Posted 10/28/11

Biggest New Year's Eve bash is gone

Posted 10/23/11

The Kansas City Star has been hemorrhaging humans since 2006

Posted 10/12/11

All that glitters, ain't Trader Joe's

Posted 10/9/11

Hey, sports fans…

There’s a new sports top gun in town at KC Confidential and his name is Brandon Leftridge.

I know, I know, the name’s a bit butch, but don’t let the English aristocracy vibe put you off. In the words of former KC Star sports top gun Jason Whitlock, Brandon’s the real deal.

Trust me.

To that end, allow me to excerpt some memorable moments from Leftridge’s initial outings.

Like his tongue-in-cheek take a on why Royals rookie Eric Hosmer should not be voted American League Rookie of the Year:

“Because God hates Kansas City. Because at some point in the past, we were drunk at a party and we hit on God’s girlfriend. But hey, we didn’t know. We were a little wasted. She looked really good from across the room. The D’Angelo was pumping, the lights were a little low… God was in the kitchen doing a keg stand. And dude, it’s not like he was even talking to her all night. If Robbie hadn’t pointed it out to you, you wouldn’t have even known that she came with God. So we (messed) everything up that one night years ago, at that house party in Amherst. And so we’re cursed.”

Leftridge then embarked on a course of following local and national athlete’s Twitter feeds.

“In today's modern media world, some of the greatest quotes come not from press conferences or radio interview sound bites, but directly from the horse's mouth. And by 'horse,' I mean person. And by 'mouth,' I mean Twitter page.

“Social media is a vast landscape of triumph and tragedy; ridiculousness and realism.
“But who has the time for all of those Tweets? What lifeless loser has hours to spend looking up random athletes and sports media personalities, in search of gold but bogged down with a thousand unnecessary 'lolz' and a million punishing abuses of the English language?
“I do, my friends. I do.”

*** @OzzieGuillen (Florida Marlins manager)
“At the the negro league museun in kc.”
“Every player coming tru kansas city should come visit the museum and see. Especially if you are latino to see this great history.”
I’m going to miss Ozzie’s profanity laced tirades directed at the media after the Sox lost a game to the lowly Royals. Nice shout out to the ‘museun,’ too. (Bonus points for wasting precious characters in the first Tweet with the double ‘the’, as well.)

*** @kkwhb (Kevin Kietzman, WHB 810)
“Watching at my mom's. She doesn't have a radio. 15 yrs on 810... Wonder if she has ever listened. #humbled”
This is weird. And depressing. And I’m a little curious as to why this is the first time it’s come up in 15 years.

*** @kkwhb (Kevin Kietzman, WHB 810)
“I'm really glad Pioli passed on D. Alexander. Very wise.”
Yeah, because who would want a legitimate deep threat who’s capable of making acrobatic catches? Not the Chiefs. No freaking way, man.

*** @MikeTyson (yep)
“I bit Evander because I was undisciplined at that moment. I had nothing to lose then. I had no wife, I didn’t have my kids.”
He left off the part where he exclaimed: ‘But I had an insatiabuw appetite for human eaws.’
@FloydMayweather (duh)
“I'm tired of beating up these guys. I'm thinking of moving up to the heavyweights and fighting the Klitschko brothers.”
Look, we all know that “Money” Mayweather is the king of arrogance… but this was stupid, even for him. I would pay damned good money to watch one of the Drago’s beat the ever-loving snot out of him. Please do it, Floyd, PLEASE.

How About Those Wildcats?
“Look, they won’t run the table. And no, they probably won’t be in the national title game. But you’ve gotta hand it to Bill Snyder’s Wildcats for handling their business against Baylor’s explosive offense, led by superstar QB Robert Griffin III. And yeah, they did little to harm Griffin’s Heisman candidacy—and with two less touchdowns on the year (18) than incompletions (20), you bet it’s a real thing—but they got to him when it mattered, picking him off late in the 4th quarter of a tight game.

“This may be K-State’s first and last foray into the top 25, though, as October gets positively horrific. Next week, they host a rested Mizzou team, then traveling to Texas Tech and KU before finishing out the month in Norman. Enjoy this feeling while it lasts, Wildcat fans. Nobody can take this away from you.”

Leftridge’s take on the pending departure of MU from the Big 12:

“Love ‘em or hate ‘em, if you’re a fan of collegiate sports in the greater Kansas City metro, this is a little bit of a blow. The respectable conference that once held court in homes across the land has been fractured into a thousand splinters of confusion and betrayal.

And yet… interim Big 12 commissioner Chuck(les) Neinas is clinging to the delusional fantasy that somehow, someway, something magical will be worked out.
I know he’s crazy, you know he’s crazy, but does he know he’s crazy? That’s the question.”

*** @BFlowers (Brandon Flowers, Chiefs CB)
“Larry Bird is unstoppable in #NBA2k12 for the #PS3! Make sure you get your copy from @2ksports, in stores October 4th”
Wow… what a complete shill. I mean, I suppose he got a free copy for doing this, but really? I hope if I’m ever a multi-millionaire, I don’t resort to Tweeting for free video games. Wait… unless it WORKS. @FIFA12 is in stores now! Make sure to pick up your copy today!

*** @JoseCanseco
“Love and miss u dad”
Canseco’s Twitter feed is like looking into the soul of a wilting flower. It’s horrifically honest and sad, and at times, downright depressing. Prior to last week’s multi-Tweet tirade against Car Max (“Don't go to car max u can get a better deal at any other place .they also have kids working here that will insult u with trade in value”) he spent his time alternately pining for someone named Leila (“I want to apologize to leila for what I said about her .she is a kind and beautiful person who deserves better than me”) and threatening followers who made fun of him (“Better to be a hasbin than never have bin”).
For the love of all that’s holy, Jose, please stop.

And now, a word from the guy who’s name's atop this column
Which, of course, would be me…
And I’d like to tell you that when it comes to Ward Parkway Center - Kansas City’s oldest, arguably successful shopping mall - all that glitters is not Trader Joe's...

Forget what you may have heard, according to retailers I interviewed at the center, the much ballyhooed arrival of Trader Joe's last summer has had virtually no positive effect on their businesses. And I’m talking about a large cross section of mall tenants. From Sports Nutz to Green Smoke, Sprint to Claire's, Bath & Body Works to Pier One.

Even the mall rental cop, when asked if the upstairs part of the mall had benefitted from Trader Joe's answered, "No. There's not much traffic."

All agreed Trader Joe's had yet to bring measurable business to their stores.

"They haven't had too much of an effect at all," says Sports Nutz GM Frank Hernandez. "They did the first week when people were coming into the mall and they weren't sure where (Trader Joe's) was at."

Once folks figured out it was on the far end of the mall with it's own separate entrance the Trader Joe's spillover phenomenon was o-v-e-r.

"People go in there," Hernandez says. "But I've hardly ever seen anybody with a bag on their arm from Trader Joe's."

The Green Smoke kiosk dude says he maybe got a "little bit" of TJ biz early on, "but then once they figured out where it was, they started parking on that end of the mall."
How about Sprint, any TJ action there?

"You would think we would but we haven't," said a sales grrrl, excited that the company would begin taking iPhone 4 S orders this Friday. "But you know, a lot of people when they have groceries, they don't want to shop."

Good point.

Who's wants to run up and down a mall lugging groceries while their Ben & Jerry's turns to soup?

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

High school reunions often suck so badly

Posted 9/29/11

Star gets burned by crowd counts

Posted 9/23/11

REMEMBER THE WATSON'S GIRL FROM THOSE TV ADS?

Posted 9/16/11

CONCERTS AT NEW PARK ARE WRECKING THE JOINT

Posted 9/9/11

THE STORY THAT NEVER REALLY HAPPENED

Posted 9/2/11

RUN THE QB OUT OF TOWN? AND ROCK MEDIA WARS

Posted 8/29/11

KANROCKSAS: HOW BIG WAS IT AND WILL IT BE BACK?

Posted 8/14/11

Kanrocksas, the Kansas City area’s first big time rock festival in decades went down almost without a hitch last weekend at Kansas Speedway in KCK.

I mean, one unexplained death but hey, the Warrior Dash had that. And with the kinda heat that’s been kicking KC’s butt in recent weeks, we may have gotten off easy.
So let’s take a look at Kanrocksas. Starting with the attendance and profitability or lack thereof.

When Kanrocksas was announced, promoters said they were “only putting out 80,000 tickets” to the event. That was then.

Reports of ticket sales in the 20,000 to 25,000 range going into the weekend followed by estimates of 30,000 to 35,000 attendees the first day with Eminem headlining actually seemed optimistic.

That’s still a far cry from the 80,000 figure and insider talk is Kanrocksas may have lost in the neighborhood of $1 million to $2 million. Or more.

Will it be back?

No word yet from promoters, but clearly putting something of this magnitude together is no easy task. Kanrocksas appeared to feed off of Chicago’s massive Lollapalooza fest that same weekend.

