollie Gates, is on his throne and all is well. That despite a miserable economy and local sports landscape that includes the equally miserable Kansas City Chiefs and Royals. Hey, it’s all about keeping a positive outlook and Gates always sees the BBQ sauce cup as half full.

Take what he calls the Buck O’Neil Center – a stalled out $15 million education and research center proposed for the historic 18th and Vine District.

“What we’re trying to do is get Buck O’Neil straightened out,” Gates says. “You know, recapture what he wanted to do at the Buck O’Neil Center – it’s just dormant right now. They haven’t started rehabbing it, but I’m going to see if I can’t pull in some people and get it started. We’ll get something started because if we don’t get something started pretty soon, people will forget about one of the greatest ambassadors we’ve ever had.”

O’Neil managed and played first base with the Kansas City Monarchs in the Negro Leagues and helped establish the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum here prior to his death in 2006.

As for that celebrated Gates optimism, Ollie’s take on this year’s Chiefs football team:
“I think if we didn’t have the Chiefs here Kansas City would be in trouble – we would be lost. So stop complaining and they’ll be just fine. A lot of cities don’t have a franchise football team, so I don’t care how bad they are, they’re good for Kansas City.”

Got that?

Now the Royals, “I think the same thing about the Royals,” Gates adds. “You know, I’m a Kansas City fan and I like anything good for Kansas City.”

Speaking of which, would an NBA team at Sprint Center fall into that category?

“That’s fine if they want to bring it here,” Gates says. “I’m not that enthralled though – I’d leave it like it is for now and it will find itself – what it wants to be. Sit back and let things kind of happen rather than try to force things.”

Did Gates attend this year’s American Royal Barbecue in the ghost town known as the stockyards?

“No, I didn’t go this year,” he says. “And we didn’t compete. We’re professionals, we compete up here on the high ground.”

Things are getting a bit crowded on the “high ground,” Gates says. “You know, we’re oversaturated with barbecue places right now.”

Translation: Gates won’t be downloading Gates BBQ into the Power & Light District anytime soon, if ever.

“I don’t think so,” he says. “They just need another 60,000 or 70,000 people living in the heart of the city to support what they already have. We need more population.”

Has Gates ever tried Famous Dave’s?

“No, no, no,” he quips. “Thank you very much.”

How about Arthur Bryant’s?

“Oh yeah, before we went into business,” Gates laughs. “You see, Bryant’s was in business before we were and my dad used to take me there real often.”

Jack Stack?

“Never have. But I knew Jack’s daddy when he was in the grocery business at 22nd and Vine. He tried to get me to work for him when he first opened (a bbq restaurant) on 71 Highway and Prospect. I’d just gotten out of the Army and come home. Tried to pull me away from my own dad, can you imagine that?”

At age 77, Gates is sporting a pair of lucky numbers and he plans to make the most of them.

“That’s right,” he says. I hope they work for me, too. I do the best for the age that I am.”

For more KC Confidential and Hearne check out kcconfidential.com

 

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Standing at Crossroads KC

From 10/7/09 issue

In the world of cleverly conceived political ploys, the city of Merriam gets a big, fat F…

So grades, uh, professor Dan Leap, the Guitar Lamp-making Merriam councilman who voted against granting developers of the vastly empty and undeveloped Merriam Pointe shopping mall a three year extension. That on the heels of its failed mission of finding, you know, rent-paying tenants for the ghost-like mall.

As reported recently by KC Confidential, new Merriam mayor Ken Sissom broke a tie awarding Merriam Pointe’s developers the extension despite that they were in arrears on paying property taxes.

“They basically said they weren't going to pay 'em unless the city gave 'em an extension,” Leap said. “And that's not how it works - they have to pay 'em anyway."

Merriam Pointe did pay its taxes after getting the extension, but then laid a surprise on the city.

“They filed for bankruptcy right after the jackasses gave ‘em an extension,” Leap says. “Now the development is tied up in bankruptcy, so we struck a three year extension with a bankrupt developer.”

Had Merriam not granted the extension, Merriam Pointe’s developers would have had to pay its taxes anyway, although it could have taken three or more years to hold their feet to the fire, but Merriam might have been free to look for a new, perhaps more capable partner like RED Development to market the center, Leap contends.

“So (the extension) helped the developer,” Leap says, “but it didn’t help the city at all.”

Standing at the Crossroads KC

Year Three at the concert venue known as Crossroads KC is nearly in the books…

And rainy summer aside, it was a great one, says promoter Brett Mosiman. “Take the wildly stormed on Avett Brothers concert in August.

“It was the best Avett Brothers show I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot – about five or six,” Mosiman says. “People stood in the rain for like four hours. You know, we’ve had other rainy shows and people just go home or go to their cars. But the Avett Brothers played the best set I’ve ever seen because they knew what the crowd was going through. They played 75 minutes in the rain and nobody went anywhere.”

Foul weather aside, that sort of vibe comes with the territory, Mosiman says.

“This is the greatest venue in the Midwest,” he adds. “We’ve all been burned for decades by bands that go from Chicago to Austin, Chicago to Denver or Minneapolis. Kansas City’s missed so many shows.”

No mas, Mosiman says.

“We’ve been open three years and the bands love this place,” he adds. “We charge reasonable prices and it’s all working here. I’m telling you there’s a little magic. George Thorogood, Kevin Costner, Blondie – they all had huge crowds.”

Crossroads third season wraps this month with Stryper on Friday, Little Feat Oct. 15th and Ghostland Observatory October 16th.

How bad are they?

This year’s Kansas City Chiefs are starting to achieve critical mass – in the worst possible way. “The sorriest chapter in Chiefs’ football history,”
Al Wallace of Fox 4 is quoted by KC Confidential’s Greg Hall.

“The Chiefs have never been this bad,” Hall adds. “The last time they started 0-4? 1980. 1980? I half expect a Bill Grigsby commercial to run here. Speaking of Billy Budweiser, his current commercial reads make him sound drunker than the parody we did on him in the 1510 (AM) days. Prishhh Scchhoppprr.”

Ah, those were the daze... Hall and then rookie sidekick Steven St. John got in major trouble with the powers that be at Union Broadcasting for making fun of Grigs and former Chiefs QB Len Dawson.

RA Sushi does Leawood: Let’s get the R-rated stuff out of the way. Trendy new Pacific Rim restaurant at Park Place will apparently not – I repeat, not – be doling out colorful packets of condoms as is the policy at other RA Sushi eateries around the country. Something about with so many new spots opening, it getting too expensive. My theory, of course, is the company thinks Leawood is too tame for what most people mistake for matches. The Arizona Republic bagged on RA for the gimmick. Asked where to find them at last week’s Nelson-Atkins Young Friends of Art kickoff bash, a RA staffer told me they were in the bathrooms - but no such luck. Dunno, he said on further questioning.

As for the name, the word “RA” has no meaning, but the Orange County Register says what pass for the Japanese character equivalents means “naked.”

KC Confidential food writer Jennifer Janesko’s take:

“RA delivers a nightclub experience with amped up sushi on the side. In return, RA is rewarded with the kind of young, trend-aggressive customer it so covets.”

See you there?

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

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Outlaw says smoke 'em if you got 'em

From Sept. 30, 2009 issue

Smoke 'em if you got 'em...

One of Overland Park’s most jinxed restaurant locations – the site of the former Fritz Co. Grill at 13700 Metcalf – is getting a new lease on life.

The name of the new game: The Outlaw Cigar Company.

It’s a business so hip , frankly, that it's hard envisioning it splashing down in the burbs.

"The Outlaw will be opening a new big and bad ass cigar store at the corner of 137th and Metcalf in Overland Park KS." its Web site snarls. "This huge new store will be 7,200 sq ft. and feature two smoking lounges, as well as a humidor two and a half times bigger than our present location. Destruction of the inside has already begun as the entire building will be gutted and rebuilt. Completion is scheduled for early November 2009. The remodel will include a separate poker lounge and maybe a few surprises..."

A liquor distributor I ran into at haunted house tycoon Monty Summers Beaumont Club ultimate matches in August shared some additional, unconfirmed details.

Like that the $2 million facility would provide a cozy-but-trendy getaway for cigar chomping dudes who seek to drink, smoke, watch sports, play cards and guzzle more-or-less free beer. Oh, and something about helicopters coming and going, cannons being fired and Outlaw Girl calendars.

Raising the question of just how wild might this joint get?

"Oh it's cool," says the source. "Everybody behaves and everybody's happy."

Waldostock Comes of age

Somebody call Ripley…

Believe it or not, the once sleepy suburb of Waldo is now home to two of Kansas City's premier party events, and is poised to take over a third.

Lew’s and The Well co-owner Chris Lewellen's revival of the once popular pub crawling concept has come of age. Five years back the first ever Waldo Crawldo, a five bar blowout, attracted 1,500 folks. The one that went down earlier this month drew approximately 4,000 to 15 bar and restaurants.

"Oh dude, it was the biggest one ever," brother Andy Lewellen says. "It was huge. Everybody had a line to get in. Each y ear it gets bigger and bigger - I mean, we're the biggest pub crawl in Kansas City by far."

And while the Lewellen's club Lew's was the hub and inspiration for the event, pretty much all of Waldo has been on the receiving end of the financial benefits.

And for the record whose idea was it?

"My brother Chris," Andy says. "He's the one that started it and organized it - nobody else… (And) every single place in Waldo has their two best nights of the year during the Waldo Crawldo and Falldo Crawldo. And ever since Lew's started putting up the big tents on St. Patrick's Day, that's become the third best night."

Taking on AMC and Living to tell the story

“If you are going to be killed, it has to be at a time when you are alone, and it has to be at night and raining...”

So says bored.com in its listing of funny movie clichés. But in the real life movie biz there far more grisly ways to go. For Screenland Theatre impresario Butch Rigby, one such potential nightmare scenario would be for locally based movie exhibitor AMC to jam a state-of-the-art, high profile cineplex smack in-between his two tiny theaters. That's exactly what happened with AMC’s stunning new Mainstreet in the Power & light District.

"The Mainstreet, which is a beautiful theater, really cut into our business," Rigby says.

But I did a singalong with The Sound of Music the other night and we had 200 people, so we're going to do more creative stuff. We're going to develop the philosophy of being a downtown theater doing whatever we can when we can. Like anything else, you've got to be different, you know?”

Rigby’s differences range from movie roasts with comics wisecracking during the films to martini nights.

As for his other Achilles' heel, the stillborn Screenland Granada in KCK, Rigby was able to unload it this past March to Imago Dei, Friends of Christianity & the Arts.

"They're doing children's performing arts there," Rigby says. "Anything from music to giving kids an opportunity to be on stage and have an audience. As much as I'd love it to be a movie theater still, I'm thrilled to death that young people are using it and getting to perform and it has life in it."

Hearne on the street…

KU vs KU: About the KU football players versus KU basketball players controversy that sent KU basketball player Tyshawn Taylor to the hospital…No way Joe-College.com was not going to have a T-shirt or two to commemorate the fiasco.

However Joe-College owner Larry Sinks took the high road.

“The thing is we were trying to be positive about what happened and not be funny,” Sinks says. “We were trying to be supportive about the whole thing.”

Net result: one shirt reads “Hawk football and basketball” on one side and “Can’t we all just get along?” on the other.

Sinks says he could have sold far more shirts had he gone with the less supportive suggestions he got.

“You can’t believe the suggestions I got that I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole,” Sinks says. “All about violence and one that used the N Word because that’s what Tyshawn Taylor was using on his Facebook page.”

The best one that got away?

“The best one was, ‘The only team that has a shot at beating our basketball team this year is our football team,’ “ Sinks says. “I mean, it’s funny but I thought it was just too negative.”

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A variety of critters in this neck of the woods

From Sept. 23, 2009 issue

Ah the joys of moving back into what passes for the city from the southern Johnson County suburbs…

Among the blessings I’ve been counting of late in my new Prairie Village home: carpenter ants, termites, chipmunks, squirrels – you name ‘em - I’ve got ‘em. Now in lieu of usuriously high homes association dues, I find myself an investor in varmint defensive measures.

Really.

Enter Tom Brungardt’s company Critter Control. For starters it’s an actual business – not just some Toby Tobin radio show refugee from the lunatic fringe.

“It’s kind of amazing how a lot of colleges don’t talk about this field a lot,” Brungardt says. “But I had a professor that was thinking outside the wildlife training box, and since most of the jobs in that field were with state and federal agencies there just weren’t that many opportunities. And there just aren’t that many openings in the private sector. Most of them around the country were with nuclear plants that require a lot of water and they have to manage the water and the fish and the wildlife on the property.”

That ship mostly sailed with Three Mile Island, Brungardt says.

The critter catching/killing biz was started by an out-of-work marketing dude who’d taken up chimney sweeping, a field that apparently entails prying raccoons out of the Santa holes.

I digress…

The kinda of critters in our neck of the woods?

Add to my aforementioned friends the lowly possum and “in the older areas of town we get a lot of rat and bat work,” Brungardt says. “Then we get into less common things like moles, woodchucks and skunks. Skunks you don’t get in Prairie Village but when you get out south of 119th Street or west of Lackman you get into skunks.”

Because?

 “Skunks don’t survive well once it gets crowded – I think they get run over,” Brungardt says. “But certainly when they get outside of town they don’t mind people or dogs. They don’t really get fearful of anything. If they run into something they just blast it, but that doesn’t really work on a car.”

Reminds me of a friend who nailed one in a smart last winter and lived to tell (but not smell) the story.

“She kinda lucked out, that’s possible,” Brungardt says. “It was probably kinda like a tree or rock falling that got him.”

How about those pesky bats at Starlight Theatre? Like the ones that buzzed Kathy Griffin recently?

“Well, a lot of that’s due to insect activity around all those (stage) lights,” Brungardt says. “A lot of them are probably coming in from off site.”

Is there a solution?

“Get rid of the insects, which is tough. But it might be possible, depending on the type of lighting available.”

Bats are probably the scariest critters, Brungardt says.

“I’ve met several women over the years with hats and scarves on or garlic around their necks,” he says. “You know, ‘Ding-dong, ding-dong,’ and they answer the door in a hairnet – even with crucifixes on – like Dracula. And I was like, ‘That’s a stretch.’ I just let ‘em know they don’t need that for bats – they need that for another reason.”

Most of the rat action goes down in “older parts of town,” Brungardt says. “When you get past about 60 or 70 years-old, you start seeing rat infestations. And it depends on how the sewers are kept up. Prairie Village did a huge sewer project a few years back and we got more jobs before and less after.”

How about the snakes that have been scaring the bejesus out of KC Confidential movie mogul Jack Poessiger when he mows his law in old Overland Park?

“That’s interesting, because we don’t get as many of those but they’re certainly there. The denser you make the people, the less snakes survive. I’ll bet he’s seeing Garter snakes – they’re bad about climbing up and sunning themselves in bushes to warm up and that scares people.”

Solution: “Keep the grass mowed and debris from piling up.”

Any celebrity scare stories?

“We’ve had a couple Chiefs players,” Brungardt says. “The bigger the Chiefs are, the more scared of snakes they are it seems. It all depends on how people are raised and what they’re raised to be scared of.

“We’ll get police officers that have to deal with these crazy two-legged animals all the time, but they’re afraid of animal animals. Yeah, go ask a police officer if they want to deal with a snake, a rat or a bat. We get customers who say the police wouldn’t come in because they said, ‘I don’t deal with those things.’

“We had one lady who did not like mice and she would say the words Stuart Little – she could not say the word mouse it scared her so much. So she’d call and say, ‘I’ve got another Stewart in the trap.’”

Bedazzled by KC Rep’s Into the Woods

It’s two thumbs way up by KC Confidential entertainment nabobs Brian McTavish and Mark Edelman for the KC Rep’s production of “Into the Woods” (now through October 4th at the Spencer Theatre).

How good is it? Very.

“INTO THE WOODS is a gem of a musical polished to near perfection by the performances of KC Rep’s outstanding cast,{ Edelman says. “That alone makes it a winner in a season when the rest of the hometown teams don’t seem to be able to get past third base or keep the other guys from scoring with a minute left to play. Kansas City is sorely in need of fairy tales, and KC Rep’s INTO THE WOODS delivers the goods.”

McTavish’s sum up:

“The frosting on the fantasy cake is the enviable imagination of puppet designer Paul Mesner, whose creations include a miniature royal coach drawn by six horses attached to poles held aloft by bustling actors. The splendid procession appears only fleetingly, but in so doing testifies to this special production’s intense devotion to fanciful detail. Bravo.”

(For more of Hearne go to kcconfidential.com or email him at hearne@kcconfidential.com)

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Sebelius spotted working the dance floor

From Sept. 16, 2009 issue

How blue can you get?

When it comes to Jayhawk blue in the state of Kansas not very. After running up seven-figure legal fees hammering tiny Lawrence T-shirt vendor Joe-College.com, KU’s athletics department is rattling its sword at no less than Anheuser-Busch.

At least it’s a fair fight this time out.

The KU Blue, so-called Fan Cans “might appeal to underage drinkers, and the university didn't want anyone to think Kansas endorsed the promotion,” the Associated Press reports.

Joe-College owner Larry Sinks can relate.

“I know all about it,” Sinks says. “How about that, they can’t use those colors because those are the school colors.”

As for Sinks two years and running legal nightmare, “The fact of the matter is the case has not been settled,” he says. “The judge has not settled on the attorney’s fees and that’s what scares me.”

In 2007 a jury awarded KU a $127,000 judgment for infringing on trademarks.

Talk about head scratchers…

The jury said that Sinks’ “Our coach can eat your coach” shirt infringed but green lighted “Our coach is phat”.

“I just feel like KU doesn’t realize the fact that they’re wrecking my life, but I don’t think they really care,” Sinks says. “And for what purpose – for what purpose? It’s just become so personal for them that they just don’t care.”

Have barbecue, may travel

One of Overland Park’s top new BBQ joints Adam’s Rib is contemplating expansion and looking for investors.

“We would like to start bottling our sauce and selling it in the restaurant and local grocery stores,” says owner Hope Loehr. The joint recently took the town by storm by hosting a charity BBQ eating contest with a 10 pound version of its signature Brisket Burger.

Kathleen of Kansas

Department of Health and Human Services secretary Kathleen Sebelius and her hubby, federal magistrate judge Gary were all over Knuckleheads in the East Bottoms Saturday. The pair worked the dance floor and caught a backstage schmooze with their pal, blues guitarist Tab Benoit. At evening’s end, Benoit did a shout out of sorts to the already departed former Kansas Guv and First Dude, joking about his pending appearance at the upcoming G-20 summit in Pittsburgh. “I got Secret Service clearance,” Benoit told the crowd. “Maybe Kathleen had something to do with that.”

KC Liquor Regulators Exit Low Road Head to High

A ad hoc group at Kansas City’s City Hall charged with updating liquor regulations did an about face this past week after threatening to put 11 small businesses out of business. Included in the group were KC Councilwoman Cindy Circo and Regulated Industries manager Gary Majors.

The group’s initial game plan had been to require taverns to gross $250,000 in annual sales to qualify for or retain 3 a.m. liquor licenses. The existing code stipulates only $100,000 in gross sales.

However Greater Kansas City Restaurant Association pres Jason Pryor lead a group owners from the aforementioned taverns on death row, including Davey’s Uptown Ramblers and The Newsroom, to protest the pending changes.

“Forget the numbers, it’s right versus wrong,” Pryor said. “It’s basically institutionalized discrimination. It’s like saying, ‘You didn’t make enough money last year, you can’t have a drivers license.’”

Message received.

The ad hoc-sters tentatively agreed in a subsequent meeting to raise the number from $100,000 to $125,000 based on the lowest existing 3 a.m. licensee’s revenue was pegged at $129,000, Pryor says.