However, while Kanrocksas was able to lure Eminem, Muse and other bands, it did not come close to signing the scale of heavy-duty acts that played Lollapalooza. Bands like Foo Fighters and Coldplay. Or even support acts like The Cars, Big Audio Dynamite and Deftones. Or the dozens of other up-and-comers.

Frankly, to the extent Lollapalooza can prevent it, it’s probably in that festival’s interest to keep Kanrocksas in its (smaller) place. To not to hurt its regional draw.

How did the two fests compare?

Hard to say. But while some tossed out the 30,000- figure for Eminem here, MTV pegged his Chicago crowd at 60,000-plus with 90,000 overall at the event that day alone.

In other words, Lollapalooza drew what KC wanted to draw. And then some.

So we’ll see what happens next year.

Ozark Music Fest Flashback
It wasn’t always this challenging getting tens of thousands of people to muster for a big rock fest.

The year was 1974. The month July. The town Sedalia. You were there.
Right?

Eh, maybe not. But judging from the pics, if you were chances are you would have been half to fully naked, blitzed out of your mind and in sore need of creature comforts.

Here’s a recap from a column I wrote several years back about the event after interviewing promoter Chris Fritz.

The Ozark Music Festival was a three-day rock fest a la Woodstock with a lineup that included the Eagles, Aerosmith, Lynryd Skynyrd, REO, Bob Seger, Ted Nugent, BTO and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

"The whole idea was we would get a maximum of 50,000 people for three days," Fritz told me later. "And we probably sold about that many in advance and at the door."

"Who knows how many people actually came," Fritz continued. "But the military flew over and spotted it on Saturday when it was really cooking and said there were 300,000 people."

The heat didn't bother the attendees back then, since the vast majority of attendees stormed in for free.

"It was 104 degrees the whole time, and people were dropping like flies," Fritz told me. "And the place was like waist-high in garbage afterwards. All the fences were torn down, there was mud everywhere. They had to bring the prisoners from Jeff City in to clean it up afterwards so the grounds would be ready for the State Fair.

"The city ran out of food and water - they'd turn a fire hydrant on and nothing would come out. Ice was selling for $20 to $30 a bag. Hookers were going for $5 - there were hooker trailers there - the headline in the newspaper said `Sodom and Gomorrah.' It was insane."

"No event in recent Missouri history has produced more emotion and near-hysteria in political circles," a Kansas City Star editorial said at the time. "No one in his right mind in Jefferson City or elsewhere would intentionally authorize a repetition of the fair grounds disaster."

There’s more…

A fleet of golf carts Fritz brought in to ferry the artists were taken over by the crowd and destroyed.

"You know, we had like 40 of 'em, and all of a sudden there were none," Fritz told me. "They were using them like demolition cars - they lit them on fire."

Sedalia's City Fathers were not happy.

"They wanted somebody's hide," Fritz said. "At 5 or 6 p.m. when the show ended, I had to leave because somebody said, `They have a lynch mob, and you'd better get out of town.'

"I was banned from the fair grounds, and the city council said I was banned from Sedalia. We were doing a motor show there 15 years later, and they go, `Chris Fritz can't be on the property.' And there were always people from Sedalia that would tell me, `Chris Fritz, he's like this mythical guy, and if he ever came back to Sedalia, it'd be all over for him.' One time in the early '90s, I was standing there in my shorts, drinking a peanut butter shake and eating a Goober burger listening to these motorcycle guys tell me all this and going, `Uh huh, uh huh.' I didn't tell them who I was. It was just cooler to walk away and leave this enigma in their minds."

I asked Missouri State Fair director Mel Willard in 2004 if Fritz was still banned.

"If you asked the director of the fair then, he'd probably say, `Yes, he's banned forever.' Because he lost his job over all that," Willard told me . "But as far as I'm concerned, it's lifted. There is no blacklist today."

Oh yeah, be sure and check out photographer David Mann's amazing photos from the fest.

Put away the earplugs

With the summer movie season drawing to a close, KC Confidential’s Jack Poessiger says it’s time to set aside the 3-D goggles and take a breather from the relentless procession of robot battles and faded comic book super heroes.

Time for a bit of calm and acting artistry.

“When you see as many marginal movies like critics have to, it's easy to become a bit jaded,” Poessiger begins.

“So when something very special comes along we tend to go overboard and want to tell everyone about it. And that's the case with THE HELP, the superb screen adaptation of Kathryn Stockett's # 1 best selling novel.”

Now the basics…

Set in 1960's Jackson, Mississippi during the height of the civil rights movement, THE HELP tells of southern society girl Skeeter (played by Emma Stone),” Poessiger says.

She's returning from Ole Miss, becoming a writer for the local newspaper, but begins to turn the town upside-down when she decides to interview many of the black women who've spent their lives as maids, taking care of prominent white southern families. Almost single handedly raising their own kids yet having to use separate bathrooms in their houses.

“Changes begin - with a whisper - to overcome the old stereotypes and misconceptions---ultimately turning the maid's inner pain of racial injustice into a best selling book called THE HELP.

“Three Oscar worthy performances in THE HELP include those of Viola Davis as the wise Aibileen. Also for consideration should be Octavia Spencer's sassy portrayal of Minnie. And the big surprise here has to be Stone who's at the top of her game in the lead as Skeeter.

Other standouts include Bryce Dallas Howard as the bitchy Hilly Holbrook, Chris Lowell, Jessica Chastain, Sissy Spacek and Cicely Tyson.”

Hey and dudes, try not to think of The Help as a chick flick, Jack says. Because Man Jack is raising 4 ½ out of five “Oscar bound fingers for the PG 13 rated movie.

Read more of Hearne at www.kcconfidential.com

AMBLE: NO MORE INTERVIEWS ABOUT SISTER

Posted 8/8/11

Does Farm Aid Still Matter?

Twenty-six years after the original the "charity" concert is KCK bound August 13th at the new Livestrong Sporting Park.

But hoopla aside, is the event originally designed to help save family farms still viable today? Financially or artistically?

The original Farm Aid raised more than $9 million. But a check of its most recent available tax filings for the 2009 Farm Aid reveals it grossed just $1,229,577. Bringing just $333,330 to the bottom line, which was distributed to around 20 organizations, including the Missouri Rural Crisis Center, which got $15,000.

And remember, those are 1985 dollars versus 2009 dollars.

So does Farm Aid still matter? Yes and no. But clearly it doesn't come close to mattering like it once did.

Now let's look at if Farm Aid still matters from an artistic standpoint?

The answer; not really.

It's a middling, annual festival hanging onto the coattails of its four lead amigos - Willie Nelson, Neil Young, John Mellencamp and Dave Matthews. In addition to the above artists, Farm Aid 2011 includes Jason Mrza, Jamey Johnson, Jakob Dylan, Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real, Robert Francis, Will Daily & the Rivals, Rebecca Pidgeon and Billy Joe Shaver.

Hardly a stellar lineup...

Compare that to Farm Aid One's lineup:

Alabama, Hoyt Axton, The Beach Boys, The Blasters, Bon Jovi, Glen Campbell, Johnny Cash, David Allan Coe, John Conlee, Charlie Daniels Band, John Denver, Bob Dylan, John Fogerty, Foreigner, Vince Gill, Arlo Guthrie, Sammy Hagar, Merle Haggard, Daryl Hall, Emmylou Harris, Don Henley, Waylon Jennings, Billy Joel, Randy Newman, George Jones, Rickie Lee Jones, B. B. King, Carole King, Kris Kristofferson, Huey Lewis, Loretta Lynn, John Mellencamp, Roger Miller, Joni Mitchell, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Willie Nelson, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Charley Pride, Bonnie Raitt, Lou Reed, Kenny Rogers, Brian Setzer, Sissy Spacek, Tanya Tucker, Eddie Van Halen, Debra Winger, Neil Young, Dave Milsap, Joe Ely, Judy Rodman, X
So does Farm Aid Still Matter? You make the call.

KCTV Weather Wonk Goes Into Hiding
The riding keeps getting rougher for KCTV weather wonk Gary Amble's sister...
Channel 5's done its part to milk that Amble's sister - Michele Bachmann – is running for prez. Including its recent, "exclusive" interview with Amble, in which he dodged anything resembling a meaningful question about his controversial sister.

Big surprise.

Bachmann's suffered more embarrassing toe stubs than all the other presidential hopefuls combined. And at the end of KCTV's puff piece, anchor Brad Stephens cautions that Amble would not be accepting any more media interview requests regarding his sister's candidacy.

Which may sound a little funny until you consider the story in the August 8 National Enquirer.

"Some (Bachmann) family members actually fear for their safety due to Michele and Marcus' outrageous views," a family insider tells the Enquirer.

Marcus Bachmann being Bachmann's equally controversial husband and Amble's brother-in-law.

"Hollywood has declared war on presidential candidate Michele Bachmann and her husband for their controversial views on the gays," the Enquirer reports. ""Bachmann, a Republican congresswoman from Minnesota, opposes same-sex marriage and has called being gay 'part of Satan.' Her husband Marcus - who runs Christian counseling clinics - believes gays and lesbians can be 'cured' of their sexual preference with prayer and has called gays 'barbarians.' "

The couple's gay remarks sparked Cher into unleashing a Tweet labeling Amble's bro-in-law "unchristian" and adding she'd like to choke him with her boa.

The $64 million question: is Amble now laying low because he's worried about backlash from the gay community?

He ain't talking.

But "with the Bachmann's views drawing more fire, her husband's Bachmann & Associates clinic in suburban Minneapolis was glitter-bombed on July 21 by a group of gay activists dressed as barbarians," the Enquirer reports. "Marcus Bachmann was not present when the activists scattered glitter in a waiting room and reception area, while some reportedly chanted, 'You can't pray away the gay - baby, I was born this way.'"

Plaza Youth Riots Update

The long hot summer in Kansas City is getting hotter..

"I just got back in town and I heard from friends that there was a mini riot on the Plaza Saturday night," says Shawnee sparkplug Tracy Thomas.

How bad was it?

"I heard that tear gas was used," Thomas says. "And that Kansas City mayor Sly James was down there with developer Bebe Anderson. And they checked in on the police action and then went on to J.J.'s. They were out for the evening."

KC Strip trolley point man Bill Nigro confirms "several hundred kids were gathered in front of the Cinemark movie theaters again Saturday night."

But while sources indicate pepper spray was used to break up part of the action, the kids weren’t "running around all over the place like they have in the past," Nigro says.

Now the official word…
"Honestly, the past couple of weekends we've had, to varying degrees, some crowd problems down there," says KCPD spokesman Steve Young. "But no media attention thus far. I'll check into it, but I'll tell you one thing I'm pretty sure of; no tear gas was used. But you know, people throw those terms around and they don't know the difference between tear gas and pepper spray. Every police officer carries pepper spray."

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

THE DEPARTING KATIE HORNER IS PLAYING IT COY

Posted 7/13/11

The odds that storm siren Katie Horner is leaving KCTV later this year for the mere joys of motherhood?

Slim to none...

That is what the station said in its press release about Horner leaving. That she “feels she needs some additional time with her young daughters."

While that may be true feel to some extent, come on. Clearly, Horner likes cashing paychecks as much as the next storm chaser and she’s go bills to pay, a couple of ex’s, parties to attend.

Besides, if Horner has nothing to hide, why isn't she returning calls?

She didn't return mine recently for a benign profile in a local society magazine. Nor did she the Star's, for a news story about her leaving KCTV.

That Horner has a newly-minted divorce and a penchant for partying is one thing, but if all's truly well, why hide out?

At this stage of the game, Channel 5 seems determined to save face and try and have a little fun with Horner's departure.

Here’s an idea; she could host a Halloween bash for frightened viewers at the Sandbar in Lawrence. The "home of the hurricane" watering hole that puts on scary indoor tropical storms every hour on the hour.

And while what is likely a six to twelve month non-compete clause and a conditional going-away paycheck probably insure Horner won't be taking any parting shots, inquiring minds still want to know, what's next for her?

I mean, what's really next?

"A friend of mine in Atlanta at Weather Channel says Katie Horner may be headed that way," says a local source. TBD by Labor Day.

And while other area TV weather wonks say they've heard that rumor, they’re having a hard time believing it.

"I'd be totally surprised and shocked that she would do that," says one media professional. “The Weather Channel thing would be shocking to me because they don't pay very much and she's on her way to being 50 years-old. I don't buy it."

Industry estimates that Horner may be taking down in the neighborhood of $225,000 per year could be a major sticking point.

For example, "CNN meteorologists make about half of that," says a source.

Stay tuned...

Have Funk will travel
Word that ousted former mayor Mark Funkhouser is hightailing it out of KC for a D.C. think tank gig triggered a bevy of Google searches by locals...

Funk is going to work for a new company called the Governing Institute. Which is owned by a company associated with Government Technology magazine which was sold two years ago to a media company whose top management include Scientologists.
That’s what New York Times media writer Tim Arango reported in 2009.

The implication being something sinister might be in the offing via the Scientology connection. However Arango provided no actual hard evidence of Scientology malfeasance in his story and there have been no follow ups subsequent to his initial handwringing.

"Good for him, I figured something like this might happen but I didn't think it would happen this soon," says former Funk right hand man Joe Miller of the move out of town.
As for any onerous connections between Funk and/or wife Gloria to Scientology, "There's none," Miller says. "Gloria was actually pretty anti-religion and he's sort of Judeo-Christian, but not practicing."

Nor is Miller worried about Scientologists hijacking the 25 year-old magazine.

"I think this is completely detached," Miller says. "Scientologists, even though they're weird, their intellectual pursuits are somewhat reasonable from what I understand."

Crime & punishment in the red light district
Found out the hard way recently you can get a ticket by turning right on red if you don’t come to a full stop in one of Kansas City’s red-light camera intersections.

Silly me, I thought you actually had to run the red light. So now my $100 check is “in the mail” but I did a little digging first to get my money’s worth.

I learned, for example that “the folks in Phoenix don't issue the tickets?" Kansas City Public Works spokesman Dennis Gagnon told me. "It's looked at by a Kansas City police officer.”

That was comforting. And that the red light cams monitor speed and right turns on red as well as the standard, basic running of the light itself.

"My guess is you didn't stop," Gagnon says. "Did you roll around the corner?"

Uh, good guess.

As for the red light cams monitoring speed, "They do detect your speed but we don't use that to write tickets," Gagnon explains. "But the officer can look at that and see how fast you were going through the intersection. So if it shows you were going 40 mph and still going 40 after or even 45 - like the person tried to gun it and run through it - it gives the officer an indication of what the driver was thinking."

Some red light cam protesters – they gather every month or so at the red light cam at 39th and Southwest Trafficway in KC - claim the manufacturer shortened the yellow light time to increase the bust rate and bring in more money.

No way, Gagnon says.

"The yellow times haven't been doctored, they're using the same formula at that intersection as all the other intersections in the city," Gagnon says. "In our city the vendor cannot touch the controls for the timing of yellow lights. All of our timings for yellow are based on a traffic formula. There is a minimum and a maximum and in between there are various times. So if somebody thinks people have been had by the red light company, it's not true. And they get paid a flat rate, so there are no incentives."

Speaking of which, are the cams big money makers?

"There is some revenue there but not enough to make the argument that we should be in this for the revenue, but it's all averaged out," Gagnon says. "It varies by location but the city has made enough revenue to honor the contract (with the red light cam manufacturer). There's one location though that never has paid for itself. At 19th and Walnut. People wised up to that one almost immediately and that location has not covered its expense."
As for the red light cams delivering results, there’s little doubt about that in Marcie Paegelo’s mind.

For years Paegelow witnessed crash after grisly crash from her front row seat at A&A Royal Auto Trim at the corner of 39th Street and Southwest Trafficway.

"Before the cameras there was a bad wreck at least once a day or every other day," Paegelow says. "And of course, all of our guys would go out and look. So we were paying our guys for 20 minutes just to go out and watch the commotion."

And now, two years after the red light cams went in?

"Since the cameras went in, there's probably only a wreck a month that we even notice," Paegelow says.

Gagnon's tongue-in-cheek take:

"Well, I guess we've taken away that free entertainment."

For more Hearne and KC Confidential, go to kcconfidential.com

DON'T LET YOUR MOVIE SUMMER BE HISTORY--SOME GOOD ONES COMING UP

Posted 7/8/11

With the Royals in the tank, the Chiefs in limbo, there aren't a lot of sexy sports topics to kick around...

So why not drum up a sports radio war? Despite the Royals poor play 610 Sports has had a few upticks. And there's always the listeners who love to hate WHB superstar Kevin Kietzman.

So you know, let there be war!

But apart from making Cowtowners' water cooler lives a bit more interesting, is there really a sports radio war being waged in Kansas City?

Yes and no - emphasis on the latter.

"War is war and people die," says radio bigwig Bob Zuroweste, who lorded over the great sports talk wars of the late '90s/early 2000s. "People don't die in this business - it's just a competitive environment.".

Zuroweste was at the helm of Entercom when KMBZ 980 AM's once-mighty afternoon drive sports show with Don Fortune was King Kong to everybody else's Chicken Little.
Until a mild-mannered weekend anchor from Fox 4 named Kevin Kietzman left TV for an uncertain future talking about sports on a tiny station with the signal strength of a weak kitten.

"The sports radio wars really started when KCTE 1510 AM and Kevin Kietzman took on Don Fortune with a peashooter signal and they actually beat Fortune in men," Zuroweste says. "And they put a billboard up around town that said, 'Lose a Fortune.' That was what started it. The Game, 1250 AM, was our answer to it with that crazy guy Johnny Renshaw. But that never took off like we wanted it to.