“I think everybody realized that you can’t write an ordinance that’s going to put people out of business,” Pryor says.

Yen & Yang

Two artists, one critic, no waiting. It may seem obvious – you pay your money, you take your chances – but when it comes to aging artists you never know what you’re going to get.

Take Friday’s Alan Parsons Live Project at Ameristar.

“There was plenty of obvious talent but precious little visible passion from Parsons and the five musicians who joined the 1970s and ’80s prog-rock hit-maker for more than 90 minutes of what might best be described as clockwork rock,” writes KC Confidential’s Brian McTavish, “The super-slick affair asked nothing of the audience other than to obediently appreciate the precision cranking out of an amalgam of patience-testing arty instrumentals - think Diet Yes…”

The bottom line: “I just wanted to feel like everyone on stage wanted to be there instead of starring in an episode of ‘What’s the Least We Can Do and Still Get Away With It?’ “
Now John Prine at the Midland the next night.

“For almost two hours before a rightfully reverential and thrilled near-capacity crowd of 2,200, Prine shared his profound gift for getting to the point without rushing, for taking care with his message without coddling and for transporting other humans to places where they may think they have never been yet have already visited,” McTavish writes. “The wonderful show concluded with “Paradise,” whose ear-pleasing traditional twang seemingly contradicted the song’s sorry tale of a coal mining company destroying a beautiful passel of land. But that’s Prine for you, mixing up his poetry so it feels as complicated as real life.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential visit kcconfidential.com

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KCPT-TV Dinner: Tastes great, less filling

From Sept. 9, 2009 issue

One way to describe this year’s KCPT TV Dinner black tie blowout at Liberty Memorial; tastes great, less filling.

After taking a major league licking at last year’s rained out at the last minute “rain or shine” event, the public television station’s signature and heretofore wildly popular annual fundraiser had been hoping to mount a comeback. Trouble was, in addition to the lousy economy and lack of a make good event or an offer to refund ticket monies to the 1,000 or more patrons holding $150 tickets last year, attendance this year was down sharply.

“I think that knocked out a lot of their attendance this year,” says longtime TV Dinner attendee Corky Williams. “There should be some form of refund available if they cancel the date.”

Especially since tickets read “rain or shine” and KCPT had failed to procure either an alternate venue or schedule a later rain date.

“I did buy tickets last year and I did not get a refund,” Williams says. “I wrote it off but I did not get a letter from KCPT apologizing or offering me any kind of make good.”

KCPT declined to comment for this story.

Williams and other diminutive donors may have gotten the cold should from KCPT, but in the KC Originals October meeting minutes, it notes, "About 260 appetizer gift coupons were sent out to major donors, they have a six month expiration date."

That's better than nothing, but laying free appetizer schmoozes on people who just kissed a few grand goodbye for a premium table might seem a little weak. Especially given that they're probably going to be dropping even more money on dinner and drinks while they're attempting to soak up the "freebie.". 

Back to Williams - a staunch public television supporter - how he felt about the slight?

“Well, that blew, that was annoying,” he says. “But the flip side is a friend in the business got me comps for this year.”

Speaking of comps, a number of attendees remarked that while this year’s attendance appeared to be half or less that of past TV Dinners, there was no shortage of freebie tickets floating about.

“I ran into a lot of people who said they had comp tickets,” says former Shawnee councilwoman Tracy Thomas. “Including two guys who told me they don’t even watch Channel 19.”

Thomas’s take on the crowd size?

“It looked like it was far less crowded than that last one,” she says. And there was only one serious long line for food and that was Nara for sushi. So within the space of a minute or two you could always get served. The lines were so long two years ago that it was like being at an airport where they’d cancelled all the flights for a blizzard and you had to stand in line talking to strangers for 20 minutes just to get a nibble.”

As for what happened to last year’s ticket money from the rained out event, it would appear that it into the station’s pocket.

 In KCPT’s 2008 Form 990 tax filing, gross receipts from “dinner events” are listed as being $359,924 with “direct expenses” of $155,648 and a net income of $99,276.

Translation: Had Channel 19 refunded a thousand $150 tickets that would have wiped out the event’s entire profit, replacing it with a nearly $50,000 loss. They also would have had to refund the sponsorship dollars, says a source close to last year's washout.

Speaking of red ink…

While KCPT donors and TV Dinner attendee wannabes appear to have taken the brunt of the hit last year, this year’s victims were the Kansas City Originals - the local independent restaurant group that underwrites the lion’s share of the food cost for the all-you-can-eat affair.

“We had more than half of what we took out there left over,” says Jardine’s owner Beena Rajalekshimi. “You know, we had a lot of leftovers, it was a waste. These are tough times and having that much food left over was not very nice. They told us there would be 1,000 or more people there and we didn’t want to run out. I don’t know how many people they had, but maybe there were 500 people there – maybe.”

With high dollar tickets and a well-established event like TV Dinner, it’s hard to imagine KCPT would not have had a better handle on the attendance, yet Originals secretary Katherine Halstead sent the following email to restaurants the day before the event:

“I just heard from KCPT and they are now expecting 1150 people.”

Restaurateur Michael Smith’s take on that “estimate”? Bogus.

“They informed us that they sold 1,100 tickets, so we should prepare for 1,100 people,” Smith says. “But I’m not sure how many people showed up – maybe 500 or 700 people.”

How bad was Smith’s too-much-food hit? Bad.

“I counted out 800 meatballs and I had at least 400 left over,” Smith says. ‘I mean, we talked to a lot of people and they (all) had a lot of food left over. And I threw out all my tuna – you know, I had to throw out 20 pounds of tuna and that’s a lot. You know as an independent I can’t afford to over prep. I never got any information that there would be less (people there).”

Hearne on the street…

Surf the Nile in a short while: Uptown Theater main man Larry Sells coming soon entertainment emporium The Conspiracy is slated to open later this fall. Meanwhile the game is fast afoot to bring what at first blush looks like an Egyptian tomb into existence. Located just off the lobby of the Uptown office building, the color scheme that comes to my mind upon the first sighting was Egyptian blue.

“It is Egyptian blue,” Sells says. “How did you know that.”

In addition, the club’s design will infuse thematic elements from other mysterious and/or mysterious cultures from the past and into the future.

“We’re going to go from Atlantis to 2012,” Sells says. “Which, of course, if you do the research you’ll learn why (Atlantis) went down.”

A curving, meandering bar snakes through the rear of the club almost like the river Nile.

“Yeah, like the river Denial,” Sells quips.

And for the gigantic Egyptian god statues?

(Email Hearne Christopher at hearne@kcconfidential.com)

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Lezak on hot streak, Hendricks not so much

From Sept. 2, 2009 issue

Things could be worse where Kansas City Star columnist Mike Hendricks is concerned but it’s getting harder and harder to imagine…

Earlier this year Hendricks suffered a one-third pay cut and benefits reduction hit, then bagged on his bosses and went job hunting on Facebook.

The latest?

“Kansas City Star columnist Mike Hendricks recently learned the hard way what not to do when looking for a job,” journalistic think tank the Poynter Institute’s Mallary Jean Tenore writes.

“Earlier this month, Hendricks wrote a job query to Topeka-based Ogden Publications, expressing his interest in a public relations opening and declaring that he was overqualified for the position.”

Overqualified indeed.

Hendricks even suggested he might be better as boss of the person the company hoped to hire.

“Frankly, if there's a pr person above the pr specialist, I'm probably qualified for that job, too,” Hendricks wrote.

Oops!

Turns out that person just happened to be the one to whom Hendricks had applied.
All of which catapulted Hendricks into the Bad Pitch Blog, a Web site that tells how not to apply for PR jobs. The headline: “Mike Hendricks and the Laws of Shamelessness.”

“It was just astounding how arrogant Mike was,” says local writer Joe Miller, a former aid to KC Mayor Mark Funkhouser. “And of course what the PR people picked up on was his disdain for PR people, and his faux pas in saying that if there’s a job for the person above the position he’s applying for he’d like that job too. And then the person he’s applying to says, it’s me - well, of course it’s them. I mean, if you think about it for a minute, you know you’re stepping on some dodgy footing.”

All that said, Miller was hardly surprised to find Hendricks job hunting.

“To me the biggest thing about Mike Hendricks is that what he does is going to be gone,” Miller says. “I just can’t imagine somebody paying that much money to someone to basically write what amounts to blog entries with very little reporting.”

Blogger Tony Botello of Tony’s Kansas City largely concurs.

“What Mike doesn’t have is what you have, a brand name,” Botello says. “I mean, (former Newsday) columnist Jimmy Breslin could have published his laundry list and I would have read it. I agree with Joe, (most) columnists are just glorified bloggers and the need for them is less and less. Maybe it just needs to be Yael (Abouhalkah) writing, he’s the voice of the Star anyway. If it’s a choice between three mediocre (Local section) columnists anyway, why have that race? In my opinion, Hendricks isn’t worth saving. I wish him the best in PR.”

Dickinson Theatres goes BYOB

With AMC and Cinemark serving up cocktails and the like, it was only a matter of time until Dickinson clambered aboard the party train – but BYOB?

Yes and no, says KC Confidential’s Jack Poessiger.

Beginning this week Dickinson began BYOB Tuesdays. “But it’s not what you think,” Poessiger says. “It’s Bring Your Own Popcorn Bowl, which all seven local Dickinson theaters will fill for free every Tuesday.”

There’s more…

In another concession schmooze Dickinson has instituted a Fall Back combo Monday through Thursdays, Poessiger says. For $5 you get a soft drink and popcorn with unlimited refills. With two exceptions: 3-D movies and holidays falling on a weekday – with the exception of Labor Day.

Poessiger’s take on the chances of Dickinson coming through with a true BYOB policy – as in bring your own booze: “Don’t hold your breathalyzer.”

The Gap stops here

“Unless you’ve been living in a cave, there’s no way that you could have missed the launch of Gap, Inc.’s new premium denim line 1969,” reports KC Confidential style diva Shauna Swanson. “Everywhere you turn you’re inundated with the retailer’s six new fits for women and seven new fits for men, calling them the ‘best premium jeans in America.’”
The chain has struggled in recent years to forge a stronger identity in denim while going mano with upscale brands like Nudie, Diesel and Earnest Sewn, Swanson says.

The $64 million question: would basic Gap denim buyers trade up from their $39.50 jeans for better fitting, better fabric and more social clout?

“Gap hopes so,” Swanson says. “(And) last weekend, the fitting rooms were packed full of hopeful Gap customers willing to step into (its) less expensive take on premium denim.”
So far so good, Swanson says, while noting the high-end denim makers yet maintain an edge in quality and fit.

“The Gap nails it!” gushes Style.com. But the luxury brands are here to stay, Swanson says.

Weather report:

KSHB TV weather wonk Gary Lezak provided some much-needed peace of mind to KCPT Channel 19 for its washed-out-last-year TV Dinner at Liberty memorial last weekend. Last year’s $150 per ticket black tie blowout was rained out, you may recall.

A make good was discussed, but sources say the station opted to rely mostly on the goodwill of the public and keep the cash. For the record KCPT did not return calls for this column.

Lezak, on the other hand, has been on something of a roll.

“I’m on a very hot streak - hottest hot streak,” he says. “We have been within 3 degrees for 30 days straight – I’ve been accurate through all these rains and ups and downs in temperature. And as soon as this streak is over, I’ll be lucky to go for 10 straight days.”

How it works: Leak forecasts the next day’s high temperature every day on the 10 PM newscast.

How big a deal is it?

“It’s very difficult to get the forecast within 3 degrees period,” Lezak says. “People think it’s easy, but it’s really not. And now we’ve gotten it 41 of 42 days and 30 days in a row.”

Heard on the street…

We interrupt this Chiefs game to bring you…two hours of live, on-air handwringing, courtesy of KCTV 5’s Katie Horner. It’s every sports or reality show fan's worst nightmare.

But how bad is it really?
“Well, that’s a whole nother topic,” Lezak says. “This year we didn’t have any serious weather – it was not a tornadic summer.”

Still viewers love to complain…

However the actual magic number of program interruptions was miniscule, Lezak says.
“It ends up being only five nights a year – five nights,” he says. “So for 360 days a year we don’t interrupt. But people get so bent out of shape over that..”

(Email the Hearne tip line at hearne@kcconfidential.com)

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Kathy Griffin's D-list comedy show

From Aug. 26, 2009 issue

Talk about killer combinations.

Hottest deck and coldest beer - that's what you'll find at The Well, Waldo's first truly trendy upscale eatery and drinkery at 7421 Broadway. It goes down in the business formerly known as Roscoe TV.

For starters the outdoor patio up top overlooks what passes for downtown Waldo, and has been jammed to the max since its soft opening two weeks back.

As for the bragging rights.

"We literally can say we have the coldest beer up there in town," says co-owner Chris Lewellen. "You know that old saying where people tried to get as close as possible to 32 degrees without freezing. But we have beer in the aluminum bottles and we can actually chill those to 22 degrees with freezing.

"So you can be sitting outside on our upper deck overlooking Waldo on a warm summer night and be sipping on a 22 degree beer. To me as a beer drinker, it just doesn't get any better than that. So I literally can say I have the coldest beer in town because we have this Chill Chamber. "

Uh, Chill Chamber?
"It looks like a traditional beer refrigerator but it's a freezer that goes down to 22 degrees and the aluminum bottles don't freeze for some reason,"
Lewellen says. "I should know how this works but I don't - I guess I should have gone to school longer. But for some reason beer freezes at a higher temperature in glass than it does in aluminum."

Reality bites:
Sunday's Kathy Griffin D-List comedy show at Starlight was the usual two-hour plus high speed hatchet job on the usual suspects - Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Larry King, Ryan Seacrest - you know the drill.

But while the 3,000 plus person crowd was more than appreciative, Griffin's slice-and-dice machine lingered longer on less substantive reality show luminaries like John & Kate. Not a bad strategy for the don't-get-out-much but do-have-a DVR set. Hey but, how many times can you re-hammer the same old A-listers from your D-list perch? Especially after they check out like MJ and Anna Nicole Smith, or fade from the limelight like - dare I say - Britney?

Not that Griffin didn't get some good hits in.
On the Jonas Brothers passing themselves off as studly, she quipped: "You don't think it's funny that the Jonas Brothers are sex symbols - those three little Jewish boys? Come on! I could kick their (butts)."

On Billy Ray Cyrus and the next Hannah Montana:
"Did you know there's another one coming down the pike? There's a little one called Noah. And (Billy) doesn't even know the gender - it's a girl and he named her Noah."

On CNN schlockmeister Nancy Grace:
"Nancy Grace is the craziest show on TV - I love it! She covers the most gruesome crimes on television and then afterwards she cries and shows pictures of her own twins.It's such a (freaking) freak show."

Heard on the street.
Go Fish: The hottest new blues joint in town - for one night only, that is?
Check out Hannibal's at 75th and Wornall.

Star of the show: Twenty year-old up and comer Samantha Fish. Fish spearheads a Monday night blues jam that is attracting the top young blues belters in town. Do the names Trampled Under Foot, Danielle and Nick Schnebelen ring any bells?

As for the Fish, "I've been playing guitar for five years and I actually just quit my (day) job about a month ago to pursue this full time," she says. "I'm just doing the Samantha Fish Blues Band right now."

Her game plan: "I want to be a traveling musician," she says. "I want to do this for a living and travel the world. I try to put a lot of my art into it," she says. 'I try to make it as raw as I can."

Hamburger helper: about that recent rumor that a noodle chain would be taking over the McDonalds on the Country Club Plaza.

Not going to happen, says a manager I spoke with Saturday. Micky D recently re-upped for four more years, she reports.

Better times ahead? Hey there's no shortage of gloom and doom out there still, but Soho 119 style diva Carmen Spinelli thinks the bounce is on. She said as much recently at the upscale South Leawood spa, restaurant and high fashion boutique's first anniversary bash. "Yes, yes and I think people are really happy and this party is celebrating that," she says. "We're not there yet, but this party is celebrating the turn. We're not there yet but this party is celebrating the uptick."

Taking a Dare: Speaking Soho 119...this just in: Rock 98.9 FM morning main man Johnny Dare's ex girlfriend, Laura Madsen, is a manager and aesthetician at the trendy salon and vinotherapy hang..

(Have a Platte County news tip for Hearne? Emai him at hearne@kcconfidential.com)

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Rock Candy Boutique migrates

From Aug. 19, 2009 issue

Color him outta there…

Merriam councilman Dan Leap’s trendy downtown retail store Rock Candy Boutique has migrated to Missouri on 39th Street just east of State Line.

“It’s kind of neat because the people here know this area for vintage clothing and Merriam’s not really known for vintage,” says co-owner Shannon Wolf. “I mean, if you want your car repaired, Merriam’s pretty good – or if you want to buy a car.”

In addition to vintage clothing, the rock shop sells unusual goods like north of the river designer Evil Pawn Jewelry. Oh and and Leap’s Guitar Lamps.

Other benefits to moving from Merriam:

“I love, love, love this area – everyone over here is so nice,” Wolf says. “Like when I was outside painting people were introducing themselves to me and telling me how glad they were I was here.”

Just like Merriam, right?

“Not so much, but that might have to do mostly with (Dan’s) Guitar Lamp part and politics,” Wolf says. “It has mellowed there though. I think that area in downtown Merriam has a lot of potential though. It’s just not living up to what its potential is.”

CNN does Lenexa Flea Market

CNN chief business correspondent Ali Velshi hit town late last week as part of a six-day, seven state Health Care Road Trip.

“We’re talking to just regular people – no town hall meetings,” Velshi said when I caught up to him outside the Westport Flea Market.

In part CNN dodged the Town Hall meeting bullet to avoid posturing by political plants, Velshi says.

As for the KC stop, “ We did something different here,” he says. “We went into an upper middle class neighborhood in Lenexa and had a dinner party. And the people there felt like (health care) was too big to rush...They all felt health care was necessary, but their number one concern was how was it going to be paid for and was it going to increase taxes.”

Flea owner Joe Zwillenberg attended the dins then hosted a farewell feed for CNN the next day.

His on-air take on Obama’s health care plan:

“If you’re telling me one percent of my paycheck to get a plan that’s going to work I’d sign on today – and you know everybody’s taken care of. But if I see a $10,000 toilet seat on CNN Special Report – you know, it turns me off.”

Blowing Smoke Signals?

KC Confidential sports scribe Greg Hall’s was puzzled by Chiefs television play-by-play dude Dave Armstrong’s buoyant boosterism:

“There’s really a blend of optimism and a refreshing sense (about) this team,” Armstrong waxed, deep into the second half of the Chiefs preseason opening loss to the Texans.
Hall’s take: “Armstrong - who suddenly resembles an aging Mrs. Doubtfire or Larry Birds’ mom - was full of these propaganda-like comments that had no ties to reality. Optimism? Hey, I am rooting for the Chiefs to succeed just like any fan, but you would have to spend less time in KC than David Glass not to know this town expects the Chiefs to be dreadful this season. (And) Armstrong’s misinformation was not limited to Chiefs’ hyperbole.”

When Armstrong yelled “Fake Punt!” as the Texans “bartender-looking punter” stumbled to a first down, Hall mused “there was less fake in this punt than the current color of Mitch Holthus’ hair. (Is Mitch now a red head?) Even after replays showed the 41-year-old Matt Turk muff the deep snap, pick it off the ground, try to punt it and then decide to head downfield, Armstrong never acknowledged he blew the call.”

Of a certain Chiefs running back’s play, Armstrong told viewers “(He) looks like the new and improved Larry Johnson!”?

Hall’s take: “LJ had four carries for 12 yards. His longest run was for four yards. Dave Armstrong sounds like the same old homer. I understand these TV guys are supposed to help sell season tickets by being pro-Chiefs but these kinds of homer-simpsonisms insult a fan’s intelligence.”