"But when things really heated up was when we launched 610 Sports and hired Bill Maas, Jason Whitlock and Tim Grunhard away from WHB in basically one night - it was all or none. That and we took Jim Rome from them as well."

What ensued was a mad talent scramble with WHB snagging then Channel 9 weekend sports anchor Dave Stewart, who'd been doing radio for Entercom on The Rock 98.9 FM with Johnny Dare. In desperation, WHB also lured then minor leaguers Nick Bukaty and Bob Fescoe. They needed bodies, voices.

But the move that truly kicked Entercom's sports radio ass was when WHB landed Soren Petro.

"We were very disappoined that Petro left," Zuroweste says. "We wanted him to be part of our new team. And WHB was able to keep (Fox 4's) Frank Boal. And they had George Brett on with him for awhile. But that was more for the name - he didn't do a lot."
Bottom line: Despite Entercom's stunning talent raid and 610's launch, WHB not only prevailed it won out.

There was no shortage of subterfuge leading up to all-out war breaking out.

"I had tried to hire Whitlock away from WHB for KMBZ a couple of times," Zuroweste says. "And we tried to hire Kietzman too."

How close Zuroweste came to hiring one of the heavy hitters?

"Oh, I don't think I got close with Kietzman. I think Kietzman was playing me. We met for lunch one time and I'd been trying to hire him, so I took out a napkin and a pen and gave it to him and said, 'Write down a number on it.' And when he wouldn't put a number down, I knew he wasn't coming to Entercom.

"Whitlock I got close to. We were going to pair him with Fortune, but Whitlock wouldn't do it. He wanted his own deal. So at that point we hired Jim Rose (from Nebraska) and that didn't work out. Then we tried to get Whitlock again. And then we hired Petro and paired him with Fortune. And you know, Soren's a bright guy but there was just a generation gap with him and Fortune. So that wasn't a good marriage.

"Then Fortune retired and Soren had his own show on KMBZ," Zuroweste continues. "And Fescoe and Bukaty were there at the time and we had the Royals."

Now enter into the pre-610 Sports launch mix, legendary AM country signal 61 Country with David Lawrence and Paul Harvey.

"What happened was 61 Country was getting long in the tooth with its age demo and the revenue was slipping," Zuroweste says. "And (Entercom head) David Field thought that music should be on FM and talk on AM. And that's when we tried putting 61 Country on 106.5 FM and kept David Lawrence and Paul Harvey. That was the original plan, because the music on 61 Country wasn't old country, it was just like KFKF FM is today."

That's how the path was cleared for - remember? - 61 Sports...

"But it was fraught with trouble from the beginning because of Whitlock's ego and Maas's ego," Zuroweste says. "Otherwise, it would have worked, I think. The biggest loss was we had Petro going across town."

As for the concept of a radio war being waged today - absent talent raids, station launches and big names lined up in both trenches... Eh!

Competition, yes. War, no way.

"Anytime you have two stations in a format, there is what I would call a high competition level," Zuroweste says. "Because the same people are listening to both stations. So what you want to do is engage them for a longer period of time. You can use the term 'war' but it's really a competitive battle.

"In radio terms, when you launch an attack - like in World War II when the U.S. wasn't at war with Japan but there was tension - but when you go out and hire their talent and put a radio station on the air, that's war. Right now it's more like Afghanistan."
Jack says don't give up the movie ship!

SO IS YOUR MOVIE SUMMER ALL BUT HISTORY?

Not by a long shot! I've counted 18 new movies yet to open from the major studios by Labor Day.

And that's not including independent releases. To my way of thinking 10 of them will have a good to excellent chance to hit at the boxoffice. Two of them in blockbuster fashion.

Here they are:

1.-This coming weekend one of the funniest movies you'll see all summer opens. It's the ensemble comedy HORRIBLE BOSSES starring Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Charlie Day, Jamie Foxx, Donald Sutherland---and (a raunchy) Jennifer Aniston like you've never seen her before.

2.-Then in 2 weeks the Harry Potter franchise comes to its epic finale ( in 3-D no less) as HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS-Part 2 opens on July 15.

3.-July 22 brings Marvel Comics' CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER to the screen with Chris Evans and Tommy Lee Jones as the leads.

4.-Two potential hits set to open on July 29. Namely the Sci-Fi Western COWBOYS AND ALIENS starring Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford and.....

5.-.....CRAZY STUPID LOVE with middle-aged Steve Carrell re-entering the dating scene. Ryan Goslind, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei and Kevin Bacon round out the cast.

6.- How about THE SMURFS on August 3 with Neil Patrick Harris and Katy Perry opposite those computer generated little blue devils......

7.-.Two days later on August 5 the Smurfs go head-to-head against Fox's resurrection of its old apes franchise in RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES starring James Franco.

8.- THE HELP based on Kathryn Stockett's best selling novel about class and race relations in 1960's Mississippi opens on August 12. Viola Davis, Bryce Dallas Howard, Emma Stone and Jessica Chastain lead the cast.....

9..The same opening date (8/12) for the caper thriller 30 MINUTES OR LESS with Jesse Eisenberg from THE SOCIAL NETWORK.

10.- Finally on August 19, Iowa-raised and 1999 winner of 'Hawaii's Model Of the Year' contest Jason Momoa steps into Arnold's shoes as he resurrects CONAN THE BARBARIAN.

Note to self: On a per capita basis, Kansas City remains one of the country's top moviegoing markets.

How many cities our size can still boast seven first-run Drive-In screens? Probably none!

For more Hearne, check out kcconfidential.com

NICK WRIGHT VS. JASON WHITLOCK

Posted 7/2/11

Clash of the titans?

Nah. Just a pair of entertaining on-air dust-ups last week between 610 Sports afternoon drive host Nick Wright and former Star columnist Jason Whitlock.

Having grown up in KC, Wright looked up to Big Sexy and was polite when he phoned the station to diss Wright under the pretense of giving him some friendly advice.

Wright’s post interview take on the tangles?

"I think Jason Whitlock is very talented and very good at what he does, at promoting the brand of Jason Whitlock in his writing," Wright says.

Then again…

“I also think Jason is most likely bi-polar, very-very self conscious and vacillates between delusions of grandeur that have him - as he said to me - producing the two greatest examples of American writing in the history of American news. Between that and, 'Nobody likes me. How come I don't have any friends? And How come I haven't had a serious girlfriend in my adult life?' "

Harsh!

As for why Whitlock – who now lives in LA – would bother phoning in to a KC radio station to give broadcasting tips to the host, “He was used to walking around Kansas City and being awesome and being a celebrity,” Wright says. “Now he's walking around Los Angeles and nobody gives a damn. He wants to be talked about. He wants to be loved again. He wants to be important again. And he's not.”

The secret of Jack Daniels success…

Jack Daniels master taster Jeff Norman hit KC last week to let a few cats out of the company bag.

“Old No. 7 is made the same way every day,” Norman says. “And our barrels are made the same way every day. But there’s got to be some differences to give us the difference whiskies.”

Two of which are weather and the secret charcoal filtering.

“Age matters in Scotch,” Norman says. “But we treat our whiskey like a fruit – when it’s ripe it’s ripe. Age is not an indication of readiness. Everything in our flavor is coming from the wood. We don’t age anything, we mature it.”

Norman is a purist who prefers his Jack straight up or with water. That said, Nick and Jakes owner Kevin Timmons pleasantly surprised Norman with a refreshing, summer concoction made with the new Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey liqueur.

“It’s got a splash of cream, Tennessee Honey and Coke on ice,” Timmons says of his invention.

“Very good, very good – very well executed,” Norman said on sampling Timmons' mix. This is the first time I’ve had anything like this and I think it’s very well done.”

Modern dysfunctional family
KC export Eric Stonestreet is caught up in a money grab on one of the most popular shows on television, Modern Family.

In the ABC sitcom’s playful, early days there were group hugs all around. No mas, the National Enquirer reports. The cast is caught up in an "old-fashioned war over money."

According to the Enquirer, Modern Family's cast members are renegotiating their salaries "with the series on a hot streak."

"Each cast member wants a bigger piece of the pie than the others, especially in light of the show's ratings success and a big bucks syndication deal that was cut last year," a show insider told the Enquirer. "Their agents are climbing over each other's backs trying to get the best deal."

Atop Modern Family's financial food chain is Ed "Married with Children" O'Neill, who earned a reported $100,00 per show last season. The Enquirer estimates O'Neill will take down $150,000 this season.

Which brings us to our own, lovable, gay-on-the-show but straight-in-real-life, Stonestreet.

Stonestreet and other cast members reportedly "banked" between $30,000 and $60,000 per show last season. Which if you do the math on O'Neill means they would get $45,000 to $90,000 this season.

But no...

"They all think they're worth $100,000 an episode and Stonestreet's rep wants even more because he won an Emmy," the Enquirer says.

Modern Family ranks No. 1 with viewers in the key 18-49 year-old demographic.

As for those warm and fuzzies of season's past, "On the surface, the cast comes across as one big happy family," the Enquirer's reports. "But now the knives have come out. The sentiment is, 'the hell with solidarity, it's every star for himself!' "

Transformers 3 wakes the dead
Over the age of 16 and still recovering from trying to stay awake during the second Transformers movie two years ago?

Take a number.

Recentl-axed Star movie critic Robert Butler even fell asleep during the screening of T-2 while trying to review it. A detail Butler included in his review after KC Confidential caught him napping.

Well, you can put away the No Doz.

Director Michael Bay’s big budget summer release, TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON will not put you to sleep, reports KCC’s Jack Poessiger.

“Welcome to Paramount's version of a trip through Toys R Us---specifically the Hasbro section where blow 'em up good filmmaker Bay has made up for his less than stellar 2009 sequel which he blames on a then pending writer's strike,” Poessiger says. “Here in DARK OF THE MOON the story focus is on the back story of Transformers. Seems that back in 1969 when Neil, Buzz and the gang went to the moon, their secret mission involved recovering an important internal component of a crashed Transformer spaceship. A secret technology that could've saved their race. And the Feds have had it under wraps ever since. Something that's become known to the underground movement of the Decepticons --and they're coming back to get it!”

We’ll leave the plot twists for you to discover on your own.

But a few fun facts…
“Most of the original cast returns except for Megan Fox who's replaced by British Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as Shia LaBeof's squeeze,” Poessiger says. “A few acting lessons prior to filming could've done wonders for Ms. Whiteley's performance. But guess what? I didn't much notice.”

“There are notable fun cameo appearances by Bill O'Reilly raging against the Auto bots and Buzz Aldrin giving credence to a NASA cover-up/conspiracy.”

“And hats off to James Cameron's 3-D crew who helped Bay make this a worthy, full-fledged 3-dimensional presentation worthy of the ticket up charge from the 2-D version of the movie.”

Poessiger’s bottom line:
“Say what you will, with TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON, Michael Bay has made it bigger, badder and louder! It's not Shakespeare, folks---just a good old fashioned PG-13 summer popcorn movie.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

KATIE HORNER: FOOTLOOSE, FANCY FREE

Posted 6/24/11

He’s out!

Former longtime KC Star sports columnist Jeffrey Flanagan has left the building – Kansas City, actually.

After being laid off by the paper three years ago, Flanagan soldiered on as a freelancer for Fox Sports online during baseball season. Covering the lowly Royals. However his last post under the title “Flanny’s Take” went down in late May.

"Steve Penn at the Star told me that he was called back home several weeks ago to Minnesota or Wisconsin," says Stanford's comedy club owner Craig Glazer. "And the word is, he's not coming back. Steve said he saw him the day before he left and that (Jeff) told him that, given the situation at the Star, there really wasn't much here for him anymore. He told Steve he had a couple sports books he wanted to write."

Flanagan reportedly will help care for an ill family member.

There’s more.

For years Glazer and Flanagan were party pals. Until, that is, the morning of Sept. 11, 2001 when FBI agents showed up at the newspaper looking for Flanagan.

“It was Flanagan that called me and told me FBI agents were at the Star questioning him about me,” Glazer says of his 2001 drug bust. “What followed was me being indicted for things I never did. What it boiled down to was I was (just) a partier…”

“Once they indicted me, Jeff felt it was best for his career to separate from me as a friend. I mean, Jeff and I had been together for years - four or five nights a week - for better than half a decade. So it really disturbed me. Flanagan remained distant ever since, and I've never said this, but now that it's a decade later, that disturbed me. I could appreciate his situation at the Star, but after I was cleared in 2003 and after he got laid off in 2008, he still never bothered to resolve the situation."

As a Star columnist – a totally clean cut Star columnist I’d like to stress – I was told then by Star editor Mark Zieman that I was never again to write about Glazer (or any Glazers) in the pages of the Star. A restriction that was never actually lifted, but was grudgingly relaxed years later after Glazer became “newsworthy” by opening a nightclub in Westport called Johnny Dare’s and his father Stanford Glazer ran for mayor of Kansas City.

Ladies and gentlemen, there are 8 million stories in the Naked Cowtown. This has been just one of them.

Experiment o-v-e-r

The year-plus “experiment” in reserved-seating-only at Kansas City-based AMC Theatres Town Center in Leawood is history.

AMC spokesperson Ryan Noonan confirmed the theater circuit will phase out the reserved seating-only policy by July 22nd.

"We will be advising our guests of the pending policy change prior to the switchover date through in-theater informational postings," Noonan says.

Theater patrons were required to pay a mandatory ticket premium for guaranteed reserved seats, something many moviegoers enjoyed---especially on busy weekend nights. But not enough of them evidently to sustain the policy for the long haul.

AMC has also done away with its mandatory, minimum food and beverage purchase requirement in the upscale Cinema Suites and Fork & Screen theaters in downtown KC and Olathe. Reportedly because certain film companies were complaining about the high-ticket prices and threatening to demand a piece of the box office action.

Jack be nimble
It’s no secret to longtime friends and fans of radio movie guy Jack Poessiger that he frequently errs on the side of frugality. It’s the German in him. But when he bought a new Mercedes-Benz (he didn’t err on frugality there), it came with a free trial subscription to Sirius/XM satellite radio. And cheap – I mean, frugal – as Jack is, he couldn’t resist signing up for the somewhat costly monthly service after becoming hooked on the Howard Stern Show.

Alas, that was just the tip of the satellite iceberg for Man Jack.

“Then came a notice that there would be a channel shuffle of stations and new ones added,” Poessiger says. “So the other evening I really checked it all out.
That's when I came upon Spice Radio, complete with its adult stories, language and reality & X-rated phone calls - which tops Playboy's radio channel by a country mile!”
So much so that we shan’t venture into the exact details of how Spice Radio kicks Playboy’s butt in this family newspaper. Other than to say…

“There's Live! At the Mustang Ranch, which brings listeners into the ‘mystical and magical world of America's leading legal brothel and features candid conversations with the working girls, their customers....and provides intimate insights into the milieu of the world's oldest profession,’ ” Poessiger says. “Or you may want to give Whore Talk a shot. This program is hosted by Sunny Lane, who works at one of the Nevada ranches. Sunny answers questions about her career and ‘gives you a free taste of what so many have paid for.’ ’’

How clever.

“Other fun programming offered on Spice's channel 103 includes Legends of Porn, described as ‘the only show on radio where the host and guest swap old war stories....before they swap spit.’ "

You get the idea.

All of which – somewhat shockingly - breathes new meaning into the axiom about radio being the “theater of the mind,” Poessiger concludes.

Hearne on the street…
Katie bar the door: About veteran KCTV weather wonk Katie Horner…Not only is the street abuzz with word that Channel 5 is not renewing Horner’s contract (allowing her to reek havoc on locals who live in constant fear of stormy weather), there’s other news to report. As in Katie is now footloose and fancy free – as in divorced – and has been spotted on the town late at night in full party mode.

Will she go? Will she stay? Will she find her own true love for a third time right here in the hinterland?

Stay tuned.

The Power & Light District Blues: How many places have gone broke in Kansas City’s taxpayer-subsidized Power & Light District downtown since it opened three years ago?
Let’s see, there’s Famous Dave’s (twice), Ted’s Montana Grill, Bice Bistro, The Peachtree, Vinino, Chef Burger…

But, hey, who’s counting?

Now pencil in the district’s multi-million Irish baby, Raglan Road. The P&L just filed suit against Raglan for more than $600,000 in unpaid rent and says it wants its space back.
Which is rumored as a possible future home for KC Hopps popular O’Dowd’s Little Dublin. O’Dowd’s currently has operations on the Plaza and Zona Rosa.

A manager at the Plaza O’Dowd’s confirmed that KC Hopps was considering a space in the P&L but…

"It might be just a little different concept," he added. "I don't know if it would work to have an O'Dowd's on the Plaza and downtown…(But) I don’t know about that location.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

HOW BAD IS AREA REAL ESTATE MARKET?

Posted 6/20/11

Just how bad is the area real estate market?

While local experts have stated over and again that Kansas City has fared better than many of the quote/unquote bubble markets, there’s spanking new evidence that we too have taken some insufferable marketplace hits.

Case in point.

One of the best known, most prestigious homes in the area – on the Kansas side -just sold recently.

Very recently.

It was listed at $1.6 million - in other words upper bracket. A price/neighborhood frequented by well-heeled folks less likely to be affected by the nuances of a down economy suffered by everyday average Platte Countians.

Right? Wrong!

Make no mistake; this real estate deal was a living nightmare - a total disaster for its wealthy owner.

“You’re not going to believe what happened,” says a real estate agent familiar with the home. “Oh my god, you should see the history of this puppy. At one point it was listed for $5.8 million in 2007. Then it went to $4.9 million in January of 2008. Then in December of 2008 it went to $3.9 million. Then in the summer of 2009 it went to $3.5 million. And in the fall of 2009 it goes to $3 million. And on June 11 2010 it went to $2.5 million, and then on June 23rd they listed it at $2 million.”