Heard on the street…
Gang Green: This weekend’s Green Fest 2009 at the Uptown will spring some surprises, says main man Larry Sells. Above and beyond live entertainment, and the standard issue sustainable living and natural healing practitioners and rain barrel demonstrations. As in Victory Garden guidance.

“It’s like when we were in wars or a depression,” Sells says. “Like World War II - remember the victory gardens? Basically it’s (about) the survival of the human race - it’s the only place you can get food that doesn’t kill you. Like dandelion greens are a very good food - they’re good food and they have a medicinal value. They are an example of something really good that corporate America wants to wipe off the face of the earth.

Read more of Hearne’s work at kcconfidential.com

 

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Lakeside Speedway gets 'Discovered'

From Aug. 12, 2009 issue

One of Kansas City’s best kept secrets Lakeside Speedway in KCK is the subject of an upcoming the Discovery Channel special.

Producers Stone Roberts and Patrick McMananee have been hard at since the end of July taking in the Friday night dirt track racing scene that gave birth to boy and grrrl racers like Jennifer Jo Cobb.

What to expect?

“We’re doing a series on dirt track races there,” Roberts says. “It’s about passionate people that are racing for nothing but that.”

Stone expects the series to debut sometime this fall.

The wildest racing scene to go down thus far (the filming will continue into early September):

“I saw three cars at over 100 miles-per-hour going sideways into a wall – death defying - and they lived to tell the story,” McMananee marvels. “And they all walked away – I call it that this is the last American gunfight, dirt track racing in the Middle West.”

Power & Light District’s first casualty?

The spin-meisters might have you think otherwise, but the fact remains that the less-than-two years old Vinino Bistro downtown will close after business Friday.

It’s not exactly a secret that the Italian themed eatery never really took off. Especially by comparison to the wildly successful McFadden’s Sports Saloon next door.

A spokeswoman for the Power & Light District put a more positive spin on the closing by saying Vinino would only be closed for four weeks of major remodeling and expansion and employees would have the option of returning to the uh, space, when it reopens with something resembling an Italian theme.

Ah, but would it still be called Vinino, I asked?

That remains unknown, the spokeswoman said.

However, when an almost brand new restaurant closes for major upgrades after struggling with chef and menu changes from the get go and as few customers as Vinino appeared to attract, does it really make sense to retain the now-tarnished name?

Go ask Alice

KC Confidential’s Brian McTavish reports that – unlike what remains of many aging rock acts - Alice Cooper is still delivering the goods. In spades! Of Cooper’s sold out show last weekend at Ameristar, McTavish says, “Time may not have stood still, but it sure as hell got punched in the face for 90 minutes as fans -I’d say mostly in their forties and fifties - pumped their fists, played air guitar and otherwise pulsated to the furious flashback that they had clearly come to experience: Classic Cooper… The 61-year-old rock legend’s only concession to vanity – or, if you prefer, “image” – was the presumed black dye job on his still-long locks. We should all be so lucky.”

Hearne on the street…

More Star layoffs/reductions ahead? Insiders at 18th and Grand are abuzz that as many as another 20 KC Star newsroom staffers may be asked to either walk the plank or take pay and benefit cuts like those suffered earlier this year by movie critic Robert Butler, theater critic Robert Trussell and Local section columnist Mike Hendricks. In last month’s monthly meeting, the staff was reportedly told by management that while the cutbacks had been beneficial (and the Star is in the black), profits had not reached the projected levels. So while saving a hundred or two thousand bucks on sports scribe Joe Posnanski going to Sports Illustrated will helped, they apparently still have a ways to go.

The talk of more cuts was further fueled by editor Mike Fannin’s interrupting his vacation last to come in for three days of closed-door meetings.

Speaking of sports… KC Confidential sports dude Greg Hall’s take on Posnanski’s writing and moving to SI:

“Lots of sugar, very little bite - easy to pass on. He also seems to be stuck writing about a time period he never experienced. Here’s what some writers not under JoPo’s spell will tell you off the record – JoPo makes stuff up , especially quoted conversations, to enhance his stories. It will be interesting to watch if that tendency continues with his work at SI…if anybody reads SI anymore.”

Which brings us to “maybe the real reason JoPo is looking to leave - but not leave - but maybe not stay at The Kansas City Star,” Hall says. “While (Posnanski) has garnered much acclaim amongst his fellow sports writers, he is almost unknown outside the I-435 beltway Jason Whitlock is so well known nationally that he is now a one-name celeb. Let’s just say JoPo will not miss that size 56 shadow.”

Email Hearne at hearne@kcconfidential.com

 

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For this guy, every day is like Christmas

From Aug. 5, 2009 issue

You’ve heard of Christmas in July?

For Mike Babick pretty much every day of every month is Christmas in one form or another. That’s because for the past 40 years – since 1968 to be exact – the former ATT worker has turned his otherwise unassuming Prairie Village home into Kansas City’s most over-the-top private holiday wilding. Yet after passing it at 7611 Falmouth for years, I still couldn’t quite pick it for certain out on a recent summer drive by with daughters Liza and Savannah aboard.

“It’s the strange-looking brown house,” Babick says. “It’s quite different once I get everything put away – it’s like you say, camouflaged. Sometimes I have to hide out from all my opposition. Sometimes a man has to do what he has to do.”

When Babick began he had but a single string of Christmas lights around the front door. Kind of like the humble origin of the Country Club Plaza’s vaunted holiday lights.
Yet while the Plaza resorted to gross exaggeration in years past with its Thanksgiving lighting ceremony crowd counts, Babick has some hard numbers to share.

“Last year we had 250,000 cars come by,” he says. “That’s with a counter. Now there might be one person in a car or there might be a busload, so we can only guess. But we have a counter out on the street.

One aspect of the 66 year-old Babick’s animated holiday displays he’s most proud of:
“Everything moves out here, including me,” he says. “Although I’m getting a little slower. But I can still crawl up on the roof.”

It took about 10 years for Babick’s display to reach critical mass and touch off a firestorm of controversy among some of his neighbors at the time.

“We had some people move into the neighborhood who didn’t care for what we did but they’re long gone now,” he says. “But a lot of them still come by and visit – it’s really strange – but that’s human nature I guess, And they bring their grandkids now.”

Was a time, Babick did Halloween displays too, “That was just as big or maybe even larger than my Christmas display,” he says. “But I just didn’t have enough time to do both, so I chose Christmas.”

Longtime followers of Babick’s holiday displays will detect a sad passing this year. His rooftop Comicville characters have gone bye-bye.

“Remember that big hail storm that came through right after Christmas?” he asks. “Everything up on the roof was just pulverized.”

That’s the bad news; now the good.

“There’s a little town I’m going to build - a three dimensional, animated town that I’m building right now – and there are going to be about 32 three and one half to four foot houses up there all across the roof. Like a bakery shop, a pet shop, a hardware store, jewelry store, a hotdog stand – you name it – it’s going to be up there. And in each little house you will be able to look into the window and see mechanical people. Like in the pet shop a couple dogs and some little monkeys – and everything will be moving.”

So while Comicville is history, “Without something on the roof I think I’d be run out of town,” Babick jokes.

Speaking of which, are there any unhappy neighbors around still?

“Unhappy neighbors?” Babick says. “Just myself. If I don’t get something done I get kind of agitated. But the people here now, they’re OK with everything. Things are going pretty good. But they still don’t want me to decorate their houses. Several years ago I wanted to do the whole block – kind of like Candy Cane Lane.”

Babick’s end game: “My ultimate goal is infinity,” he says. “It can’t be stopped as long as I am capable of doing this I have to. The only thing that could happen is when I die, I can’t set up these displays. But you know, in my will I have on my casket that it will be lined in 1950s bubble lights. You know, an old-fashioned string of bubble lights that look like candles with water in them and they bubble. They’ll be on the outside and if they want to bury me with them, that’s how I want to go. But I think this is going to go on for a long time and with all my 15 grandkids and the two great grandkids and both my daughters, they can set this thing up in days. So as long as there’s a Babick around, I think you’re going to see a Christmas display – I really do.”

For more Hearne check out KC Confidential at www.kcconfidential,com or contact him at hearne@kcconfidential.com

 

 

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Sometimes, size does matter

Posted 7/30/09

You know, size matters...

Used to be that the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo's 72 ounce steaks - the one's you get free if you can pound 'em in an hour -seemed like a big deal.

That was before local PR chick Amanda Fredrickson dreamed this crazy scheme to supersize Adam's Rib sandwich the Ultimate Brisket Burger. Now the Big Texan's dino seems almost petite. At least it's a doable deal - chowing down on Fredrickson's UBB at Adam's Rib's another matter.

Think of it as impossible dream meets impossible nightmare.

I'll let Fredrickson describe it.

"This is a monster of a sandwich," she says. "It comes on a 12 inch Kaiser roll with three and one-half pounds of sliced meat on it. And it has a pound of cheddar cheese with four huge tomatoes, a full head of lettuce and six onion rings, and then its drenched in two cups of sauce. The whole burger weighs in at nearly 10 pounds."

R U hungry yet?

Oh and be sure and save room for the pound of french fries and three Adam's Rib's ho-made apple fritters that comes with it.

Which brings us to why are we even talking about this silly sandwich?

That's because 10 local celebrity entrants - at no cost to themselves - will belly up to a table at Adam's Rib in old Overland Park at 9148 Santa Fe Drive on Saturday August 15th at 3 p.m. and attempt to down one of these babies. Or at the very least, consume more of it than the other nine contestants. The one who eats the most will win between $5,000 and $10,000 for the charity of their choice. And no, that does not include their favorite lap dancer at Bazooka's...
"The way that you win is you eat more of the Ultimate Brisket Burger than anyone else," Fredrickson says. "Stretch is gonna do it."
That would be the artist who owns Grinder's in the Crossroads.
"And Chadwick Brooks is our emcee," Fredrickson says.
Fredrickson is still rounding up celebs but KC Mayor Mark Funkhouser says he'll consider doing it. For charity and all.
In the meantime ordinary everyday BBQ lovers can slide by Adam's Rib and take their best shot at the eatery's standard issue Brisket Burger.
Interested in giving it your best shot? Contact Fredrickson at - appropriately - pramanda@pigsflypr.com
The Boyz club
Boys will be boys, or so the expression goes by there are limits, right? Or are there.
610 Sports Chris & Cowboy show pushed those limits, according to KC Confidential's Greg Hall.
“If I’m in the middle of a game, I don’t want to hear from a woman even if she knows what she is talking about," Cowboy Cory Anderson told listeners, Hall reports." Maybe that sounds bigoted. Maybe that sounds sexist. I want to hear guys talk about sports. And if she is not hot, I definitely don’t want to hear what’s coming out of her mouth!”
Cowboy Cory Anderson, 610 AM
Hall's take: "Chris and Cowboy began this rant on women sportscasters by talking about the Erin Andrews peephole video that has circulated its way around the Internet. Their discussion quickly degenerated into a Cro-Magnon-like clubbing of any evolutionary progress the male species has attained over the past two or three million years."
“I agree. I don’t want to hear what they’re saying. I just don’t want to hear it at all!" chimed in co-host Chris Hamblin. "I don’t like girls doing sports reports on the news either. Sorry! For me, it’s just that they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about when it comes to sports.”
There's more...
“If the girl is not good looking, you want to hear absolutely zero coming out of her mouth," Anderson added. "That might sound shallow.”
Hall's take: "That MIGHT sound shallow? That would sound shallow to George Costanza."
“I think the majority of guys feel the same way that we do," Hamblin added. "We’re not going to Erin Andrews or Rachel Nichols for information or analysis of the game. We’re going to them to see how hot they are on that night – and it just so happens they may interview the coach.”
The piece de resistance:
“I’m not trying to be a sexist and I’m not a sexist," Anderson mused." This is just one particular part of my life where I really don’t like to hear women talk to me about it. If they’re hot, that’s fine, I don’t mind looking at them and whatever. … I really don’t like to listen to them analyze things, break down things and try to tell me what is happening on the field. It’s the one aspect of my life that I feel that way about.”

Hamblin's two cents worth: “I don’t like to have a guy tell me how to decorate my house – I like to have a woman.”
Hall's decorating tip for the duo: " I suggest a couple of Flintstone rock couches and a Barney Rubble slate table."
Heard on the street...
Field of WWI dreams: How Kevin Costner spent his free time in KC last week while in for his concert at Crossroads KC downtown? Aside from hanging with his pal, former Royals star George Brett, that is.
“We saw the World War I Museum today,” he told concertgoers. “I paid to get in. I paid. It’s really beautiful. It’s worth going to. It’s worth pondering. The world was at war. It seems it’s always at war.”

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Glazer's book may become a movie

Posted 7/24/09

Coming soon to a movie theater near you?

Stanford & Sons main man Craig Glazer’s true crime book “The King of Sting” that came out last year is edging towards Hollywood reality. That after Glazer jetted to LA last week to meet with producer Eric Eisner (ex Disney head Michael Eisner’s progeny) and high profile screenwriter Dan Gordon.

“He’s already written a rough draft script from interviews with me and reading the book,” Glazer says. “And he said, I’ve done a lot of projects and have read a lot of books and done a lot of movies but this is the most commercial comedy-drama I’ve ever read.”

So will Glazer’s book actually make it to the big screen?

“Nothing’s for sure, including Batman 5 until they shoot it,” he says. “But my feeling is that now that Eisner has hired a writer of this caliber the chances have increased dramatically. And I think with Dan on board they’ll be able to attract a bigger name director and bigger name actors.”

The ETA if it comes to pass: “The only indication I have is from IMBD and it says, King of Sting, 2011,” Glazer says. “That would be very quick – which means we’d be shooting it next year.”

Move over Oceans of Fun…

Schlitterbahn Vacation Village in KCK is up and running and KC Confidential’s Brian McTavish administered an early check up.

Net result: “It really cool, man,” McT says. “I didn’t see anything about it that was bad. I mean, it’s not Disneyland, but it’s gonna give Oceans of Fun a run for its money.

“What’s really cool is the Transportainment,” he continues. “So instead of waiting in line for all these rides you’ll be able to float in line for the majority of them.”

On a cool day the hottest ticket was the hotel-size pool called Henry’s Hideaway, “where people swim up to a bar and it’s like a giant hot tub,” McTavish says. “It’s the only attraction with heated water and bubble jets.”

Life after icons in Lawrence

Some of sister city to the west, Lawrence, Kansas finest have been dropping like flies, even in its charming downtown. High profile casualties include Silver Works and Arensberg Shoes.

"And the Palace is gone, it was a gift store that was here for 15 years or more," says Spectators / Hobbs owner Mark Swanson. "It had a nice little footprint. And the Round Corner Drug Co., that closed."

So it comes as no surprise to Java Break owner Derek Hogan that the vaunted annual sidewalk sale failed to draw the throngs it once did.

Just how bleak is it for our merchant neighbors to the west?

"It's been pretty tough for the last year, but it feels like it's coming back,” Swanson says. “Somebody told me there's always a culling of the herd and I think that's what's happening. You know, Abercrombie died here too. And Epic Apparel on 9th Street pulled out - they're just all the sudden gone - as in, leave the racks, out the door and gone."

Things are still going good for Java Break's Cereal Bar. Java Break is a 24/7 Lawrence coffeehouse.

"It's been going crazy," Hogan says. "We went through like 600 bananas one week during finals and midterms. That's way above average, but we'll sell 30 to 40 bowls a day on average and one some days we'll do 100 bowls."

The latest epic retail disaster to hit LA: tres hip, furniture boutique Blue Heron, is having a going out of business sale.

Swanson’s is philosophical about the still-dying or now dead business icons:
"You can't recreate what downtown Lawrence has in terms of ambiance and specialty stores," he says. "Downtown will more than survive - this isn't just a get-back-to-the-days-of-old deal, it's the days of new."

Save Standard; Ferris Bueller’s Day On?

About those desperate-seeming “Save Standard” signs in the windows of the Standard Style Boutique at Leawood’s Town Center and on the Plaza…

Could Kansas City's fashion forward finest find themselves having to leave town or shop at the Gap should if the economy kills off one the the area’s coolest stores?

Not gonna happen, says Standard co-owner Matt Baldwin. "It's just kind of a play on words. My neck is not on the line; it's really a shop local campaign is what it is."

Here’s the deal…

'The story is we love pop culture and because of that we love 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' when everybody at the school was showing support for him when he was sick," Baldwin says. "It's about how important it is in this economy to shop local, especially in these tough economic times. So that's kind of the message we're trying to get across. And because of our shocking marketing style, we think we can get away with it."

Come fall, Standard is helping launch buildkansascity.org, Baldwin says.

"We'll roll the site out with a short film," he says. "It’s just to really have a place to highlight (local) businesses and cross promote each other."

When you're hot, you're hot

In the case of Mo. State Rep. Jason Grill the heat keeps on coming. It's one thing for somebody to swipe the hunky pol's license plate sticker - that can and does happen to anyone - but Grill's framed publicity photo is another matter. Two have gone missing from the Westport Flea Market's "Wall of Fame."

"About a year ago I gave them a photo of me, a headshot and it was stolen," Grill says. "And I was like, 'Why would somebody steal that - there are so many pictures on that wall - you know, they have Holly Starr. So I gave them another photo and it was up for a couple months and it was stolen on Friday night."

This time though the culprits were nailed by the Flea's surveillance camera.

"This blonde girl walks up to it and she takes it off the wall and looks at it and starts laughing and dancing, then she puts it back on the wall," Grill says. "And her friend walks up and looks at it - I can't make out who they are although the video is in color - and then the blonde girl takes it again and puts it in her purse."

Sounds stalker-iffic...

Flea Market owner Joe Zwillenberg called Grill in for a police lineup or sorts but he could not recognize either hottie.

"It's just so weird - they obviously know who I am. I guess it's probably sitting on some girl's mantle or something as a joke."

Here's an idea; instead of replacing it again, what about just putting up a rack of autographed 8x10s next to the dart board with my photo?

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Comedian vs. Hotel Phillips

Posted 7/17/09

Life after Wakarusa

When the Wakarusa Music & Camping Festival reared its newborn head in five years ago nobody knew first year festies would be eaten alive by bugs or third year party-out-of-boundsters would be mired in something resembling a police state with spy gear and busts galore.

Still the mighty Wakarusa – next to Rockfest the area’s largest outdoor music fest - soldiered on for five years in Lawrence then made a bold move to Arkansas last month for Wakarusa 6.

Little was said by the usual local media suspects...until now.

So how did things go?

"It did well," says promoter Brett Mosiman. "We're quite happy with our new home. It's a fabulous site."

This year's fest took a bit of a hit based on the economy but, "It felt a little bigger because there were considerably more four-day tickets sold this year," Mosiman says. "I think the new site contributed to that and some people liked the lineup better and gas wasn't $4 a gallon."

So will next year's Wakarusa go down in Ark? "Yes, we'll be back," Mosiman says. "The first week of June."

How the new Mulberry Mountain digs worked out versus Wakarusa's Clinton State Park birthplace?

"I think it was definitely a better fit because it's in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors on private land," Mosiman says. "It was a perfect move for us and the kids really loved it. It's one of the best festival sites in American without a doubt."

So much so that Mosiman is partnering another fest there next month: the Mulberry Mountain Harvest Music Festival.

"It's a little more like Winfield," Mosiman says of the music mix. "It's pretty heavy on the string-based music."

Acts include Ozark Mountain Daredevils, Umphrey's McGee, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Squirrel Nut Zippers and Split Lip Rayfield.

The highlight of this year's Wakarusa?

"The weather was perfect all four days," Mosiman says. "And seeing all those smiling faces again and the lack of problems and worries. So we feel like we kind of got our mojo back."