Still with me? Hang in there.

Imagine if this had been your home. Proportionately priced, I mean.

“Then in December of 2010 it went to $2.2 million. And then – this is weird – on February 8, 2011 it went to $1.6 million. Then on February 19th they put it back up to $2.5 million. Then in March, Prudential took over the listing the listing, but then on May 23rd they put it on at $1.6 million and it sold.”

Whew!

Now let’s put it all in perspective.

My girlfriend’s house in Topeka was appraised at $185,000 four years back. At which point she had $50,000 in equity in it.

So the home of deceased residential real estate tycoon Jack Frost – described above - plummeted 73 percent in value over the same four year time period.

Were my girlfriend to have sold her house at that same plunge rate, she’d have received a mere $50,000 and change for it.

Oh yeah, and a bill from the mortgage company for another 85 grand!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the sorry state of today’s residential real estate market.

Hearne on the street…
Kansas City’s jazz nightmare: We live in a town that specializes in dishing out lip service to jazz, when in reality, everybody listens to country and rock.

Hey, a legacy is a legacy is a legacy.

But reality bites, right?

Enter legendary KC jazz crooner Marilyn Maye. Kansas City’s Tony Bennett. The lady who holds the record for most appearances on Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show.”
The 83 year-old Maye was slated to appear all this week and Father’s Day at KC jazz club Jardine’s on the Plaza.

Until that is Monday, the day before her string of shows were to begin…

"I've got bad news," says Jardine's owner Beena Brandsgard. "Marilyn's in the hospital. The shows are all canceled. She has three kidney stones."

Maye will survive – as will Jardine’s – but it doesn’t get much more dramatic than to have to cancel five sold-out shows the day before they begin!

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

THE BUZZ REFUSES TO ADVERTISES KANROCKSAS

Posted 6/11/11

Don’t look now but there’s a rock festival war going on…

Not that venerable KC concert promoter Chris Fritz fully understands the nature of it. But after booking the two-day KanRocksas festival at the Kansas Speedway for August 5th and 6th, Fritz was surprised to learn that local Entercom radio station The Buzz would not accept paid ads promoting the show.

The reason: The Buzz has gone into the concert biz and has a one-day festival that ostensibly competes with KanRocksas two weeks later at the new soccer stadium adjacent to the Speedway.

“We’re not trying to compete with them at all,” Fritz says. “But you know, they can do what they want. I do think it’s unfair – it’s not a level playing field.”

Here’s the deal…

While KanRocksas is a far larger, two-day affair, both events feature alternative rock acts such as Muse, The Flaming Lips and Primus. And since Entercom’s Buzz is the one station locally that plays that genre of music, reaching that audience is a high priority for KanRocksas.

But with a tough economy and shows so close together, if fans blow their dough on KanRocksas, might they skip The Buzz show?

“I look at it as two separate things,” Fritz says. “And I would think the audience (for these bands) would be like, ‘Why don’t we ever hear anything about (KanRocksas) and why are they slamming it.”

The latter in reference to a dig at KanRocksas and headliner Eminem that the Buzz ran on its Web saying, “Now, there are a lot of things we would spend 200 bucks on … a high class call girl, a shopping spree at Forever 21 or Valtrex. But camping on a race track, pissin' in a portapotty and watching a white rapper ain't one of 'em...."

In spite of the slight, Fritz says KanRocksas has sold more than 13,000 tickets and will unleash a host of surprises at the festival, starting with its 200-foot wide stage.

Stay tuned…

Hey, sports fans

It’s not easy being a Royals or Sporting Kansas City fan these days.

And with the NFL season hanging fire, it may not get any better this Chiefs season either.
That said, after however many generations of ridiculously bad pro baseball and what looks to be the third gawdawful soccer season in Kansas City, the last thing anybody needs is more idle chatter about the bright future ahead.

A bright future – where the Royals are concerned anyway – that’s been pissed and moaned about for years but has yet to arrive.

Enter Kansas City Star sports columnist Sam Mellinger. The dude who’s taking both Jason Whitlock and Joe Posnanski’s place at the beleaguered daily newspaper.

"Despite Losses, Royals Future Is Still Bright," reads the headline describing Mellinger’s column about the team earlier this week.

Really?

How about stripping off the cheerleader getup and taking a paddle to owner David Glass instead of fanning those false hopes?

Equally bad was Mellinger’s contention that deep-in-last-place Sporting Kansas City’s first home game in its new LiveStrong Park stadium Thursday is “the most important game in the history of Kansas City's Major League Soccer franchise.”

What?

One of, if not the worst, soccer team in MLS for three years in a row and a game that won’t even scratch the surface of getting them out of last place is the most meaningful ever?

Yes, the new stadium is cool. Despite that it’s named after cyclist Lance Armstrong who could be disgraced for steroid usage any day now.

But what about former owner Lamar Hunt’s MLS Cup Championship win in 2000?
Short of a second coming of you-know-whom or an extraterrestrial landing, Thursday’s game couldn’t possibly come close.

Hey, but what can you say when your job is to prop up two of the worst teams in pro sports?

Maria Knew Arnold Was Messing Around
So says Stanford’s comedy club owner Craig Glazer.

Glazer says he met and got to hang with Arnold Schwarzenegger while he was living in LA in the 1990s and hanging with actor friends Sandhal Bergman (from KC) and Sonny Landham (of Predator fame).

“It was in the early 90's, so Arnold was still one of the top film stars on the planet at the time,” Glazer says. “Even though he had been married to Maria Shriver for years, it was clear he openly dated at that time. He spoke and joked about his desires. In fact, he slept with Sandhal during (the filming of the movie) Conan, she admitted to me. "Who wouldn't?" she said to me.

Who, indeed?

“So Arnold's marriage to Maria was already a joke - he openly dated,” Glazer says. “She was never with him for the most part. Early on she realized their marriage was all about him moving up in his career. It was a cruel move on his part, one Maria has had to live with all these years. The stories are too many to tell.

“One that stood out: My KC pal, Jeff Spero's wife was involved with the openings of Planet Hollywood, which Arnold was an owner of. Maria made it clear when the stores opened that they both had to be there. But to put them in separate dining rooms after they walked in together. She knew. Everyone knew.”

Hearne on the street…
There’s a reason we get stuck with all those D-List movie sequels: “Sequels, in the eyes of corporate Hollywood, are like insurance policies,” says KC Confidential movie man Jack Poessiger. “Because the original film opened to good box office grosses and held on for weeks in theatres. And the sequel now has the built-in 'Want to See' factor and more likely than not will open even bigger than the original. Not to mention that the studio already owns the rights to the property.”

Trouble is, like Hangover 2 and worse, the sequels usually suck. Not so the new X-Men however, Poessiger says.

“Filmmaker Michael Bay recently apologized for TRANSFORMERS 2,” Poessiger says. “Sure it was huge in worldwide ticket sales---but pretty lame compared to the original. Bay blamed # 2 on a then-pending strike in Hollywood which allegedly forced him to rush the project through. He's promising a much-improved TRANSFORMERS 3 when it opens here on June 29th. We’ll see!”

See more Hearne and KC Confidential at kcconfidential.com

GARY LEZAK: TORNADO
SEASON ENDS IN FEW DAYS

From 6/1/11 issue

Allow me to save fellow Landmarkers a little money…

Summer is upon us and the movieplexes are beckoning. It’s a right of passage, right?

Now the prickly part.

I know - KC Confidential movie main man Jack Poessiger raved about Hangover 2 last week.

So, for many of you, it’s too late.

But I’m here to tell you – for what it’s worth – Hangover 2 will leave you with an entertainment hangover you will not enjoy. Trust me on this. I mean, what do you have to lose? It’s not like I’m suggesting you skip Christmas.

Remember all those other Hollywood movie sequels that totally sucked?

Well, I’ve got one word for you where Hangover 2 is concerned: Ditto!

At the very least I’m doing you a favor by lowering your expectations before you plunk down your hard-earned jack. Because in my humble opinion – and most of the folks in the packed theater I watched Hangover 2 in – it just wasn’t that funny. Partly because the plot was way too stereotypically close to the hilarious-beyond-belief first Hangover. And partly because it just wasn’t.

And I laughed like an idiot for the Hangover.

So go see it, if you must; but be forewarned. You’ll get some laughs, sure – mostly at the end – but isn’t there a basket weaving class you’ve been itching to take?

Are tornado chasers legit?

There's been no shortage of twister footage on cable news of late...

Not only has CNN run a ton of footage, they've interviewed the storm chasers on camera, casting them as eyewitness experts. Raising the question, are these dudes heroes or merely thrill seekers?

"No, they're not heroes," says KSHB TV weather wonk Gary Lezak. "I would say there are legitimate meteorologists who have a knowledge of what they're doing and understand the science. And then there's a whole lot of thrill seekers who go out there and risk their lives."