Which brings us back to the sometimes rocky relationship with Wakarusa's now former Clinton State Park home and the Kansas Department of Wildlife & Parks. The Lawrence Journal World, for example reported late last year that the fest still owed the department $25,000 in unpaid bills.

Amy Thornton, an attorney for the department, told the Journal World that Wakarusa’s move was “probably best for both parties.”

So was this year's Wakarusa a moneymaker? "I think so," Mosiman says. “I think our numbers were up from what we would have done here (in Lawrence) and we were able to rein in our expenses better there."

And the law enforcement down south?

"The law enforcement was very pleasant to work with," Mosiman says.

Will Brüno go mano-a-mano with Hotel Phillips?

To say that the blockbuster new Sacha Baron Cohen movie Brüno is rude and crude beyond almost belief would be something of an understatement…

Trust me – especially if you liked Brüno’s predecessor Borat but your sensibilities lean even slightly to the side of clean-cut fun.

Now put yourself in the place of Hotel Phillips marketing man Blaine Proctor. After being lead to believe a documentary would be basing itself out of the hotel in Spring 2008, Proctor found himself on the receiving end of a concerned call from a hotel engineer who had gone to Cohen’s room to cure a minor technicality.

What Proctor and the engineer witnessed can be seen in the movie, which opened last weekend.

"They were in bed and using some kind of bondage stuff," Proctor says. "They weren't actually having sex and neither one of them was naked… "I saw these two guys and the room was full of cameras and I asked them to lower their cameras. And Sacha kept asking me to do things, like would I go and get the remote and would I unlock them. I just told them, no, that they were going to have to leave. And after a while, I just told our security guy to call the police.”

Proctor says the hotel’s attorney asked Brüno’s producers to leave the hotel and its staff out of the movie. Fat chance.

That said, while the release signed by the hotel may preclude it pursuing legal recourse, sources say that at least one of the hotel staffers sucked involuntarily into the on-camera ambush is looking into taking action.

And while Proctor’s lips are now sealed, he did leave this comment on kcconfidential.com on Friday just prior to seeing the movie:

"It really has nothing to do with (the hotel’s) brand or image. We could possibly benefit from the exposure. It has everything to do with the fact that one of our employees was pulled into the situation under false pretenses, then was shocked and offended by what he thought he saw. Baron Cohen shouldn’t be able to profit from that."

Stay tuned.

Hearne on the street…

The ghost of Kansas City’s jazz legacy past: As sacrileges go, it doesn’t get much better than the one being perpetrated by esteemed KC jazz joint Jardine’s.

To combat a difficult economy the club is hosted local heavy metal bands on Monday nights!

"That's not jazz," manager Carrie Brockman told me as I approached the front door last week. "It's Not Jazz Monday, off-the-calendar Monday. This is our first night, what do you think?"

Very heavy duty actually and an interesting change up is my answer.

"We were just going to do private parties on Mondays and then we thought, why not try this out?" Brockman says. "I mean, who wants to stand and hear a rock show when you can sit? In these tough times you have to try everything. And we want to make some money on a Monday night. So we'll do it through the summer every other Monday. And we'll also have private parties."

As for how Jardine's "regulars" took to the new scene complete with scads of skin, tattoos and piercings, "There was only one person I turned away," Brockman says. "He just said, 'Never mind.' What's going to happen with this is that people are going to get pissed off - that's what's going to happen. Because there are two schools of thought: one is that one non-jazz show makes you not a jazz club. And the other is that one jazz show a month makes you a jazz club."

That said there is one caveat: “We won't put it on the calendar,” Brockman says. “It'll be a secret. Check out the flyers on the table for the next show - you'll laugh.”

(Check out more Hearne at kcconfidential.com or email him at hearne@kcconfidential)

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THESE HALTER TOPS
NOT LIKE THE 70s

Posted 7/10/09

Robert Osborne, Neko Case & Eli Wallach

When National World War I Museum honcho Eli Paul scored a guest spot with host Robert Osborne on Turner Classic Movies to promote the Liberty Memorial based museum here he got a taste of all three.

“It was a really cool deal,” Paul says. “I got to mention the museum a lot to our demographic.”

Not to mention behind the scenes action with acclaimed singer/songwriter Neko Case who headlines the Uptown July 19th.

“I’m not going to be in Kansas City for her show, but I promised her a tour of the museum,” Paul says. “She’s a very interesting person, very intelligent. I didn’t have to leave for a couple hours so I got to be behind the camera and watch her. She did four movies and she did a great job. I can’t remember all the movies but she likes black and white movies, and one of them was ‘A Face in the Crowd’ starring Andy Griffith.”

There’s more.

“She was really juiced up about it,” Paul adds. “Her publicist said when her new CD came out they talked about how they were going to promote it and one of the things she wanted to do was be on Turner Classic Movies. I think she’s going to be on in December. And if you look on her CD, the dress she is wearing looks like the one she wore on TCM.”

Which brings us to the cutting room floor portion of Paul’s adventure…

“At one time we were sitting on the couch and Mr. Osborne referred to me as Eli Wallach,” Paul says. “Then I heard the director in the back yell, ‘Cut!’ But you know, I’m a fan of the Magnificent Seven so I thought that was a compliment.”

Halter Top Day goes to heck in hand basket

For more than a decade, the KC Royals resisted the temptation to resurrect one of the team’s arguably tackiest promotions ever, Halter Top Day…

“I hear about this so often it's unbelievable," then Royals marketing sparkplug Mike Levy told me at the Star in 1998.

"Let's put it this way," he continued. "Certain promotions at one time were politically correct and now they're not…I guess the best you could say about it is we always have it under consideration, because each year it continues to resurface in our marketing session."

So maybe there was a snowball’s chance, but not much more.

Until this year’s 40th anniversary…

"They were infamous," Royals mouthpiece Toby Cook told me just prior to the season’s start.”

Well, they did it – the Royals brought it back on Saturday, but in dialing out the poor taste, they also killed off the promotion’s soul.

Hey don’t take my word for it.

Former New Times photographer Dale Monaghen was a working photojournalist at the first Halter Top Day in the 1970s. Monaghen’s take on this year’s halter tops?

“It’s kind of matronly looking,” he says. “Let’s just say, it’s not very revealing compared to the ones in my photos. The new one looks like a T-shirt without sleeves. It does have a V neck but it goes up in the armpit area a lot higher.”

Therein lies the problem.

The original Royals halter tops were cleavage-free, but open backs encouraged bra-less-ness, midriffs were exposed and sagging sides made for major peek-a-boo action, Monaghen notes.

Now let’s do the math…

On a scale of one to ten - with 10 the raciest - how the two compare?

Monaghen rates this year’s a 4 and the original halter top an 8.

Translation: after disavowing halter tops for years, the Royals acceded to overwhelming fan fervor, then big time chickened out with a way conservative design.

Still as unsexy as they were, this year’s promotion wasn’t a complete bust.

“Well, on the right person wouldn’t anything be sexy?” Monaghen quips.

You guys think this looks easy, right?

Wrong….

Writing KC Confidential and living to tell the story is no walk in the park. All I can say, is thank heavens Sun publisher Steve Rose promised to throw in combat pay with my seven figure contract.

How grisly can it get?

When’s the last time you got a drink tossed at you in a public place?

It was a first for me too shortly before midnight Thursday when Pitch staff writer Peter Rugg exited Lew’s Grill & Bar in Waldo, executed a finger point shout out to me and then hurled his drink, striking me, a waitress and Lew’s co-owner Andy Lewellen.

You got it, free public showers, no waiting, courtesy of KC’s leading alternative newsweekly.

The incident came on the heels of my reporting on another journalistic landmark by a fellow Pitch writer who created a stir by knee jerking on the Jazzy Jeff controversy at Power & Light and dropping no less than four f-bombs on Cordish, the P&L District, concert promoter AEG and the Sprint Center.

Back to Thursday…

So I’m sitting in Lew’s interviewing Lewellen when I notice the two Pitch reporters in an adjacent booth.

What followed is one for the funny books and local pop culture history - though I can’t decide whether to classify it as a drive-by-dissing or a splash-and-run.

“I’ve seen a lot of things, you have the weirdest people come up and talk to you,” Lewellen says. “But I’ve never seen anything like that.”

Uh, ditto…

For more Hearne go to kcconfidential.com

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The anatomy of a
sleepy movie review

Posted 7/2/09

The bottom line for those of us trapped here in the ever so humble flyover zone: we’ll pretty much take whatever good PR we can get...

So huzzah to former Star scribe Catharine Hamm’s “A hearty helping of Kansas City BBQ” story last week in the Los Angeles Times.

“Please don't tell the family this, but they're not the only reason I return to Kansas City whenever I can. I love them, of course, but I can talk to them on the phone,” the story begins. “We can e-mail. We can Twitter, for crying out loud. But barbecue is something you have to do in person. And it is best done here in the Heartland.”

What sets Hamm’s story apart from the standard issue smoked meats schmooze is that she explains she’s not going to belabor Gate’s or Bryant’s as is somewhat the custom.

“…Because you cannot top perfection,” she writes. “But you can compete with it. And in this last trip -and two before it - I ate my approximate weight in barbecue just to see if I could find a contender or two.”

In addition to, uh, hamming it up, Hamm brings out a few interesting factoids, like that there are “about 80” BBQ joints here and while KC is about half the size of LA it has but a sixth the population.

There’s more…

“Before you begin your trek, you should know about the three distinct personalities of the areas we'll be visiting,” Hamm writes. “First, there's Kansas City, Mo. It's the big red dog, the place that was once wild and woolly, where machine politics and the Mafia proliferated…. KCMO may remind you of your niece who seems so lovely when she's around the grown-ups, then sneaks away to do the fandango at the local naughty place.”

Kansas City as a “naughty niece,” who knew?

Next comes KCK.

“It's sort of the stuttering second cousin to KCMO,” Hamm says. “It tries hard. Sometimes it succeeds, oftentimes it doesn't. It's not as large and not as prosperous as KCMO, but it does have some great barbecue.”

Not too harsh – hey, KCK has suffered worse indignities.

Now brace yourselves cause here comes Johnson County – or “Oklahoma” as my in-laws used to refer to it when taking friendly shots at my move to South Overland Park.

“It comprises several towns, has top-drawer schools and multimillion-dollar houses,” Hamm says. “It's been called cupcake land, but it also has plenty of barbecue, so that counters the accusation of suburban bland.”

Hamm goes anoints Fiorella’s Jack Stack and Danny Edwards – no arguments there. But she threw me a curve when she name-dropped a place I never heard of, Brobecks Barbeque near 107th and Roe.

“Please, purists, don't hurt me,” Hamm pleads. “I tried Brobecks in Johnson County, which opened in November 2007, and I liked it. A lot. The problem: Brobecks is not, strictly speaking, Kansas City barbecue. Instead, it relies on rubs and not sauces - although it has sauces too.”

Sadly, Hamm’s final note confirms what some KC barbecue aficionados have known for some time, that the once mighty Hayward’s has changed.

“I've been a big Hayward's fan almost since it opened in 1972 about two miles north of where it is now,” she says.” I've never had a bad bit of barbecue there, but that night wasn't the best I've ever had...”

Very gutsy – it’s not easy taking a local BBQ institution to task. Now here’s a reward for the Hamm-ster’s bravery:

Check out Hope Loehr’s new Adam’s Rib at 9148 Santa Fe Drive in Overland Park. The former Hayward’s manager is fast fading from best-kept-secret status to KC masterpiece!

Wonder lays down Michael Jackson tribute

How intense was Friday’s Stevie Wonder show at Starlight? Very.

“When first announced, Stevie Wonder’s concert Friday at Starlight Theatre was seen as significant for being the celebrated hit-maker’s first show in Kansas City since 1986 at Kemper Arena,” writes KC Confidential’s Brian McTavish. “Call it history with a little ‘h.’

“Then Michael Jackson died on Thursday – only a day before Wonder’s show at Starlight – and the resulting pop-culture shockwave instantly imbued the gig with a previously unimagined magnitude. Call it History.”

History, indeed…

“If the show came down to a single scintillating interval that provided the catharsis that so many were looking for, it was when Wonder and company kicked into the immediately recognizable introduction to Jackson’s universally adored dance hit, ‘Billie Jean,’ McTavish opined. “The incredibly cool part? Except for a well-placed MJ-like ‘woo-hoo-hoo!’ or two from Wonder, the main man kept quiet and let the audience solely belt out the song in its entirety. It was a brilliant and inspirational gesture, allowing the fans to pour out their love for Jackson and claim him as their very own when they needed to most.

As the music faded, audience members shouted: ‘We love you, Michael!’”

Anatomy of a movie review

Just how thrilling is America’s new No. 1 movie, Transformers 2, as media types like to call it?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

That was Star movie scribe Robert Butler’s reaction to the practically nonstop special effects explosion and robotic battle action thriller. Butler actually fell asleep on the job while reviewing it last week during one of the film’s most intense battle scenes.

After KC Confidential reported the snooze online, the Star held up Butler’s promised to be online by noon review for more than two hours!

When it finally surfaced – voila! – it began with a confession by the critic.

“Something is seriously amiss when a movie as noisy and frenetic as ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ is so boring it puts you to sleep.”

Then things got a little weird.

“But I’m not ashamed to admit it: I think even I might have caught a few ZZZZs near the end of Michael Bay’s latest.,” Butler continued. “Not so much sleeping as resting from the onslaught.”

Huh?

Readers unfamiliar with KC Confidential’s reporting were likely to wonder as to all the asides about how much sleep Butler did or didn’t get during the movie. The only thing missing: what or whom he dreamed about.

One final mystery…

When the print version of the review came out the next day, Butler’s alibi second paragraph was nowhere to be found.

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Northtown Opry now in
business at Edgerton

Posted 6/26/09

To laugh or not to laugh, that was the question…

Apparent answer: not to laugh.

The Famous Johnnys comedy club at Hooters Plaza is no more. That in the wake KC Confidential’s report two weeks ago that the club had been quietly hosting hip-hop dance nights. The news raised the eyebrows of Overland Park’s finest.

“If they are doing that without a permit, they are in violation,” police spokesman Jim Weaver told me two weeks ago.

Club Eyce, as it was called, operated for an unknown period as a hip-hop/Top 40 dance club inside Clinton Warren’s Famous Johnnys.

Warren did not return calls and the building’s real estate broker Micah Feingold says he’s unaware of the situation with Club Eyce or Famous Johnnys.

However business neighbor Aaron Nagori – owner of El Rinconcito, a seller of Columbian and South and Central American dried and frozen foods – says he was an eyewitness to Famous Johnnys closing.

“You just missed them by five minutes,” he told me Monday just after 11 a.m. “They got everything out of there. They were open as of Saturday night, that was the last time I saw anybody there. I watched (Clint) pack everything up this morning…And him and his wife were moving stuff out last night until 1 a.m.”

As for the dance club venture, “(Clint) was operating as a comedy club and renting out the space to Club Eyce to make extra income and cover the bills,” Nagori says.

Local comic Elliott Threatt’s take?

“Famous Johnnys is no more,” Threatt says.

“I was the first comic to headline there.”

Threatt’s take on the closing?

“Why do I think it closed? It’s just hard in this economy to have three comedy clubs running – we don’t have enough people for three clubs.”

Quixotic By Any Other Name

KC Confidential entertainment watchdog Brian McTavish didn’t know quite what to expect from local dance troupe Quixotic’s performance of “Lux Esalare” (Thursday through Saturday at UMKC’s Spencer Theater).

With local hype that won’t quit, fair-minded reviewer needs to pack a bit of healthy skepticism in their First Aid kits – after all they are just local, right?

McTavish’s bottom line: “The cutting-edge Kansas City dance company’s newest extravaganza actually lived up to the pre-show buzz.”

Hey, but even rave reviews need a reality check. “Too syrupy?” McTavish says. “OK, maybe it would have blown chunks instead of my mind if I were the type to equate modern dance with waterboarding. But I’ve got a little more class than that. And I do mean a little.”

Northtown Opry Rides Again!

One of North Kansas City’s most fabled family-friendly country and western music showcases, the Northown Opry is back in biz…

Albeit in a neighboring township.

After 18 years at what is now the Screenland Armour movie theater, the city booted Opry main man Byron Jones and sold the theatre out from under him. The initial plan was to remodel the theater and let Jones back in, but as the redo went from months to years and expenses soared, the city sold it, leaving Jones high and dry.

Until now…

“I’ve got shows going on now in Edgerton, Missouri up north of Smithville,” Jones says. “I call it the Northtown Opry Theatre, but it used to be the Union Mill Opry. I can seat about 500 people now, so yeah, it’s a pretty good size.”

Jones new game plan:

“What we’re doing right now is we’re running Branson type shows,” he says. “Later when we get going to where we’re going, we’re going to bring in some names, but right now we’re mostly local. We’re doing shows every Saturday night at 7 p.m.”

And it’s just a hop, skip and jump away from KC, Jones says.

“It’s only 35 miles from North Kansas City,” he says. “You go through Smithville and you’re only 14 miles from there. We don’t have a street address, we just call it two miles north of Edgerton on Highway B.”

Jonas who?

When selling handmade Guitar Lamps is your stock in trade, you just never know who’ll be on the line when your phone rings.

In controversial Merriam pol Dan Leap’s case it was Team Jonas Brothers.

“(They)called up a few months back and said they wanted a Guitar Lamp for their new TV series that they just started to film,” Leap says. “So they ordered a black Fender Stratocaster floor lamp.”

Speaking of floored, clearly Leap was not.

“At first I didn’t know who they were,” he says. “I was like, ‘Who are they?’ Then other friends clued me in. I didn’t really know who they were, but my ears perked up when I heard ‘TV show.”

Check out Leap’s lamp in brutha Joe’s room at http://tv.disney.go.com/disneychannel/jonas/characters/?room=horace

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Why did Royals ditch
all-you-can-eat deal?

Posted 6/19/09

Thinking about slipping into your fat suit and heading out to The K for some Royals baseball in the team’s all-you-can-eat seats?

Think again…

Try as I did to get a response from Royals mouthpiece Toby Cook on whether the promotion still existed going into its third year, and how to get tickets for the seats (the team operator shot me to an outside ticket broker when I asked the first time), I could not get an answer.

Everybody was too busy maybe? Or perhaps they’re still bummed about having to supersize those tiny, Sharpie-sized hotdogs the team cheaped out on at the first Buck Night this year. After KC Confidential broke the news about fan furor over the fact that they no longer were dishing full-size dogs, Cook went on 610 Sports Chris & Cowboy show and promised to widen the wieners.

Unfamiliar with the Royals’ fat farm foolishness?

Tickets for the jelly belly jam ranged from $30 to $45 each and included all the hot dogs, peanuts, nachos, soft drinks and popcorn a hungry fan could stand. Five hundred all you can eat seats per game were available last year.

I can now report after three days of trying to get a straight answer, that I was finally told by someone in the ticket department or whatever the deal was history.

Since the Royals aren’t talking, I can only field a guess as to why it went away.

This time last year the Star gave the promotion front-page play. Complete with the requisite local high school dude who slammed nine dogs, six bags of nuts and seven sodas. But instead of letting the risible times roll, the Star stuck it to the Royals and turned the tale into a teachable moment.

“The lineup of available food — in an era when people are supposed to be more aware of eating healthy — makes nutritionists cringe,” the Star sniped. “The offerings generally are high in fat and calories and low on nutrition, said Barb Marsh, a dietitian and nutrition coordinator at Shawnee Mission Medical Center.”

On and on the disparagement drifted until the PR schmooze the Royals likely expected morphed into the PR nightmare they ultimately got.

As for the KC Confidential “investigative “story that might have gone down this year had political correctness not set in, “Maybe it’s just as well,” shrugs KCC entertainment sparkplug Brian McTavish. “It kind of puts the on-field race between ketchup, mustard and relish back in the hallowed place where it belongs, because we all know there’s nothing more filling than that.”