Is storm chasing even legal?

Probably not, given the likelihood they're breaking the law by speeding and other violations, Lezak says. Then again, who's gonna wade into the middle of a killer tornado to write 'em a ticket?

Tornado chasing has "increased in the last 30 years," Lezak says. "And in the last three years it's exploded. And now the networks actually pay them. So perhaps storm chasers make a few hundred dollars here and there."

Some storm chasers have likened themselves to Paul Revere - saying they're out to aid the public.

"That's what they all say," Lezak says. "And I do think that's part of their motivation. But I think it's mainly that t

Now a confession... hey're thrill seekers."

"I've been tornado chasing myself about 50 times," Lezak says. "I've seen one tornado up close and I don't want to see any more. I saw it and it ended up chasing me and my brother. It was an EF 3 and it was a perfect funnel - a perfect tornado. My brother wanted me to get out and look at it and I wish I had. But I was so afraid I just kept driving down the road."

Game over
Naturally what everyone wants to know is when this year’s killer tornado season will be over.

Color that now, Lezak says.

"We're still in the same weather pattern but summer always settles in, " Lezak says. And as it gets warmer in June the Jet Stream shifts and this week the tornado season will end. Our tornado season will fade in the next few days."

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out www.kcconfidential.com

The Hangover Part II: Can it beat the original?

From 5/25/11 issue

Guess who didn’t fare too well in the April radio ratings…
News Radio KMBZ, that’s who.

It was the station’s first full month of simulcasting on both 980 AM and sister station KUDL FM’s former signal at 98.1 FM.

KMBZ’s plan: lure lots of new, news-talk listeners on the FM dial. Boost ratings. Attract younger, more affluent listeners. Make lotsa money with less out-of-pocket.

Here’s how things unfolded for adults 25 to 54, Monday through Sunday, 6 a.m. until midnight:

1) The Rock 98.9 FM with a 10.2 share of the listening audience.
2) The Fox KCFX FM with a 7.3 share
3) The Buzz with a 6.6 share
4) Mix 93.3 FM with a 5.7 share
5) Q104 FM with a 5.3 share
6) KCMO-FM with a 5.2 share
7) Funny 102.5 FM with a 4.8 share
8) KPRS FM with a 4.6 share
9) The Vibe with a 4.4 share
10) Sports Radio WHB with a 4.0 share

And where did News Radio KMBZ land?
Back in the No. 19 slot with a 2.6 share.

There’s more…
Not only did KMBZ fail to take off like a rocket it fell far short of last April’s 4.0 share.
And all of this in a month loaded with reasonably sexy, major, breaking news stories both local and national.

“You gotta think about programming changes,” says one radio insider of KMBZ. “Because sooner or later sales are going to follow.”

Jack Goes Confidential: The Hangover

KC Confidential movie man Jack Poessiger’s take on “The Hangover:”

“There's no way they could've improved on the original HANGOVER which became the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time,” Poessiger says. “Who would've foreseen a worldwide theatrical gross of $467 million back in 2009?

“And face it, any follow-up would lose some of the original’s freshness and unexpected shock factor. But I'm here to tell you that THE HANGOVER PART II not only tries really hard, it comes surprisingly close!”

The flip side of that equation:

“Funny and extremely crude throughout, writer, producer and director Todd Phillips tries to out-raunch the raunch factor at every turn. And if he doesn't get it all done within the body of the film, he definitely completes it with the still pictures sprinkled throughout the movie's end-credits. Those brought on the loudest laughs from our screening audience.”

The $64 million question:
“How did they miss out on an NC-17 rating here?” Poessiger puzzles. “What happened in Vegas may have stayed there. But what goes down in Bangkok....is SO WRONG.

The highly anticipated HANGOVER PART II is expected to produce near record breaking box office receipts this holiday weekend, for which I'm raising 3-1/2 out of 5 rebooted fingers.”

Hearne on the street…

The Achilles Heel of print journalism

Would you believe, breaking news?

True story. Sunday’s tornado disaster in Joplin was a news nightmare for the Kansas City Star.

And not just because locals hoping to get their tornado news fix from the Star were pretty much the last to know.

Not only were newspaper readers the last informed, they were also the least and most ill-informed.

Take the Star's money quote and front-page headline Monday: "Joplin Shredded."

" 'I would say 75 percent of the town is virtually gone,' Kathy Dennis of the American Red Cross told CNN."

What's wrong with that picture?

For starters the skeleton newsroom staff the Star fields on weekends did little more than watch TV and read wire copy and repackage it. How valuable is that to subscribers who shell out big bucks?

Worse yet, by cribbing its news from barebones reporting CNN squeezed out Sunday between Mel Gibson and Geraldo specials, the newspaper hung itself out to dry in terms of accuracy.

By morning CNN and others were reporting that only 25 to 30 percent of Joplin - not 75 percent - got decimated.

An embarrassing mistake the Star could have easily avoided. Because rocking with a front page headline from a "worker" in the very early stages of a situation like Joplin was risky at best.

How did Dennis know? Turns out she didn’t.

Thrust like that into the early, out-of-control stages of the worst tornado disaster in Joplin history. Into the dark of night, with limited communications and chaos all about.

If anything's clear about the early reporting on blockbuster news stories, it's this; the early returns are almost certain to be exaggerated or inaccurate.

For more KC Confidential and Hearne, check out kcconfidential.com

So did KMBZ really get a ratings boost?

From 5/11/11 issue

Talk about a rough day at the office…

The one poster dude for the Kansas City Star recent layoffs, movie critic Robert Butler, had one last Monday.

For starters, Butler was the first Star staffer during the newspaper's Layoffs Era to take a double hit. Two years ago he was given the choice of being laid off or taking a 25 percent pay hit, the loss of around 30 days vacation and dialed back benefits.

Butler opted to remain at the Star.

So last week’s pink slip means that Butler's being fired from his part time position.

"That means he has to wait six months before he can freelance any movie reviews for the Star," says a source.

There’s more.

Shortly after learning of his demise, a somber Butler attended a movie screening with other local movie critics for the new Will Ferrell film "Everything Must Go."

Unfortunately, instead of a stress-relieving laugh riot, Butler was thrust head first into a rare serious Ferrell role about a dude who gets fired, his wife dumps him and he loses everything.

Out of the mouths of radio babes…

An email blast to advertisers from NewsRadio KMBZ boasts, "Today we have the facts to prove it! KMBZ AM/FM sees over 25% audience growth in just the first two weeks!"

A bar chart included in the blast shows for persons 12-plus, Monday thru Sunday, KMBZ grew from 178,700 listeners the fourth week of March on AM-only to 231,000 listeners the second week in April broadcasting on 980 AM and 98.1 FM, the former home of KUDL FM.

That's a 29 percent jump!

And in the category of adults 25-54, KMBZ grew from 76,300 listeners the fourth week of March to 95,000 the second week of April, up 25 percent.

Impressive, huh? Not so fast!

"I would hope that when you give up an entire radio station (KUDL) you'd get a 25 percent increase in listeners," says one radio insider. "And they're probably going to get a ratings spike on Bin Laden from last week, too, because news-talk stations generate growth when an event like that happens."

That said, narrowing things down to a single week’s listening does not a trend make.
"Until you see a full month's ratings you don't really know anything other than people are checking them out," says a radio source. "But to claim a victory at this point - to say these are the facts - give me a break!"

On closer examination, KMBZ AM & FM combined is actually below where the station was one year ago!

"In April of last year they had a cumulative (listenership) of 114,400 in adults ages 25-54," the source says. "So in reality, at 95,000 listeners, they're down."

Newspaper blues

This just in...

A post-layoffs depression has descended upon staffers at the Kansas City Star after another dozen or so were laid off last week.

"Everybody is waiting for their turn," says one Star newsie. "We're all bummed and it's like, 'When is it my turn?'

“You look around everywhere and it's so empty. There's nobody around anymore. It's the atmosphere. You come in every day with things looking like a morgue.

"The newsroom looks like it's three fourths empty. It's depressing. It looks horrible. So they're going to move sports downstairs. But to me it'd make more sense to move FYI down there because they work normal business hours and most of the sports people don't come in until the afternoon.

"And they're putting in all new tile floors down in advertising and cleaning and refurbishing everything. But if we don't have any money how can they afford to do that. It just doesn't make sense."

Two dozen more KC Star staffers sliced

From 5/4/11 issue

The three-plus year bumpy economic ride at the Kansas City Star continued along its not-so-merry way on Monday.

Upwards of two dozen staffers were laid off, according to Star publisher Mark Zieman, who blamed the cuts on a faltering economy.

The poster child for this round of cutbacks: longtime Star movie critique Robert W. Butler. Not a big surprise, really.

Butler's been on death row more than two years since then Johnson County Sun columnist Steve Rose fingered him for journalistic extinction in 2008.