Cool Carnival Alert

For the second year straight, Aristocrat Motors is fielding a three weekend long family fun fair …

For free, no less – come one come all.

Hey and it’s actually pretty darn cool.

“We have entertainers, stilt walkers, face painters, jugglers and things like that every Saturday,” says marketing manager Robert Hellweg. “And we brought back the exotic animal petting zoo with monkeys, camels and kangaroos. Then we added inflatables, from skee ball to a 70-foot long inflatable obstacle course. And there’s an entire gallery of electric arcade games and everything’s free.”

Including freshly grilled hamburgers, hotdogs and a bell-clanging ice cream truck – also free.

“It goes hand in hand with the Aristocrat kids playground at Oak Park Mall,” Hellweg says. “And it’s open to the public. It’s a way for us to get people to come into the dealership without any strings attached. Just bring your kids and have a good time, you don’t have to buy anything.”

Waldo Crawldo Redux

Once upon a time Kansas City was something of a jazz pub-crawl hotbed…

No mas.

These days KC’s pub-crawl bragging rights belong to beloved burg Waldo, the former urban/suburban wallflower that blossomed into an entertainment district of sorts a couple years back.

As for last weekend’s fifth edition of Waldo Crawldo, “It was the biggest one ever,” says Lew’s co-owner Andy Lewellen. “We had 13 bars this year and all 13 did great. We estimate we had at least 3,000 people come through. It was a huge success – it seemed like everybody in the Kansas City area came to Waldo Saturday.”

It’s a gift to Waldo merchants that keeps on giving, Lewellen says.

“What’s great about it is, we get a customer base that has never been to our bars,” he says. “And if we do things right, those people are going to come back.”

The problem with the once successful jazz pub-crawl: got too big for its own good, Lewellen says.

“I used to go on it all the time and the last time I went they had like three different bus routes – it was just so complicated and so spread out and with bars that never played jazz music before. I don’t even know if there are enough jazz bands to go around for 20 or 25 bars.”

One thing that was in abundance in Waldo: women.

“Oh, dude – I’ve never seen so many hot women in one night in my life,” Lewellen says. “I’ll bet you we had like every good-looking girl in town in Waldo. And it was easy pickings.”

A Wienermobile by any other name?

A couple weeks back KC Confidential got its paws on a spy pic of a funky-looking faux cheeseburger with tires…

Turns out it was Westport Flea Market owner Joe Zwillenberg’s new business magnet/toy, a made-in-New York City Burgermobile.

Honest to gosh.

“It’s awesome, it’s beyond what I thought it would be,” Zwillenberg says “The guy that drove it here (on a truck) said he’d never had this much fun in his life. People were freaking out, pulling up next to him on the highway and snapping pictures while he was driving.”

And now that it’s here?

“I just have to figure out now where I’m going to store it - it’s 8 feet tall,” Zwillenberg says. “It’s got ketchup, onions, pickles and lettuce on it and a big slice of cheese on the hood. And it gets 500 calories to the gallon.”

One caveat:

“You’ve got to be careful driving it, it’s so low to the ground,” Zwillenberg says. “I mean I don’t want to scrape the bun.”

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News reporter F-bombs
Power & Light District

Posted 6/12/09

Are you ready for some hip-hop?

That’s a question Overland Park police may soon be asking in the wake of the Famous Johnny’s comedy club at Hooters Plaza adding a hip-hop component to the late night entertainment mix.

In recent weeks Club Eyce, as it is called, has been kicking it hip-hop style at the South Overland Park nightspot.

“We’ve definitely noticed the difference in our weekend crowd and a lot more traffic” since Club Eyce opened, says Hooters Girl Ashley Dominick.

As in urban or African American?

"Yes, definitely,” she says. “To put it bluntly. But there haven’t been any problems so far. But they haven’t been doing it very long at all.”

Overland Park police spokesman Jim Weaver‘s take?

“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” Weaver says. “But we’ve had (other) dance clubs of different kinds come in and out of town. Every place that serves alcohol, we report to those places on a routine basis. That’s just part of those kind of businesses.”

All that said, the area’s most sensational club related crimes have seemed to involve the hip-hop scene.

“I think it’s a riot waiting to happen,” says one entertainment executive who asked not to be named. “It’s just a matter of time until the wrong crowd comes in there and there’s gunplay – that’s just the way it is.”

For 10 years Fairway resident Craig Glazer ran hip-hop themed Club 504 in Westport.

“In my experience with the busiest urban dance club here ever, they are always problematic, especially late at night” Glazer says. “But we had tremendous experience and we had a very large door staff and off duty police officers - as many as 12 of them - and even given that it still was not easy. The reason most hip-hop clubs have problems is they lack that level of security and they don’t have the level of law enforcement presence that Westport has.”

As for the Club Eyce dance club action to date, “if they are doing that without a permit they are in violation,” Weaver says.

However Club Eyce promoter Gary Mitchell stresses the club will not be limited to hip-hop and will encompass other Top-40 fare.

"Club Eyce basically is a multi-faceted entertainment venue," Mitchell says. "It's kind of a lounge inside Famous Johnnys and we'll have some live music coming in, a variety of different things. We'll be offering poetry."

Is hip-hop controversial?

"It is," Mitchell says. "But people have to understand that if you're going to go 100 percent hip-hop or whatever you want to do, you have to do it the right way. For one, you have to have a controlled environment. Hip-hop is an urban music but also there is an underground element to it."

Pitch Reporter F-bombs Power & Light, AEG, Sprint Center

Alternative newsweekly the Pitch’s Nadia Pflaum unleashed an expletive-laced tired of, you know, f-bombs on Kansas City’s downtown entertainment district earlier this week on the social networking site Facebook.

To say it was harsh would be a monumental understatement.

“Why must KC be so constantly embarrassing??” Pflaum foamed, adding, “I mean, I know, it's those (numbnuts) at P&L, but that's not how it'll play outside of KC.”

Ah but that was just the beginning…

“(Screw) the Power & Light, (screw) Cordish, (screw) AEG, (screw) paying tax money to be publicly embarrassed and forever attract B-level stage acts to an arena without an anchor tenant...I could go on.”

No need – message received.

That the three entities of Pflaum’s enmity may be the Pitch’s top three advertisers in a time when money is more than scarce is one matter…

However to suggest that Sprint Center – even sans its hoped-for NBA or NHL sports tenant – has been a slacker, choking out “B-level” acts like Garth Brooks, Mylie Cyrus and Coldplay is uh, silliness. C’mon.

ADAMS FAMILY REDUX

Everybody done celebrating Memorial Day, Valentine’s?

For some locals those holidays never quite quit. Take Bridget and John Anaya, a husband / wife duo that run Charter Funerals in Merriam, Kansas. Bridget is Charter’s GM and John its funeral director.

So who outranks whom?

“I do, I’m the outranking one,” Bridget says. “I’m the supervisor – here – not at home.”

The couple met in 1996, sharing their passion for embalming and the darker arts
.
“We just became friends through our jobs and it happened,” Bridget says. “But we were both dating other people when we met, so it took awhile.”

Dating other funeral folks?

“The guy I was dating worked for a burial vault company in another state,” Bridget says. “It’s hard to meet people in this business. Some people are – I don’t want to use the word, turned-off – but maybe that is the word. Some people think it’s weird or creepy.”

The flip side of that coin: it’s not like Anaya would have wanted to date a funeral fan boy.

“Exactly,” she says.

How about getting hit on by the bereaved?

“Occasionally, but you know, I don’t take it very seriously,” Bridget says. “The people I would get hit on by were not my type – older people in their 60s and 70s – it’s happened.”

What it’s like to come home after after spending the day with dead folks?

“We have a pretty boring, non-morbid kind of life,” Bridget says. “Suburban Kansas, you know. We leave our work at work.”

While the larger part of the job is comforting families, etc, the Anayas have had their share of togetherness via transporting bodies, embalming - even playing dress up with clothes and makeup.

“That’s called preparation and cosmetology,” Bridget says. “A lot of that is kind of learning by doing.”

Do people they meet socially consider them like the Adams Family?

“Not really at this point,” Bridget says. “They probably did at first, but it’s no big deal.”

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Mancow says his waterboarding stunt was the real deal

Posted 6/5/09

Kansas City export Erich Mancow Muller has been all over national news since submitting recently to on-air waterboarding in Chicago on radio station WLS.

Like Fox News yakker Sean Hannity, Muller was skeptical of waterboarding constituting torture. But he did a 180 on the topic after choking down H2O for just 6 seconds before crying uncle.

After which the Web site Gawker insinuated that Mancow faked it and the echo effect was deafening. The Cow denies that, of course.

"I mean, we had 50 cameras there, it was real," Mancow says. "Nobody's giving any credit to Gawker and nor am I."

The Cow says he did indeed take the waterboarding hit.

"There's no straightening of it out at all," he says. "I mean, the definition of waterboarding is you hold your head back and somebody pours water over your face. They're saying, 'Well, you weren't in chains' and all that. But we had to tell everybody up front that we weren't going to do it because of the insurance companies. That's how you always do stuff in radio; you ask forgiveness, not permission."

Demetri waxes absurd, then ballistic

About Friday night’s Demetri Martin show at the Uptown…

The good-looking 36 year-old Comedy Central funny guy served up deadpan one-liners to a standing-room only crowd “from deep left field…strongly influenced by absurd stand-up Steven Wright, who never met a conundrum he didn’t like,” reports KC Confidential’s Brian McTavish. “Sometimes Martin “sang” his brief musings over his own bluesy keyboard or guitar playing.”

A sampling of Martin’s material:

“I don’t know when the question mark first appeared, but I bet you it worked right away: ‘Hey, what is this?’ Exactly!”

“I think the best thing ever of all time is exaggeration. No, I like second guessing better.”

“I want to make ice cream in a flavor called cone. So I can say, ‘Can I get a cone cone?’ ”

“When I have a baby, I’m going to put anti-aging cream on it right away.”

“I think it’s cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.”

“When Martin began strumming his guitar and playing his harmonica, a man in the crowd loudly heckled his musicianship. Then it got interesting,” McTavish says.

“Thanks, (jerk),” Martin said. “That’s one of the most dick-headed things that anyone’s ever said to me – and after I did an hour, 18 (minutes) for you. What an ungrateful piece of (dung). Where are you? I can’t see you…there you are. What fraternity are you in?”

“None,” the man said.

“What’s your job, stud?” Martin said.

“Nurse,” the man said.

“That makes sense,” Martin said. “You’re very nurturing…do you play instruments?”

Rockfest 2009

Talk about R-rated heat waves…

That’s one eyewitness account of this year’s Rockfest heavy metal meltdown at Liberty Memorial.

“The good news is the weather brought out a lot more people – or maybe it just seemed like it – because there was a lot more skin,” says Stanford’s main man Craig Glazer. “I mean, you wake up and it’s already 80 and you know it’s going to hit 90 and you know you’re going to get a good tan and you know that girls tops are coming off.”

The bad: extreme heat meets sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.

“I think what was wild was all the young people that underestimated that kind of heat,” Glazer says. “I saw a girl in the VIP tent near me literally pass out from the heat and start flopping around and her friend was pouring water on her. There were a lot of ambulances coming in and out of there all day taking people to the hospital because of the heat and everybody was talking about it.”

One puzzling sidebar to the 50,000-person free-for-all: Rock 98.9 FM personality Johnny Dare and porn star Ron Jeremy.

Something about Dare checking Jeremy to “see if he was as well-endowed as he supposedly was,” Glazer says. “And the report was that he was.”

Hello…where’s the mystery?

Jeremy’s, um, credentials are well documented by his 384 acting credits. The arguably funnier mystery: two grown men at a rock festival with one dude checking the other out.

Money & tourism talks

Once again, Kansas City’s World War I museum at Liberty Memorial was both the winner and loser courtesy of this year’s Rockfest. The museum wanted to make the fest move because no way can they remain open with 40,000 to 50,000 drunken expeditioners soaking up the parking and running around wasted and/or partially undressed.

Net result: visiting tourists with little appetite for head banging in the noonday sun may drag here from gosh-knows-where only to find a closed museum.

The reason the fest gets to stay and play at the museum’s expense?

“Well, there are a lot of people on the parks board and our board who think it’s very important that there are strong economic drivers in the downtown area,” says museum spokeswoman Denise Rendina. “And it’s an event for a certain crowd of people that endears them to Kansas City and our property.”

Then there’s the $$$ factor: as in $50,000 rent paid the museum.

But remember, they’re only using our southwest lawn now and Penn Valley Park,” Rendina says. “So they’re also paying the parks department."

Email Hearne at hearne@kcconfidential.com

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Cracking down on late night liquor

Posted 5/28/09

Talk about blowing smoke…

It’s no secret the Kansas City Star has been a cheerleader for area bar and restaurant smoking bans – no secret whatsoever. That said, the paper of record has a civic duty to fairly and accurately report the news on Kansas City's currently contested smoking ban.

Which brings us to Friday’s Star story, “KC smoking ban goes to appeals court.”

Missing in action in the mind-numbingly, dumbed-down report: that attorney Jonathan Sternberg’s arguments that Kansas City’s anti smoking ordinance violates Missouri state law appears to have the city on the ropes. Further that the ordinance may be well on its way to being overturned this summer.

Herein lies the problem with the current ordinance - not to mention the Star’s reporting - that states “at issue is whether Kansas City’s prohibition against smoking in small bars and billiard parlors complies with state law.”

While that’s not inaccurate, state law is far more specific, Sternberg says.

“It says that all bars, all taverns, all billiard parlors, all bowling alleys and then restaurants that seat less than 50 people are permitted to allow smoking indoors under state law,” he corrects. “They are permitted not to maintain any non-smoking area at all, unlike any other public places in the state. So it’s not small bars, it’s any bar.”

Another factual error in the Star’s story: that Sternberg argued “Kansas City is not allowed under state law to regulate smoking in bars, billiard parlors and restaurants that seat fewer than 50 people”

Untrue, Sternberg says.

“They can regulate it but they can’t prohibit it,” he corrects. “But the regulation still must stay within the intent of the state law. I think Kansas City could legally make a smoking license, for example. Say, if you are a bar, you would have to purchase this license.”

While Sternberg declined to speculate on the outcome of the case, in the wake of last week’s oral arguments, “I will say I couldn’t imagine it having gone better,” he says.

No word from the city attorney representing supporters of the smoking ban.

Stay tuned.

Game Over

Hey it was fun while it lasted…

Last week’s scoop that AMC’s incredibly cool new Mainstreet Theatre downtown was serving food and booze until 5 a.m. landed with a dull thud on the ears of John Law. “It’s a violation of Missouri law – it’s a Class A misdemeanor,” says Joe Hodgin who heads the Missouri Division of Alcohol and Tobacco Control. “The maximum penalty is a year in jail, a $1,000 fine and revocation of their liquor license. It’s totally up to the prosecutor and the judge (but) I would say the more realistic thing is some type of suspension or fine.”

“Obviously it’s a violation of both city and state liquor codes,” echoes KC Liquor Control chief Gary Majors. “But I would say it’s not necessarily all that uncommon when someone first opens up. They don’t realize it’s their responsibility and we have to go down and tell them, you’re violating the law and you can’t do that.”

The post mortem on KC Confidential’s story:

“The Cordish representative told me they’d fired the manager,” Hodgin says. “They (also) denied it ever happened.”

That said Hodgin’s says the investigation into the wee hours liquor sales is ongoing.

As for why the manager was fired if there was no wrongdoing, “Didn’t ask, didn’t care,” Hodgin says. “Not my business.”

Whatever possessed said manager to allow liquor sales after 3 a.m. is another matter…

“I would have to say, that’s pretty stupid,” Hodgin says.

Have bust, will travel…

Since January, Kansas City Regulated Industries AKA Liquor Control: has been fanning out across the city going to local businesses that sell booze to make sure they are not selling alcohol to persons under the age of 21.

The game: Liquor Control sends18 to 20 year-olds with legal IDs in to buy booze. Should they succeed, the biz gets busted and justice is meted out.

"We use cops kids or kids related to office staff," says Liquor Control head Gary Majors. "And we don't allow the girls to wear makeup or provocative clothing, and we don't allow the males to have facial hair or for either of them to wear sunglasses or ball caps - we want them to look young. They use their own ID - some of them have 'minor' stamped on it - and any place with a liquor license we take 'em in to make a purchase. It could be a gas station, a convenience store, a package store, a grocery store of some type, a Wal-Mart, a bar or a restaurant."

The results are startling.

"Sixty percent of the time they'll get served," Majors says. "We've gone to 143 establishments since January and of the 143 attempts, we've had 85 actual buys."

Moral to the story: "The message is a couple things," Majors says. "First of all I think it's important for parents to know that just because the law says you have to be 21 to drink, parents who feel the law may be protecting them should know that it may not be. Secondly the holders of liquor licenses need to know there's a consequence to selling to minors"

How flagrant have the offenses been? Very, Majors says.

"Sometimes they get carded and someone will look at the ID and they serve 'em anyway.”

For more of Hearne check out kcconfidential.com or contact him at hearne@kcconfidential.com

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Late night dining options in
downtown KC

Posted 5/21/09

About that spanking new AMC Mainstreet Theatre downtown…

Its Marquee Bar & Grill is off to a rousing start providing food and adult beverages to the 21 and up set.

Ah, but there’s more…

“You know what’s ridiculous and hilarious?” says Casey Adams, owner of the downtown Japanese eatery Nara. “The new AMC Mainstreet got a 5 a.m. liquor license – I had no idea you could get that in this town. They can stay open until 5 a.m. - I don’t know how. I have bought a beer over there at 4:15 a.m. They serve food and booze until 5 a.m. and it’s good food. It’s a huge asset to downtown, I think. It’s great because there are so few late night dining options.”

While some Power & Light competitors may scoff – uh, Westport and the Plaza to name two – “if you want to have a viable downtown, a viable downtown means 24 hours,” Adams says. “I mean we want that – I want that. I live downtown and I’m just happy to have a (late night) eating option besides Town Topic.”

KC Royals Buck Night Disaster Epic, Take 2

Will the Kansas City Royals baseball team's Buck Night promotions this season ever have a happy ending?

Maybe next time...

The team's first Buck Night last month was a disaster of epic proportion; endless long lines at concession stands the entire game, a catastrophic shortage of roving beer vendors, no fireworks and hot dogs the size of my brain - as in, infinitesimally small.

After KC Confidential's reporting on the Buck Night nightmare, Royals spokesman Toby Cook went on 610 Sports Chris and Cowboy show and vowed it would not happen again.

Cook kept his word, testifies Lew's owner Andy Lewellen, who attended both games.

"Everything went good last night," Lewellen says. "The service was great. The hotdogs are back to their normal size- they're no longer the Sharpie dogs."

Lewellen likened last month's Buck Night dollar dogs to Sharpies since they were so much smaller than the $4 hotdogs the Royals normally sell. At past Buck Nights, fans got a $4 dog for a buck - that is until the team decided to save Buck Night bucks by substituting wee weenies.

"They really ramped it up last night," Lewellen continues. "They added concession stands for the dollar products that they offered, like the dollar hotdogs, the dollar peanuts and the dollar Cokes."

Unfortunately Saturday’s Buck Night was a disaster of a different sort. Mother Nature went mutha with a two hour-plus monsoon game delay.

The flip side of that coin: "At the end of the game they set hotdogs out on the condiment tables and told people to take 'em home for free," Lewellen says. "I think that was pretty nice of 'em. I mean, literally I could have taken home 100 hotdogs when I left. I think because of the rain delay they had like thousands of extra hotdogs. I would say the stadium was about 40 percent full and the game had been a sellout."

Another Buck Night Fix: "They set a limit of six hotdogs at a time," Lewellen says. "Because last time…they had people who bought as many as 40 last time."

The bottom line: "You know, this was like a soft test and they passed," Lewellen says. "We'll see what happens next time - that will be the test.”

Moo Cow versus WaterFire

The latest on artist Peregrine Honig’s Moo Cow sculpture…

“The Moo Cow is at 13th and Central now,” Honig says. “It’s sort of a refresh of the Avenue of the Arts.”

Moo Cow’s original mission: poke fun at Kansas City’s Cow Parade a handful of years back. “It’s weird now that there aren’t cows around,” Honig muses. “Because it doesn’t make fun of anything anymore.”

What Moo Cow does do: “It’s like a steel moo cow toy and when you turn it over, it moos,” Honig says. “And the text on the sculpture is based on the old Chinese toys, so like the English is not correct. And I had it painted to look like a toy - it’s all-weather - it’s seven years-old and still going strong.”

As for making fun of the vaunted Cow Parade, “It was like a dumbing down of the arts community,” Honig says. “And we just had started the Avenue of the Arts and here was this stupid, gentrified thing. It just felt condescending.”

Honig’s take on the latest local “dumbing down” of art, WaterFire Kansas City, the so-called “unique, multi-sensory experience of music, fire and water” and “moving art installation (that) features more than 50 floating bonfires on the Country Club Plaza’s Brush Creek”:

“You know, that stuff is pretty safe and art is about pushing envelopes,” Honig says. “I’m sure it’s a crowd-pleaser and I’m sure a lot of people like it.”

Waterfire goes down October 24th with a November 7th rain date.

Hearne on the street…

Jack Goes Confidential: KC Confidential movie dude Jack Poessiger has unleashed his 7 Deadly Movie Sins that leave him feeling violated when attending local theaters. A few highlights…

“Incessant texting and/or audible ring tones blaring throughout the movie. Come on people, contain yourself. Makes me want to make jam outta that Blackberry.

“The person who loves to put their feet on your seat or the seat next to you! This usually accompanies a rampage of fierce kicking on the back of the seat as well. No…I don’t mind your smelly dogs 5 inches from my face.

“Last minute freeloaders who go to promotional screenings and couldn’t find a babysitter. Why traumatize your infant child AND me? It’s just not worth it…stay home!

“That guy who talks through the entire movie. Dude, save it for later and SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!”

Contact Hearne at hearne@kcconfidential.com

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Gary Lezak pens a tribute to his dad

Posted 5/15/09

Minutes before KSHB TV weather wonk Gary Lezak – a dedicated doggie devotee – was slated to emcee Wayside Waifs annual Fur Ball at the Overland Park Convention Center Saturday he learned of his father Daniel’s death.

The day before Mother’s Day no less - still Lezak toughed it out and worked the ball…

He even paused to write a moving tribute to his dad before heading over to the ball and shot it to KC Confidential. It follows.

“My father”by Gary Lezak

“My dad just loved life and I am very fortunate to have had a special unique bond and relationship with my dad. My father was a very special man.

My dad was there every step of the way for me. He was certain I wouldn’t make it through my first year of college, and when I did get a 3.38 GPA my freshman year he framed the report card and gave it to me as a present. His paradise was Lake Tahoe and he took us on family vacations almost every year while I was in grade school, and he liked doing some strange things. He bought one of those inflatable boats and he would take Jeff, Scott, and me out with this little motor and end up, somehow at Emerald Bay. Ohhh there was one challenging time as we barely made it back due to the rough water. I was always a bit afraid in that thing. For my 12th birthday I asked him to take me to Big Bear Lake during the summer to see thunderstorms. I handed him a coupon book with five trips to see thunderstorms in it. And, sure enough one day when I told him the conditions were right he got me in the car and it was just me and him on this 3 hour ride to Big Bear. Clouds were building up, we pulled up to a restaurant to eat lunch as we watched the thunderstorm form, rain, and then we were on our way home 30 minutes later. In college I would call my dad after every OU Sooners basketball game and tell him how we won or lost. He would listen, and then say his signature line….”I gotta go” and the conversation would be over - but he was there. When he found out I had cancer 10 years ago, he just was devastated. Did you know he came to Kansas City by himself in 2002 for my three-year cancer free party? He was there again and again, every part of my life was shared with my dad and I will miss him sooooo much.

Daniel Lezak was really truly was a great man! And, I think he was just relaxing with all of this, if he could have just retired. All the way to the end he was working, but also enjoying it tremendously. I loved my father more than anyone will ever really know.”

Pet shop boy

The demise of neighborhood institution Waldo Pets will come to a sad conclusion Memorial Day weekend, owner Cheryl Snyder reports.

“The auction will be on Memorial Day,” Snyder says. “I don’t know what time yet, but it will be a 10 or 12 hour auction and by the time it’s over there won’t be anything left - they’re going to clear out everything.”

Gunned down by its lender, the family owned biz is Boot Hill bound after a 22 year run. Fittingly, the auctioneer’s name is Matt Dillon.

“I guess he’s got a great name,” Snyder says. “And he said Memorial Day’s a great day for auctions in this city.”

Does Dillon ride tall in the saddle like his Gunsmoke namesake? “No, he’s kind of short,” Snyder says. “But he’s a big boy.”

The auction’s piece de resistance:

“A commercial fish system that we never did get up and running,” Snyder says. “It’s worth 70 grand brand new.”

Hearne on the street…

Mission Hills housing controversy: Check out upscale new ‘zine The Hills for my story about an ongoing controversy on homes too large for their lots and too suburban-looking for Mission Hills old-money denizens.

One update: while Mission Hills brass were uncertain as to the state of the historic Kauffman Mansion, I can now report it is indeed occupied. That courtesy of owner Julia Irene Kauffman’s daughter Lauren LaPointe.

“It’s finished, yeah,” LaPointe says. “Although my mom’s doing a little redecorating.”

Swap and shop: The latest on controversial Merriam councilman Dan Leap: he’s on the prowl again - this time via a mint condition Plymouth Prowler he bought in Oklahoma.

“You know what’s funny?” Leap says. “The down payment was a Guitar Lamp, a blue Fender Stratocaster.”

Leap’s Merriam-based Guitar Lamp biz has exploded in recent years with coverage by HGTV and celebs like rocker Ted Nugent and Patty Hearst’s daughter on the ownership plan.

Leap’s plan for the Prowler?

“I’m going to drive it and park it in the garage next to the DeLorean,” he says.

For more of Hearne check out kcconfidential.com

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Sandstone goes green
without raping the public

Posted 5/8/09

If you liked the “greening” of Sandstone last year, you’re going to love it this year…

Such was the case Saturday night when 9,000 fans that flocked there to watch The Killers rock the sold out, earth-friendly venue for its summer 2009 sendoff show.

“We have 13 events here this year counting the Great American Barbecue Memorial Day weekend,” says promoter Chris Fritz. “And we’ve got Chris’s Dream Concert – it’s all tribute bands. We have five acts doing Led Zeppelin, Guns N Roses, the Eagles, U2 and Bon Jovi. You know, last year we did it with four bands and had 5,000 people out here. This year we’re expecting 15,000, the show was so much fun. And we’re going to have a lot of participating sponsors, where you can go to their business and pick up a free ticket, or just go buy one; it’s well worth the 20 bucks. It’s like a party – I mean last year it was mind blowing – 15 minutes in and it was like you were watching the real thing. This isn’t like watching some kind of tribute bar band because it’s presented on such a large scale.”

In addition to the Capitol Federal Park at Sandstone’s recycling efforts, the area in front of the stage has been opened up resulting in a reduction in seating from around 7,000 to 4,300.

Net result: an attitude adjustment of monumental proportion.

“Watch the people here,” Fritz says. “Remember how we used to have it segregated? ‘Where are you going? Get over here!’ Now it’s the free-est form place in the city, you can walk around anywhere and nobody will (mess) with you. And look how pretty the lawn is, it’s like a country club. Our goal is to make money but we’re going against the norm; we’re not raping the public. If you want free water, you can get it and it’s prime H20 from A.B. May. Somebody the other day said, ‘Going green, what does it cost you every year?’ A minimum of $100,000, but recycling is the key to everything right now.”

SELLOUTS HAPPEN

Speaking of this summer’s concert season…

It kicked off in style Saturday with a trio of sold out outdoor shows - The Killers at Sandstone, Cake at the Crossroads and Cross Canadian Ragweed at the Beaumont Club in Westport's new Backyard.

"It was a great night for Kansas City, I'm so happy," says promoter Jeff Fortier. "Three Kansas City venues - all locally owned - sold out and that says a lot for this summer. That doesn't mean there won't be some conflicts this summer but... It's exciting and it's good for the community."

MATT CASSEL REDUX

A Loch Lloyd Country Club waiter who blogged about new Chiefs QB Matt Cassel and wife Lauren Killian's 9-beer dinner, their massive mansion and Cassel handcuffing his wife to their bed, yanked the post after KC Confidential got wind of it.

Too late however as it appears the club kicked the wordy waiter to the curb. Country clubbers don't cotton to the hired help airing their private affairs.

The latest: the waiter who blogs as Chiefs Swagger posted an "Apology to Matt" as excerpted below.

"Recently I blogged about my experience as your waiter at Loch Lloyd Country Club - name's Andy, we shook hands at the bar - and in turn was utterly shocked at the response I got. I'm not saying the response was bad at all, most was positive, I'm just saying some thought I may have stepped on your toes a little bit…By no means did I mean any harm to your or your wife's reputations…I'm no longer at Loch Lloyd, but I would definitely recommend the signature beer cheese soup… (And) I think I speak for all Chiefs fans when I say let's play some good football here in KC, and let's bring a championship home.”

IF THE BOOT FITS…

The latest drinking game to hit town: Das Boot...

"It's in the movie Beerfest, that's a big cult movie," says Andy Lewellen, co-owner of Lew's in Waldo. "And it holds 102 ounces of beer."

In a nutshell the object of the game is to pass the boot around the table with each person taking a sip until the last person finishes it off, forcing the person before them at the table to either buy a round of drinks and/or refill the boot.

One caveat: "You have to drink it a certain way or it will splash all over you," Lewellen says. "Like if you raise the boot and the toe is pointed upward, an air bubble forms in the toe and forces the beer out all over you. That's kind of the novelty of the game; that if your friend doesn't know how to drink it, the beer spills all over him."

Das Boot has only been in town a couple weeks but its rep is spreading fast.
"Like we sell 20 to 25 boots a night," Lewellen says. "We actually have people call up and say they want to reserve a boot because we only have eight if 'em. We have an order in for another 10 of ‘em.”

CANCEL THE AL GORE MOMENT

No donuts, no recounts, no tenants - oh and no tourism...

That pretty much sums up the state of controversial Merriam councilman Dan Leap narrow, 25-vote loss on a bid to become mayor. Had just 13 of those 25 people leapt for Leap he'd be Merriam's new mayor now.

Question is does Leap intend to get along with police chief turned new mayor Ken Sissom?

"Well you know, as long as he doesn't tell any more lies like he did in his campaign literature," Leap says. "As long as he doesn't lie to the council, we'll get along OK."

Is Sissom's an OK enough guy that Leap might even have a cold one with him?

"Well, as you know I don't drink, so I would not have a beer with him," Leap says. "But even if I did, I wouldn't have a beer with him - I wouldn't have a donut with him either."

Moving right along...

Has Leap learned if the ghost mall known as Merriam Village has signed its first tenant yet? "Negative," he says.

And how bout that ritzy new Merriam tourism center along Shawnee Mission Parkway...

"It's not open on Friday, Saturday or Sunday which makes absolutely no sense," Leap says. "Because if people are going to travel, those are the days they'll be traveling. So we need to change that. At least it's already paid for, so we need to utilize it."

For the unenlightened who might wonder as to Merriam even needing a tourism center, the plan is to steer sightseers exactly where?

"You got me, I don't know," Leap says. "There is a deal set up to do group tours for KC Strings, my place, Russell Stover and a couple other places.”

Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com

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Weiners at buck night don't measure up

Posted 5/1/09

Will a water fight break out when the Power & Light District's new rooftop swim club opens next month?

The 20,000 square foot swimming hole atop Cosentino's Downtown Market is slated to open Memorial Day weekend. Complete with sand volleyball, sunbathing deck, lounge and cabana seating and two bars.

Insiders say the complex will be called The Jones – after the old Jones Store that stood at 12th and Main for decades – and summer memberships will be sold in addition to daily cover charges.

Sound familiar?

For several summer's Woodside Health & Tennis Club in Westwood, Kansas has hosted the hottest beach party scene going, with cabana-renting Chiefs players like Larry Johnson adding to the Saturday afternoon glam.

Woodside manager David Freeland says he isn’t worried about The Jones.

“From what I understand it’s just one pool and is going after a younger rock, party-type crowd which is not at all what we’re about,” he says. “And the one pool bothers me - we used to have one pool too, and we had to expand because we didn’t have enough pools.”

Woodside did away with its summer memberships two years back because “it got too busy, we got too filled,” Freeland says. “They’ll probably just pack ‘em in…”

What's more “on top of a building, boy, it’s going to be hotter than heck,” Freeland says. “I’ll be curious after a month what happens.”

By the way, new Woodside members include new Chiefs GM Scott Pioli’s wife Dallas and head coach Todd Haley’s wife Christine.

The $64 million question: will thong swimsuits be the P&L District's next big dress code controversy?

The Buck Night stops here

When it comes to wiener dogs, size matters...

Royals fan and Waldo resident Andy Lewellen learned that and more at last weekend’s Kansas City Royals "Buck Night" promotion.

"I've never seen anything like it," Lewellen laments. "The concession lines were 10 to 12 people deep all the way through the entire game - it was like the staff was under-trained. And they had hardly any beer vendors. I had to like walk five or six sections down to get to one and everybody else was doing the same thing, so they would always sell out right away. And by the 5th inning there weren't any beer vendors walking the aisles - zero. They must have run out of bottled beer because they still had vendors for water, peanuts, popcorn and Gatorade all the way through the 9th inning."

Given "Buck Night" is a major draw, with the Royals were in 1st place, star pitcher Zack Greinke on the mound, fireworks on tap and picture perfect weather and the Royals should have known fans would turn out in droves, Lewellen says.

"They were not prepared for this crowd but they should have been."

Which brings us to the dollar dogs...

"It used to be that the hot dogs they sold on Buck Night for $1 were the same as the regular hot dogs, but these hot dogs were smaller," Lewellen says. "They used the same bun, but the hot dog inside was about the diameter of a Sharpie, and it tasted terrible. Believe me, it was the worst hot dog I've had in my entire life and I've had hot dogs from the school cafeteria and everything. And normally those are terrible, but they were gourmet by comparison to the ones at Buck Night - I'm not exaggerating."

One possible solution: "You know, maybe it should be Two Buck Night," Lewellen says. "That would still be a great deal. But I would not serve one of these hot dogs to my kids, I'll tell you that.

"The kicker was at the end of the game they didn't do the fireworks display," Lewellen says. "Because they said the Kansas City Fire Department said the winds were too high. But what sucked about it was the whole experience."

Sheehan bashes O’Reilly, Bush at KKFI 90.1 FM blowout

Anti war activist Cindy Sheehan took on just about every sacred political cow going Sunday at the Uptown Theater.

Sheehan was here to help the local community radio station and promoter her new online book, Myth America: 10 Greatest Myths of the Robber Class and the Case for Revolution.

Sheehan’s goal: Build grass roots communities less dependent on government, more dependent on one another and "not really counting on the Robber Class," she says. "There are two classes in American today - the Robber Class and the Robbed Class."

That said, Sheehan did not attend any of the recent Tax Day Tea Parties because while they “started out good” they “got co-opted by Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck" of Fox News," she says.

The flip side of Sheehan’s rancor for Fox and former President Bush: She’s no fan of President Obama, either.

"I think he's doing exactly what I expected him to do," she says. "A very slow - even slower now - withdrawal from Iraq and sending more troops to Afghanistan and protecting George Bush from prosecution just like Nancy Pelosi did…I knew (what he would do) all along. Obama is a member of the Robber Class."

Hearne on the street…

Going, going: One of KC's most esteemed and historic eateries, the vaunted Savoy Grill downtown, will shut down for an entire year, says longtime manager Ron Garris.

"The new owner told us that (the restaurant) will be virtually untouched," Garris says, Vastly improved, restored and brought up to code, but otherwise unaltered.

Garris expects the Savoy to close "for restoration” sometime this year.

Belated April Fools: In yet another attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of local media – albeit for a good cause – the friendly folks at PETA put out a media alert claiming “NUDE PETA BEAUTIES” would shower last week on the sidewalk by the Nichols Fountain on the Plaza to “expose meat’s devastating impact on the planet.”

PETA had at least three takers, KMBZ 980 AM’s Bill Grady, a trio of Kansas City Police cars and irascible Internet inquirer Tony Botello of Tony’s Kansas City.com. However Botello didn't merely show up, he conducted a behind-the shower-curtain investigation of sorts.

“I just kind skulked around taking random photos,” Tony says. “When I finished talking to the showering duo about their motivations I simply walked behind them, lifted my camera in the air and snapped a photo."

Revealing: the ladies were not in fact nude but had undies on.

The bottom line: "The scripted nature wasn't as sexy as what they promised," Tony says. "Still, I've had worse Fridays than simply watching wet political broads.”

Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com

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Holly Starr does Vegas,
fully clothed of course

Posted 4/24/09

The latest on 38 The Spot hostess with the most-ess Holly Starr…

“I am the face of Vegas TV,” Starr says. “It’s actually the No. 1 television station in Las Vegas. I’m not on there yet, but I’ll be all over it (this) week.”

Starr will do what she does here for KTUD Channel 25.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what it is,” she says. “And they do a ton of charity stuff, so I’ll be flying out for a lot of events. Like for Marilyn Monroe’s birthday they’ll dress me up like Marilyn and like have me on all day as Marilyn, giving Marilyn Monroe facts and probably interviewing people about her. “

The station flew Starr out two weeks ago to get the ball rolling.

“This time I did stuff for Cinco de Mayo, Mother’s Day and Earth Day,” she says.

Starr's resume includes working as a smoking hot model, her six-figure income day job in medical sales, working with the Chiefs even a stint as body double for actress Kim Basinger.

And let the record show Starr’s never said so much as uttered a single cuss word, posed topless and turned down Playboy.

She has been seen about town with Chiefs QB Tyler Thigpen.

Hearne on the street…

***Hottest new video game in town: would you believe Guitar Hero? The game may be ubiquitous on the home front, but the local bar and restaurant scene is a different story.

“We were the first ones here to get it three weeks ago,” says Lew’s in Waldo owner Andy Lewellen. “We saw it in Las Vegas at a trade show – it was a prototype – and we ordered it as soon as we got back. It’s the hottest game we’ve ever had.”

To the tune of 350 plays a week at a buck per play.

“The first night we got it our bartender sent out a text message to the 400 people on his text messaging list and we had 45 people that came in that night to play it,” Lewellen says.
Now the rush is on...

“Everybody around town is trying to get the game now, but it’s hard to get,” Lewellen says. “It costs like 10 grand and a lot of amusement companies don’t want to get it because it’s so expensive.”

*** Real Time KC style: How harsh was Bill Maher’s show at the new, improved Midland? Very. That's how former Star scribe Brian McTavish laid it straight down at kcconfidential.com.

“A brief overview of topics covered in the party atmosphere," McTavish writes. "Sex and drugs are good. God and religion are a lie. President George W. Bush was an idiot. President Barack Obama is cool. Democrats are reflective. Republicans are rednecks. Spot a theme here?”

A few of Maher’s printable outtakes:

*** “On the bad economy: “How many miss the days when we were just morally bankrupt?”

*** On jailed fortune-absconder Bernie Madoff: “That was the worst pyramid scheme from the Jews since the pyramids.”

*** On Fox News: “Jesus hung out with lepers and hookers. I think he would have drawn the line at Glenn Beck.”

***Fantasy bling alert: There was plenty of ogling going on at the Tiffany & Co. table during the Royals recent kickoff luncheon. Specifically where center fielder Coco Crisp’s ring finger was concerned. “He wasn’t wearing his World Series ring from the Red Sox, he was wearing his fantasy football league championship ring,” says PR dude Will Gregory. “It was about the size of a World Series or Super Bowl ring though. I said (to him), ‘You must be in a different fantasy football league than I am, cause all we get is 50 bucks.”

Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com

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Waiter shares story of Matt Cassel & wife

Posted 4/17/09

Not since the days of Joe and Jennifer Montana has Kansas City coursed with the sports concupiscence Chiefs QB-to-be Matt Cassel and wife Lauren Killian now exude.

Back then, Joe and Jennifer pretty much only had to put up with me - not the legion of cell phone cam toting bloggers that dot today’s landscape.

Take this posting last weekend by Chiefs Swagger
(http://www.sbnation.com/users/Chiefs_swagger).

The headline: “Matt Cassel and his beautiful wife.”

The posting was ostensibly made by a waiter at Loch Lloyd Country Club where Cassel is occupying a possibly 7,000 square foot castle. It was stumbled upon by Chiefs fan Joe Lewellen who passed it along before the post was yanked. Check it.

"Around 7:30 Friday night I looked over and had the pleasure of seeing Matt Cassel and his wife enter Loch Lloyd Country Club. Of course the pleasure part was seeing his wife for the first time. She is 5'10, thin and gorgeous. My guess is she grew up with brothers, she has that deeper but still girly voice. She could hang out with the guys easily. She didn't seem to fit in with the member's wives real well in my opinion. Which may have been because she was so much younger than those she was hanging out with. Surprisingly enough she had five Sam Adams Lagers along with a Spanish Sausage entree.

"I overheard her talking about their (house) and how she doesn't know what to do with all the space. I also overheard Matt talking about how he's had to handcuff her to the bed numerous times...... Huh? Unfortunately he said that because apparently she can't sleep, and continues to work on the house or something. I know I got excited too!

"So as the night went on other members took pictures with him, as well as some kids - Which he seemed totally cool with. He was very level headed throughout the entire night as people were introducing themselves right and left. Matt polished off three Guinness drafts, and one glass of Saison. (Boulevard Smokestack beer) That's one beer shy of his wife! I guess he's behaving, which is good. I myself was surprised he was drinking at all, probably because I no longer drink.

"Typically I will recommend our New England Clam chowder on Friday nights to everyone since it is so delicious. But for some reason I couldn't get myself to do so to Matt. He enjoyed our Halibut entree without the potato, must not be on his diet. Not to mention he drank 10 or more glasses of water and only (used the restroom) twice! I know that's sad on my part, but servers realize everything going on, or at least I do.

"They left around 11:23 or 11:24 without saying thank you, but that's okay. For some reason as a server you expect that, I don't know why.

"Finally, I was not impressed or unimpressed. He seems like just the guy we thought he would be - Very even keel and level headed; mellow and easily approachable (I just hope that's not the case for incoming pass rushers).

"Also, approximately ten or fifteen minutes before Matt arrived at the club, Herm (Edwards) came in and picked up his to go order of spicy pasta and grilled cheese without the crust. I wonder if this encounter would have had a handshake involved?

"Oh yeah and this was the highlight of the night; one member actually came to me and said, "Well no wonder Matt Cassel's here, because Herm's here."

After word reached the blogger I was interested, the post disappeared.

"Probably best for his sake it is down, he exposed himself pretty handily,” Lewellen says. “Anyhow, that waiter's account was pretty interesting providing that he described everything in detail to the exact drink order and what they ate and what Herm Edwards picked up for carryout."

So is Cassel living the sweet life on Loch Lloyd's "Street of Dreams"?

Sources say that indeed he is, and Edwards also resides in the upscale, gated community. However Loch Lloyd homeowners association president Terry Reardon would neither confirm nor deny their presence.

Reardon did however note that unlike most other quote/unquote “gated communities,” Loch Lloyd offers the 24/7 security celebs like Cassel and Edwards might require. What’s more, golf great Tom Watson has newly begun a redesign on nine of the development’s 18 hole golf course, and is adding on nine more - for a total of 27 holes - which will be accompanied by another 225 homes.

The $64 million question: will Cassel and his 27 year-old volleyball star/hottie wife become the talk of the town? Bank on it if the Chiefs offensive line holds up.

Peace, love and happiness alert

Word that longtime local radio bad boy Randy Miller may resurface on WGN Radio 720 in Chicago from 9 a.m. to noon raises the prospect that Miller could find himself in a life-or-death ratings struggle with his former assistant Erich Mancow Muller. Muller knocked off former KMBZ 980 host Jerry Agar and broadcasts on legendary Chicago signal WLS 890 AM.

Did I mention that there has been no shortage of bad blood between the two over the years?

“Randy Miller was the most miserable human being that I’ve ever dealt with in my life, period,” Mancow says. “I never met anybody meaner or more self-absorbed than Randy Miller – but this may be a new Randy Miller. Randy and I buried the hatchet a long time ago. He claims that he found God and is a different person, and I hope that’s true.”

Hearne on the street…

Hold the pine: Word that Kansas City First Lady Gloria Squitiro has decreed that when she and the Funk--that would be KC mayor Mark Funkhouser --pass on, her kids will be charged with hand-making plain old "pine box" coffins for their parents, raises an interesting point to Charter Funerals manager Bridget Anaya.

"You know, people always say, 'Oh put me in a plain pine box,' - but it's wood, you know - and that's not cheap," Anaya says. "I think what they mean is put me in the cheapest thing you've got, when they say that."

However, even at a discount funeral biz like Charter, a plain pine coffin goes for approximately $2,000. Wanna check out on the cheap? A standard fiberboard or wood composite coffin can be had to $695, Anaya says.

Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com

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THE STAR'S FALL; THE RISE OF HALTER TOPS

Posted 4/10/09

The editor doth protest too much, methinks…

Monday’s reconstituted Kansas City Star felt beefier to my unscientific hands. Odds of that being accidental: slim meets none.

Especially when one factors in the 30-plus inch, sports prose alibi editor Mike Fannin served up explaining away the paper's content cutting, ostensibly as because it wants to share in the city’s pain.

Fannin’s front page ramble harkened back to the newspaper’s history, dissed other local print competitors and bragged of being the biggest local news kid on the block.

“With a global economic recession pounding the markets this year, we all find ourselves adapting to a tough new environment,” he commiserated. “As the city goes, so goes its newspaper.”

Hold it right there…

There’s no shortage of truth in those statements, but that only begins to explain the source of the Star’s current state of extreme pain and suffering.

The trouble with Fannin’s equivocal exercise in excuse making is it only touches on one of three main difficulties facing the Star.

It’s not just the economy, stupid – would that it were. It’s that along with the nationwide free fall of the daily newspaper industry in the face of increasing competition from the Web and plummeting ad revenues.

Add to that, that a relatively tiny company, McClatchy, leveraged itself at exactly the wrong time in buying gigundo former Star owner Knight Ridder three years back.

“That sale -- at 9.5 times KR's 2005 cash flow -- marked the beginning of the end for public newspaper companies,” writes Bruce Sherman of SeekingAlpha.com. “Knight Ridder -- the second-largest newspaper company in the US, with plum properties across the country -- could only find one bidder, McClatchy. McClatchy CEO Gary Pruitt then quickly turned around and sold off a dozen papers…but still rues the day he made the KR buy.”

Loosely translated, the Star’s difficulties far exceed the mere mirroring of any local economic downturn. With ad revenues reportedly down 40 percent in January and 30 percent in February from year ago levels, and its profits-draining, fancy-schmancy new $200 million print plant up for sale, times are well beyond tough.

That brings us to OpEdNews.com’s story, “Fleeing Journalism An Act Of Liberation” by former newspaper editor Thomas Bonsell. Bonsell touches on Star parent McClathy’s “massive layoffs,” credit issues and the discontinuance of stock dividends and matching employee’s retirement contributions as presiding “over the financial collapse of the chain.”
So sure, the Kansas City area like other metroplexes is taking it on the economic chin now, and likely will be back. The jury remains out however on the future of the daily newspaper industry and the Star.

Royals Preparing to Unleash Halter Tops

To commemorate its 40th anniversary the Kansas City Royals are poised to revive one of the team's most popular - albeit infamous - promotions ever, Halter Top Day.

Think of it as a return to those heady, PG13 days of the ‘70s and ‘80s when Royal blue halter-tops were distributed to ticket-toting female fans. Hey and they were a dude magnets too!

At some point in time though, Halter Top Day went away - too tacky, too tired - whatever. Which brings us to this season's “retro nights” celebrating the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s.

"It's not guaranteed, but the marketing department is asking fans to vote on their favorite promotions of all time and it would be a surprise to everyone if halter tops didn't top the list or be in the top five, says Royals spokesman Toby Cook. “I’ve seen the prototype.”

That said, popular as it was, Halter Top Day was always a bit over the, uh, top.

"They were infamous," Cook muses. "The other infamous thing with the Halter Top Days was the young ladies would go ahead and change into them, especially in the right and left field GA sections - which was not lost on some of the ball players."

Kansas Citian Marti Dolinar remembers it all too well.

"Great idea, bad decision,” he quips. “You know, nothing good is going to come out of Halter Top day...”

But count Dolinar in on being at the K for the big day. "Nobody likes a train wreck better than I like a train wreck," he cracks.

PR dude Will Gregory's take on bringing back HTD: "I'm all for it, but I'm curious who is going to sponsor it, and the logo placement for the sponsorship is going to be key."

Birdies Panties owner Peregrine Honig wonders if HT Day will fly in 2009 because "People are really nervous about anything showing nowadays," she says. "The standard American bra today is so structured…you can't see anything."

This isn’t the first time the Royals contemplated bringing Halter Top Day back.

"I hear about this so often it's unbelievable," then Royals PR czar Mike Levy told me in a 1998 column. "Let's put it this way, certain promotions at one time were politically correct and now they're not...I guess the best you could say about it is we always have it under consideration, because each year it continues to resurface in our marketing session."

Then there was the issue of tit-for-tat, Levy said.

"If we did 'Halter Top Day' some women would want to have 'Speedo Day.’ And that's just not going to happen."

Hearne on the street...

This just in: In the world of double whammies on Monday, came not only word that the Star was inducing further cutbacks, but subscribers - like me - got a letter in the mail from the newspaper's circulation department telling them of a 15 percent rate hike would become effective May 1st. Star editor Mike Fannin boasted Monday of daily circulation numbers of 235,000 and 340,000 on Sunday, but failed to note that those numbers were down in recent years from around 275,000 and 390,000 respectively. That despite circulation-saving deals to feed free Sunday Stars to subscribers of the Independence Examiner and Olathe News.

Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com

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FAMOUS SONS, FAMOUS FATHERS

Posted 4/3/09

A pact between famous sons with famous fathers…?

That’s pretty much what went down when Craig Glazer, son of two-time Kansas City mayoral candidate Stan Glazer, made a deal with Eric Eisner, son of ex Walt Disney honcho Michael Eisner.

No less than the Hollywood Reporter knocked out a front page story about the Stanford & Sons comedy club main man granting Eisner movie rights to Glazer's life-of-crime, true story, page-turner "The King of Sting."

"Eric Eisner locks up 'King of Sting,' " the Reporter headline blared. "Project centers on real-life con man Craig Glazer.”

The Reporter described Glazer’s book as having “echoes of 'Catch Me If You Can.' The project centers on Craig Glazer, a colorful criminal who crisscrossed the U.S. for decades posing as an undercover cop and conducting drug stings, pocketing the money and drugs netted from his illegal operations.”

Let the record show the criminal activity in the book took place in Glazer’s younger years, starting with his freshman year at Arizona State University in the 1970s.

“Glazer and partner Don Woodbeck were so successful in their faux stings that they were hired by the Kansas attorney general,” the Reporter continues. “Their exploits ended abruptly when Woodbeck was killed in an attempt to land a final score. ‘When you read the story, you almost can't believe the stuff they were able to pull,’ " Eisner tells the Reporter.

How the deal went down?

“I think the coolest thing about it was Eisner called me and said, ‘I’ve read your book and I really want to do this,’” Glazer says. “‘I know you’ve had other offers, but to show you how much I want to do this (movie), I’ll fly to Kansas City tomorrow.’ And he did, he came in the next day.

“We spent about two or three hours going over what his vision of the movie was, and I told him the key to me was I wanted to co-produce the movie, which is not often done.”
As a sidebar to the story, Glazer and Eisner had lunch that afternoon with at the Capital Grill on the Plaza.

“We met my dad, who’s kind of the villain in the book,” Glazer says. “And the funniest thing is that Stan said, ‘Craig’s got a great story, but if you want something with more of a global tapestry, I’ve got a story for you.’ Then Stan went into this 20-minute story about the background of his father and family – you know, like his version of the Jewish Godfather. Then Eric said, ‘Well Stan, let’s do this movie first.’”

When Eisner later saw Stan flirting with a pair of Capital Grill hotties, “He went, ‘Man, you guys are right out of Central Casting. Is your dad really like this?’ And I said, ‘Yes he is.’ And Eric said, ‘You guys should have your own reality show – you can’t write this stuff.’”

The King of Sting may or may not make it to a theater or DVD rental near you, but should it, who might do the honors of playing Glazer?

“The short list of actors we discussed included Casey Affleck, Ryan Gosling and Shia LaBeouf,” Glazer says. “But the guy I like that nobody else seems to get is Justin Long, the Apple Computer guy on the TV commercials. He kind of looks like a young me.”

Pet Cemetery

The saddest thing imaginable is about to happen in Waldo…

Hey and don’t ask where Waldo is either, if you haven’t been yet, it’s the new clean cut Westport for 20-somethings to 50-somethings.

But smack in the middle of Waldo’s renaissance, a neighborhood institution – Waldo Pets – is poised take a dirt nap.

“We’ve owned it 22 years,” says co-owner Cheryl Snyder.

The underlying reason for the closing: “The economy, we’ve been trying to save the place for a long time,” Snyder says. “The lender foreclosed on us February 26th. As my son puts it, 22 years gone in 45 seconds. It’s really sad. We lost all our inheritance – you know, we borrowed money from our parents. We’ve lost our insurance. We refinanced our lake home to help the business – we lost that. We have nothing else left to give.”

Can anything be done to save Waldo Pets?

“A Miracle, but you know we don’t have anything else because we can’t afford to lose our home,” Snyder says. “My husband and son went and got second jobs so we don’t lose our houses, because that’s the next thing they were threatening.”

Her take on the Obama stimulus package: “It’s sad when they want to help the big guys and they don’t want to help the little guys.”

Still parting is indeed sweet sorrow…

“Our customers have been so supportive, so upset,” Snyder says. “A little boy came in the other day and said, ‘Will you take down that sign?’ – the going out of business sign. He’s four years old; he’s my little buddy. We have customers coming in crying. I don’t know if I can cry any more.”

Waldo Pets going away message:

“I’ll tell you, we’re going to miss everybody – we can’t thank them enough,” Snyder says. “They’ve just become our family – you know when you’re here 12 to 20 hours a day, they become your family. And I know for sure that I will not be able to drive down Wornall probably ever again.”

Hearne on the street…

Undies alert: This just in from acclaimed KC artist Peregrine Honig, who just happens to co-own birdies panties in the Crossroads Art District downtown.

"Hey, guess who joined our Panty of the Month Club?" Honig asks. "Katy Perry. Her New York stylist found out we carry Marlies Dekkers and Katy Perry was doing a photo shoot at the Folly for Complex magazine."

Perry performed last week for a sold out crowd at Westport’s vastly improved Beaumont Club.

FYI, for $300 a year, you get a pair of panties per month in birdies club. In Perry's case they will arrive in size small-medium.

For more Hearne check out kcconfidential.com or email to hearne@kcconfidential.com

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HANDSOME HARLEY
RACE SPEAKS OUT

Posted 3/26/09

The sad situation involving former pro wrestler Verne Gagne body slamming a 96 year-old fellow memory care patient who later died in Minnesota takes eight-time world heavyweight champ Harley Race back to his kinder, if not gentler days...

I was up there wrestling for almost five years from the latter part of 1963 through 1969, and I was always wrestling Gagne," Race says.

What the now-senior citizen was like in those wild and wooly days?

"Verne was more of a person that was inclusive just within Gagne," Race says. "He never was much of a partier that I knew of."

One signature Gagne wrestling move was "the sleeper." Did he ever slap one on Race?

"No," Harley says. "I never let myself get in that position."

Even though Gagne was wrestling a super star?

"So was I," Race quips. "But just wrestling Verne during that period of time was grinding. He was on you constantly. He probably had - and this is no exaggeration - 20 different ways he could pin you. Probably his smoothest move was the inside cradle."

Race has a theory as to why Gagne slammed the nanogenarian.

"Oh, I think it was sad as all hell, two older guys caught up in stuff neither one of them could help," Race says. "And Gagne reverted back to his wrestling. Any time you're physically provoked, that's your inner core - it's something you're never going to forget - it comes back to you automatically."

Race got an email from Gagne's son, saying his father was moved to "a more secure place."

And word on the street is Gagne was provoked by the 96 year-old, Race says.

"That guy was kind of a bully type and he tried to bully people around him," Race says. "And Verne was taking up for not only himself, but also for the other people there. I have nothing derogatory to say about Verne Gagne and I never have - he's always been a very class act."

With perhaps one tongue-in-cheek exception.

"I saw him coming out of the bathroom in Waterloo, Iowa three or four years ago," Race says. "And he stopped and pointed at me and said, 'Not so handsome Harley Race.'"

Kansas City insurance executive Jim Koenigsdorf - a former amateur wrestler - partied with Gagne a handful of years back and attests to his physical abilities. “He could have kicked my (butt) then," Koenigsdorf says.

KC St. Patrick's 2009: Were safety, parking sacrificed for savings?

The switch from downtown Kansas City to midtown by Kansas City’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade was hailed by some as being family friendly with a nod towards Kansas City’s Irish community.

Horse hockey, says former parade organizer Mary Nestel – who now heads up Martin City’s St. Patrick’s Parade & Irishpalooza. It was about saving money.

“That’s why they moved it, they didn’t want to have to pay for those barricades,” Nestel says.

Lining Grand with barricades can run upwards of $25,000. With a “first class” parade costing $50,000 to $60,000 to produce and as high as $70,000 to $80,000, that’s a significant savings, Nestel says.

And why were organizers not required to install barricades in midtown like downtown?

“That’s a good question,” Nestel says. “I would think it’s a safety issue no matter where they went. Yes, I know it’s a financial burden, but it’s a safety issue and everybody should be required to do it. They still had a block of barricades from Westport Road to the old fire station, but…”

The $64 million question: which location is best, downtown or midtown?

“Well, personally I think the best place for any parade is where the neighborhood and merchants will support it because parades are not money makers, they’re money losers,” Nestel says.

Since downtown merchants weren’t particularly supportive of the parade, “they were smart to take it where people wanted it and would help support it,” Nestel adds.

That said, the excellent weather combined with poor planning created a logistical nightmare of sorts for many attendees.

“The traffic problems were way worse than downtown,” Nestel says. “Downtown has a lot more streets and parking, but everybody knew that from the beginning. And they didn’t have enough busses. The real difference is in midtown you’re going into residential areas on both sides of the street and in downtown you’re in a commercial area. I mean, I was almost late getting to the parade and I had to drive the balloon, so I was number 27 out of about 90 entries. The parking issues in Westport and midtown were a lot harder – I saw people pushing strollers all the way from Southwest Traffic way by the Record Bar.”

Next up: it’s back to the drawing board.

“Now they have 12 months to work on it,” Nestel says.

Star Bright?

Times are beyond tough for daily newspapers, including our Kansas City Star which fed pink slips and/or salary and benefit cuts last week to dozens of the newsroom’s finest.

The actual moves went unreported by the paper – which routinely airs other businesses’ dirty laundry (including that of competing local news media) – so let’s recap.

High points (or low) of the layoffs include City Hall reporter DeAnn Smith (KC mayor Mark Funkhouser and wife Gloria’s self-appointed personal nightmare), highly-regarded business reporter Rick Alm and book editor John Mark Eberhart.

Local section columnists Steve Penn and Mike Hendricks were forced to choke down 33 percent pay, vacation and benefit cuts or else walk the six-months farewell-paycheck plank. Hendricks lost it and went off on Facebook, bagging on the Star and asking “friends” for job leads.

In one of its most daring layoff gambles, FYI forced theater critic Robert Trussell, movie critic Robert Butler and art critic Alice Thorson to take 25 percent pay cuts and loss of benefits or hit the road.

Think about it…

Had the three not succumbed to the lesser-of-evils and stayed, the Sunday A&E section might have been decimated. That on the heels of classical music and dance critic Paul Horsely’s excommunication last year, along with the loss of my highly read column that was hyped on A&E’s front page.

Things have calmed at 18th and Grand now that the waiting to see who takes a bullet next is over…for now.

The sad reality is it’s probably not over for good. Barring a miracle, there will be more layoffs down the line and some sections and/or features will either go away, shift to online and/or merge into a single section as is rumored.

Stay tuned…

AND TUNE INTO KANSAS CITY CONFIDENTIAL AT KCCONFIDENTIAL.COM FOR MORE STORIES OR EMAIL TO HEARNE@KCCONFIDENTIAL.COM

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KEEPING AN EYE ON THE KU AD

Posted 3/20/09

There’s no War of the Roses going down here, honest…

Some Mission Hills residents are confused by the upscale hood’s city council races pitting longtime area civic leader / philanthropist Barbara Nelson against what appears to be her well-known husband, Bill Nelson.

The election goes down in April.

“I can’t tell you how many calls we’ve gotten,” Barbara says. “They all say, ‘Are you guys running against each other for the council?’ or ‘I’d like to put your sign in my yard, but shouldn’t I put one in for your husband, too?’ It’s funny. People think we’re ready for the divorce courts or something, but there’s no family feud.”

Here’s the deal…

Bill Nelson, does have every intention of eating Barbara Nelson’s political lunch.

However there are two – count ‘em – two Bill Nelsons.

The Bill Nelson that Barbara is facing off against is a fixed income portfolio manager dude with Waddell and Reed. Oh, and he’s a generation or two younger and friskier than Barbara’s Bill, who by the way, actually does want to see his wife kick Bill Nelson’s you-know-what.

“Everybody thinks it’s me, but it’s not,” Barbara’s husband Bill says. “You know some people may vote for me instead of her thinking it’s me that’s running, but it’s not. I want them to vote for her.”

Got that?

Where’s Lew?

In the scheme of things, KU athletics director Lew Perkins lawsuit against tiny Lawrence T-shirt maker Joe-College.com seems mostly about money and of course, good taste. KU wants the jack Joe-College takes in on shirts like “Our Coach is Phat,” and they absolutely hate slogans like “Muck Fizzou” and “Our Coach Can Eat Your Coach.”

So is it any surprise that Joe-College owner Larry Sinks says it’s gotten personal.

Sinks should know, he and Perkins exchanged point blank range F-bombs at a Lawrence country club late last fall, Sinks says. And he’s out nearly $400,000 defending himself against KU and Perkins.

What else could possibly happen in this high stakes soap opera, you ask? Read on.

“Every Wednesday and every Friday Lew comes downtown, parks his car – he drives a gold Lincoln Navigator – and he gets out, and walks into a door across the street from me and up some steps,” Sinks says.

And, and…? “I have no idea what he does,” Sinks says.

So like maybe Perkins is spying on Sinks to see if he’s got any more shirts KU can litigate against?

“No, no, no, I’m not saying that,” Sinks says. “I don’t know if he’s seeing an acupuncturist, a trainer – I don’t know what he’s doing. But it’s every Wednesday and every Friday around 8:30 a.m. or 9 a.m., and his car’s there until 10 a.m. At one time I thought he was seeing a psychiatrist.”

Associate AD Jim Marchiony declined comment, but that seems doubtful…

However a check of the alleged premises reveals any number of other possibilities. Massage boutiques, photographers, a kid’s studio, computer consultants - even a marriage counselor, Helen Santi.

Hold it right there.

Is Santi seeing Sweet Lew? “I’m not, but I’m new,” she says.

One caveat: “I don’t want to be construed as someone who is stalking him,” Sinks says.

OK let’s think waaaay outside of the box. Suppose Sinks slips in and catches Perkins in a hot tub with a bevy of babes?

“Then I’d be proud of him,” Sinks quips. “Then I’d become a fan of his.”

Hearne on the street…

Marilyn Maye update: Allow me to cut to the chase; do not miss Kansas City crooner Marilyn Maye at Jardine’s on the Plaza starting this Sunday through March 25th. Think of it as an ultra rare, fleeting opportunity to catch KC’s answer to Tony Bennett in drag, up close and personal in the Plaza nightspot.

“It’s just such an intimate club where people can sit and drink and have dinner and everybody’s so close to me,” Maye says. “It’s a big party – it’s party time!”

An R-rated party at times, witnessed by the likes of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, radio legend Mike Murphy and soon to hightail it out of the Northland maybe former KC Mayor Kay Barnes.

“Well, I do add some funny lyrics on Easter Parade,” Maye confesses. “You could say it’s a bit naughty.”

(Catch more of Hearne at www.kcconfidential.com)

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Marketing Madness: Joe College vs. Lew Perkins

Posted 3/13/09

Think David vs. Goliath meets Clash of the Titans meets Never Ending Story...

The battle between Joecollege.com T-shirt shop owner Larry Sinks and Lew Perkins University of Kansas athletics department is a war that just won’t end.

Maybe ever…

To Sinks it's about free speech. And while the athletics department can carry on about possessorship of the word “Kansas” and/or the color blue, it’s made it clear that it finds some of the stuff Sinks says on his shirts offensive. Like the fat jokes about king-sized KU football coach Mark Mangino.

The department admitted it in a December University Daily Kansan student newspaper story:

“ 'Our request was to stop selling infringing and offensive shirts and shirts that had players’ names on it,’ KU Associate Athletics Director Jim Marchiony says.”

THE CLASH

When a Lawrence Journal World’s story about Sinks was published shortly before Thanksgiving last year, the paper highlighted the following Sinks quote:

"Lew Perkins is not God, he's not president of the United States. He's not the law. He can't tell you what you can and can't do."

As fate would have it, Sinks ran straight into the KU athletics honcho at a Lawrence country club that morning, as he appeared to be reading the story. The pair went nose-to-nose with an exchange of words unfit for publication, Sinks says.

“I mean, Lew Perkins told me at the Lawrence Country Club that he was going to ruin me,” Sinks says. “He said I will continue to come after you until I get what I want.”

Perkins declined to comment for this column.

DOWN AND OUT IN
LAWRENCE, KANSAS

With nearly $400,000 in legal fees defending himself against Perkins and KU, Sinks has fallen on hard times. He’s put his upscale Lawrence home two doors down from Chez Mangino up for sale and is living in the basement while he sorts out the pressures the lawsuit has exerted on his marriage and family life.

“The lawsuit’s been devastating,” Sinks says. “It’s just been a difficult time.”

His end game?

“I don’t know, I just hope the judge makes a decision that’s fair to me and they finally leave me alone. I just want to be left alone. I told someone the other day that my tank is about out of gas. But I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. But I don’t understand why people aren’t writing that KU has spent a million-five on me while professors are losing their jobs. And for what? Because Lew Perkins doesn’t like my T-shirts? He seems to be the only person who doesn’t. To me that’s the real story. I mean other people are doing what I’m doing and they’re not going after them.”

COLLECTOR’S ITEM ALERT

One shirt Sinks has yet to unleash: a Lew Perkins zinger.

“A lot of people ask me about making a shirt like that,” Sinks says. “But the thing is, my shirts are positive – I’m pro everything and I don’t want negative stuff in my store. So I don’t want a shirt that says, ‘Luck Few.’ I’ve had 50 people submit that shirt – please make a shirt that says ‘Luck Few’ but I don’t want to do that.”

PARTY IN WALDO

The single largest St. Patrick’s Day party in Kansas City: would you believe Lew’s Irish Hooley in Waldo?

Think of it as a full-blown four-leaf clover refuge for local party types w/o the crude consequences sometimes associated with Westport and the Power & Light District downtown.

“We’re the single largest St. Patrick’s day party in Kansas City for just one bar,” says Lew’s co-owner Chris Lewellen. “And I don’t know of any other major party that went on after 5 p.m. last St. Patrick’s day – even the Power & Light District closed down early.”

If the weather is good, Lewellen expects another 4,000 to 5,000 attendees with nonstop entertainment all day and Disco Dick at 8 p.m.

“What we do different is we have a thermally controlled tent like they use for weddings, food, tons of bars, three bands and a DJ,” Lewellen says. “And our specialty is we have more porta-potties than the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. We’ve even taken it to another level with an attendant who keeps everything clean and working.”

(For more stories by Hearne, check out kcconfidential.com or contact him at hearne@kcconfidential.com)

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Midas Touch or King Midas in reverse?

Posted 3/6/09

It almost goes without saying that the Leiweke name in Kansas City is golden. But was that always the case as oft reported in the media?

“Leiweke comet streaks back to KC sports scene,” the Kansas City Business Journal cooed in a 2004 puff piece welcoming Tim Leiweke here for what would evolve into the Sprint Center. “When the Leiweke brothers came to town in 1981, Kansas Citians didn't know what had hit them.”

That story - festooned with quotes from local schmooze artists - praised the Leiweke brothers for, among other things, their “Leiweke charisma” and driving “the Kansas City Zoo's makeover into a more naturalistic setting for animals.”

OK hold it right there…a naturalistic setting for the animals?

“Yeah, it was built for the animals, not for the people who come see the animals, and that’s why we had to completely redo it,” says longtime zoo board member Bob Lewellen. “We just finished a $12 million makeover which was money we had to spend to undo what Tracey Leiweke and his minion of local architects designed. The zoo almost closed in 2000 because of its design.”

For the record Tim Leiweke was not involved with the zoo redo.

I remember touring the Leiweke brothers spanking new offices in the mid 1980s atop a downtown Kansas City building, decked out with an array of the most expensive-looking office furniture imaginable and an atrium overhead. They barely completed it however, before they abruptly left town following their involvement in a failed touring rock museum promotion called “Walk Through Rock.”

So would Lewellen – then a KC councilman – credit the Leiweke’s with having had a Midas Touch?

“Um, well – they’ve been very successful since they left Kansas City,” he says.

And in Kansas City?

“Well, for awhile they were kind of the golden boys in Kansas City and created a lot of excitement,” Lewellen says. “However it was not built on a firm foundation and it fell apart when they left town.”

Lewellen even had a pet name for AEG honcho Tim Leiweke.

“I called Tim Leiweke Harold Hill,” Lewellen says referring to the smooth talking professor in the Music Man. “Because he came into town with all his grandiose ideas for Kansas City and one day he left and went on to bigger better things and left a shambles behind.”

Still Lewellen campaigned for Tim Leiweke and AEG’s Sprint Center. The one that still doesn’t have an NBA or NHL tenant.

“You know, I never ever believed we would get an NHL or NBA team and I still don’t think we will,” Lewellen says. “But I still think we needed to build the Sprint Center. I think the reason they threw those teams names around was a tool to help pass the tax.”
That said, was using pro teams to lure voters into coughing up millions and mothballing, Kemper Arena disingenuous?

“Yes, I think it was a disingenuous thing, but I didn’t say anything because I think it would not have passed (otherwise),” Lewellen says. “And I don’t think those teams would be successful here (anyway), we’re just not big enough.”

As for presenting it thusly to the public by dangling the NBA and NHL, “Well, if there was a definite attempt to mislead them, I think it would have been wrong,” Lewellen says. “But I truly believe that (Tim) is such a salesman he really believed that we would get a franchise.”

Tim Leiweke declined to comment for this column.

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MAYHEM IN MERRIAM

Keep an eye on tiny Merriam, Kansas, the city cut in two by I-35 that roughly spans 47th Street to 75th Street. …

One of the more Wild West political showdowns is likely to go down between longhaired, hard-rocking Merriam Councilman Dan Leap and hard-nosed Merriam Mayor Carl Wilkes.

Trust me, there’s no love lost between these two.

Bank on Leap will once again turning the front window of his Rock Candy Boutique in downtown Merriam into jagged-edged theater of the absurd with Wilkes in a starring role.

Up until now the campaign has struck a more-or-less civil tone.

That Wilkes is running for a third term as mayor merely elicits a, “I think there should be term limits,” from Leap. “You know, let some new blood come in once in a while.”

Wilkes take on going for a third: “I didn’t want to (just) duck and run and pick up my tent and go home during the bad times.”

Leap’s plan of attack to unseat hizzonor?

“For a lot of years Merriam was focusing on all these developments and they put all their eggs in one basket,” Leap says. “Now we’ve got a big zero. There’s not a single new store in either the Merriam Village or Merriam Point, that other hole in the ground on 67th Street on the west side of I-35. Off the top of my head, taxpayers have over $5 million in each of those deals and all we have to show for it are roads and walls and a big zero in tax revenue.”

Not his fault, Wilkes says.

“You can’t blame that on me, that’s all over the country,” he says. “Our financial situation in Merriam was not created by me.”

Wilkes won his first term by only two votes - which effectively were cast by Leap and his girlfriend. Won’t happen this time, Leap assures.

“Well, you know it could have been any two votes,” Wilkes counters. “It could have been me and my wife’s.”

One of Leap’s biggest hurdles may be an aberration in this year’s election, he says.

“Here’s the problem,” Leap explains. “The legislature screwed up the election laws. Normally the primary limits it down to two people, but this time they will narrow it down to three, which should favor the incumbent. It’d be better if just two of us came through the primary.”

Translation: in addition to Wilkes benefiting by being the incumbent, running three candidates divides the “change vote” in half.

(Got a tip for a future Landmark column by Hearne? Email him at hearne@kcconfidential.com)

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Death of the dailies?

Posted 2/26/09

Former Star publisher Art Brisbane surveys the grim prospects.

The economic condition of daily newspapers today: abysmal…

That said for all the shots at the “dead tree industry” from basement-dwelling bloggers, when it comes to local news – as opposed to off the cuff zingers and unsubstantiated “news tips” - the information highway starts and ends for the most part with papers like the Kansas City Star.

The question is, for how long and in what form? What is the state of the daily newspaper industry today?

“I think it’s in a tailspin, a very serious tailspin,” says industry veteran and former Star publisher Art Brisbane. “I mean the problem is the advertisers are moving to the Internet and because of the very weak economy they’re cutting back as well.”

As evidenced by the shrinking size of the local daily paper and a seemingly endless succession of layoffs and cutbacks – one of which resulted in me taking a bullet last November.

“There’s another dimension that makes it very difficult for newspapers and that’s that it’s not going to be easy to shift from print side revenues and profits to the online side,” Brisbane says. “A lot of companies are trying to do that, to (convert) the loss of print revenues to Internet revenues and it makes a lot of sense to try to do that. But the reality is the profits from Internet revenue are a lot less. The problem is that newspapers had a virtual monopoly over print advertising, but on the Internet there is virtually no barrier to entry, so they cannot leverage their rates up because there’s so much competition. And because of that it’s hard to generate profits and what’s happening is the decline of the print side is so much greater than the rise on the Internet side.”

All of which makes for a potential financial train wreck.

“The danger is that because of the decline in print revenues, (companies) may not be able to sustain an enterprise the size of a newspaper,” Brisbane says. “Because you’re going to need big revenues to sustain all the things a newspaper does - and that’s a lot - and you need those big fat revenues to sustain all that.”

The $64 million question: can daily papers like The Star live to tell the story?

“They’re trying to thin it out but there’s still an enormous amount of expenses on the print side,” Brisbane says. “People talk about the decline of circulation, but you’re still talking about very large numbers.”

Reportedly 200,000 plus weekdays and 300,000 plus Sundays.

Brisbane’s take on the possibility of daily printed papers going bye-bye?

“That seems to be a current idea,” he says. “They’re chopping away at the print side expenses. The question is can they chop fast enough and what’s left when they do? The problem is there’s this decline on the print side and there’s a natural desire or belief that the business can be supported on the online side, but the way things are working out it doesn’t look like that’s going to be the great savior – at least not in the short haul.”

Home sweet home?
The flip side of that unhappy coin: the Star remains one of the more profitable papers in the game.

“What I’m saying has already happened to the point of papers being unprofitable in a number of cities,” Brisbane says. “But The Star is a more profitable paper so it has a better chance of making it through the crisis. So it has more time to sort things out and make it through the current difficulty. Even in 2006 the San Francisco Chronicle was losing money and I’m under the impression that there are a number of papers losing money.”

Back to our Star…
“The essential ingredient is that because The Star had a monopoly it could demand premium advertising rates,” Brisbane notes. “The Star is still doing a very good job on the Internet but the problem is there’s been a fairly long slide in the pricing power of print and it’s costing every newspaper a lot of revenue and a lot of profit. For instance there was a time if you had a help-wanted ad – this was before Craig’s List – you might charge $250 a time and the ad might run five times. Before the advent of the Internet the profit on each $250 was enormous, increasing with each repetition. But people (then) had to come to the press to get their ads out there. Now they can’t charge $250 or whatever it is – it’s slim.”

And classified advertising until recently “was by far the most profitable part of the business,” Brisbane notes.

Armageddon aftermath
So is there light at the end of the current dark and foreboding newspaper tunnel?

“I think the answer to that is yes,” Brisbane says. “But the question that’s kind of intriguing to think about is what does it all look like at that point.”

All that said, were daily papers guilty of fiddling while Rome began to burn?

“I don’t think this was something newspapers could see coming and there wasn’t much they could do in order to completely respond to the situation,” Brisbane says. “They would have had to have a staff of brilliant engineers on the staff assigned to all this and beat Google to the punch.”

Brisbane’s prediction: “I don’t want to make a prediction about The Star but in general a number of newspapers will probably close and some of the newspaper companies will go bankrupt. And when that happens - let’s say some newspaper that has become unprofitable – the question is will anybody step up and buy it and try to run it successfully. You would think they would but we haven’t had a situation that has tested that prospect yet.”

How low can it go?
How few times a week can a daily paper publish and remain viable?

“Obviously there’s something known as a weekly out there, but I don’t know the answer to that,” Brisbane says. “They could have a daily printed product, but maybe look at doing it differently. Maybe print a free six-days-a-week paper but with only 40,000 copies a day and on Sunday you have a mega paper with 300,000 or greater circulation. That way you preserve the single most profitable part of the paper which is the Sunday paper - that is overwhelmingly the most profitable part of the paper. The problem though is, you reduce your visibility and the newspaper reading habit.”

The bottom line: in addition to an expected 30 or so additional newsroom staff cuts any day, the look and content of The Star and other daily newspapers are a slam dunk to change like never before in the weeks, months, years to come.

(Here’s the bottom line on your connection to this column: contact The Landmark’s newest columnist at hearne.kcconfidential@gmail.com)

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