Face it. Folks who like to watch movies for free, write about ‘em and get paid for it are an endangered species.

"In-house movie criticism has been deemed expendable by a number of cash-strapped newspaper publishers," David Martin of the Pitch chimed in on Butler's demise.

Ironically, the media conglomerate that hired Martin jettisoned its entire body of local movie critics after purchasing the Pitch in 1999.

So nothing new there.

Longtime Star news reporter Michael Mansur also took a bullet. Mansur, you may recall, teamed with former Star heavy hitter Jeff Spivak in 2007 to design a light rail system for KC based upon streetcars.

Sources say Ink columnist Monica Watrous is among the fallen. As well as copy editor Kevin Catalano, photographer/assignment editor Chris Ochsner and staff photographer Garvey Scott.

The $64 million question: Can the Star's second quarter financials allow it to dodge the next series of quarterly job cuts in July?

The Story of O

Stanford’s comedy club main man Craig Glazer likens the death of Osama bin Laden to another villain from the past.

“Not since Adolf Hitler has the death of one man been so well received by this nation,” Glazer says.

While Glazer applauds bin Laden’s killing, “I'm not sure I agree with the way we handled (his) dead body,” Glazer says. “It’s already started - the conspiracy theories abound. That he never existed or was killed years ago. Or that it wasn't Osama. And on, and on. All because bin Laden’s body is gone. Buried at sea by us! Yes, we have his DNA. We have photos. We have video. But the body is gone. Proof positive of his death has been destroyed. Or has it?”

Starbeams

Speaking of Osama, 99.7 The Point morning host Kelly Urich has hatched the Top 5 Ways to Celebrate The Death Of Bin Laden.

#5. Get back to the serious business of discovering where President Obama was born.

#4. Do what we always do to celebrate in Kansas City...throw a BBQ!

#3. Just go ahead and shoot anyone in your neighborhood who seems suspicious.

#2. Start your own search for the second most dangerous man in the world, Vice President, Joe Biden.

#1. Celebrate like Bin Laden has for 10 years; sit around and get bombed!

Hearne on the street…

Where there’s smoke

About that killer new outdoor patio at Nick & Jake’s in Parkville…

Bowing to Parkville’s new no smoking ordinance, Nick & Jake’s set up and handsomely outfitted a year-round outdoor outdoor patio for smokers.

Just one problem…

Seems the non-smoking, family types returning to Nick & Jakes now that indoor smoking’s gone bye-bye want to party on the new patio, too. Minus the smokers, that is. Stay tuned…

Is Groupon becoming too much of a good thing?

From 4/20/11 issue

Got Groupon?

There’s little doubt that the golden age of discount daily emails is upon us. There’s Groupon, of course, Lucky Monkey, Living Social – to name three.

And hundreds of businesses in Greater Kansas City have taken advantage of Groupon's deal-of-the-day marketing propositions. Spray tans at half off, Lodge of the Four Seasons deals, even $99 memberships to the “Panty of the Month Club” at birdies in the Crossroads.

But contrary to what some say, it’s not just about undermining the value of a product or service by giving away half the farm. In less than two years here, Groupon's become a proven marketing machine capable of presenting offers local simply cannot resist to 300,000 people at a pop.

But we may be nearing a turning point.

As in too much of a good thing.

"A guy from the Star called and they're trying to do it now," says Jardine's jazz club owner Beena Brandsgard. "They're going to launch a separate (Groupon) thing in May. He said there were like 17 of them out there now."

Everybody wants in because it’s an easy sale.

Businesses don’t have to write a check, Groupon takes care of everything. All they do is agree to give buyers half off and let Groupon or whomever keep about half the remaining half.

But with 17 deals of the day going down each and every day, something’s gotta give.

"It's even shifting as we speak," says one area marketing exec with extensive experience in Groupon. "You get six deals now instead of just one with Groupon. So the format of one deal a day is changing already."

Even companies that have had excellent experiences with Groupon are rethinking the proposition.

"Now that the economy is improving, a lot of people are just saying, 'I don't want to do any discounting,' " the exec says. "And because there is so much competition now, Groupon is doing six deals at a time and they're going to run out of businesses. Because you really only should do one or two of these maximum per year.”

As for smaller, local imitators, "I would think that Muncharoo or Lucky Monkey are going to be calling people who have already done a Groupon and they're going to say, no thanks,” the exec says. “People who have tried Groupon and who aren't about to do a lesser service than Groupon and get an even lesser response."

Speaking of which, size does matter in the world of email blast discounting...

Somebody at Groupon messed up and sent Jardine's jazz club’s March Groupon deal to only 15,000 email addresses instead of 150,000, Brandsgard says, So instead of the 1,600 deals she got the first time out, she only got 250 takers. To make up the difference, Groupon sent out a second blast.

Back to the local competition...

Given a choice between Muncharoo or Lucky Monkey and Groupon, "I'm going to do the sure deal," the marketer says. "Why would I go with 30,000 instead of 300,000 with Groupon? And Groupon is starting to discount deals like the smaller players. I just can't see how people like Muncharoo can get a meeting with a business because in all probability somebody at Groupon has called just about every good business here - Groupon's poring over everything.”

How to sic Big Brother on your teen

Answer to the above question: simple, buy a Ford.

“MyKey debuted as a standard feature on the 2010 Ford Focus and is now a no-cost feature on nearly all Ford and Lincoln models,” says KCC car dude Larry Hovick.

“MyKey allows parents to access and set MyKey limits through the vehicle's message center. Meaning that when your teenage vampire inserts a programmed MyKey into the ignition, the system reads the transponder chip in the key and sets the limits on what sort of mayhem your kid can get away with. Or not. It's wickedly Big Brother!”

Indeed…

“One of my favorite MyKey features is tied to the radio,” Hovick says. “Normal operation of the Persistent Ford Belt-Minder® with audio mute will chime every minute for five minutes. But you lucky - and safety smart - parents with MyKey can program the Belt-Minder chime to continue at the regular interval and the audio system will remain muted until the safety belt is buckled. The message center even displays, ‘Buckle Up to Unmute Radio’ on the instrument cluster. So if your teen wants tunes, they gotta buckle up.”

MyKey can also set speed limits, fix the traction control so your kid can’t burn rubber, remind them of the posted speed limits – you name it.

There is one small but vitally important – caveat…

“You have to protect the password with your life from your tech savvy teen!” Hovick says.

Are you ready for some football yet?

It’s April and KC’s cellar dwelling Boyz of Summer still have a long way to go (and guardedly high hopes).

But pigskin lovers don’t have to wait until August for the Chiefs, KC Command arena football is underway. What you missed it?

Unfortunately five games into team's inaugural season there's almost zero buzz.

And it doesn’t help that the Command has won only one game and lost four. Local arena football wasn’t always this way.

In 2006 the KC Brigade packed Kemper Arena for its home opener with a sellout crowd of 16,523.

And while attendance for the Command's recent home opener at Sprint Center went unreported by the KC Star, sources say the Command’s announced a crowd of "5,300 and change" was massively generous.

The reason for the attendance falloff?

"I don't think the Command did a great job marketing that it was back," says one member of the local sports media. "Most people I know were unaware that the franchise had started up again."

And for a second straight week the Star failed to report the Command’s attendance. However team claims of 4,166 people at its second home game last weekend seem dubious. Sure didn’t look that crowded in the photo that accompanied the game day story.

Hey, but with seven home games remaining at Sprint, we’ll see. Meanwhile, we’ve still got the T-Bones, right?

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

Mark, Gloria were an interesting City Hall pair

From 4/13/11 issue

Talk about dirty politics…

As the sun sets on KC mayor Mark Funkhouser’s lone term atop the local political slag heap, author, former Pitch reporter and political aide Joe Miller had basically two things to say. The first being that he’s sorry and feels bad about throwing Funk and First Lady Gloria Squitiro under the bus during the couple’s fall from grace two years ago.

“I really loved Gloria,” Miller says. “We hit it off right off the bat, and she didn’t hesitate to make me feel like I was part of her family. She invited me over for Christmas. For my wedding, she bought my wife and me a set of All-Clad pots and pans from Williams-Sonoma – very high quality, very expensive. She gave great hugs. And she had a wonderful sense of humor. She and I would say outrageous stuff all the time and just laugh and laugh and laugh.”

Squitiro also gave interesting advice…

“I got married right before Funk got elected. Gloria loved to give me marital advice, most of which my wife told me to ignore,” Miller says. “For instance, she told me to begin every day by giving my wife 15 reasons why I am lucky to have her. I tried it a couple of times, and we both agreed that it was nice but painfully awkward. Most of her advice could be a simple edict: Acquiesce to your wife on everything.”

Some of the reasons for Miller’s penance:

“I quit during a trying time,” he says. “I was overly cooperative with ‘the enemy’ during my deposition for the famed Mammygate case and I spilled all kinds of newsworthy secrets. And, unsatisfied with that, I went on something of a media tour on which I spoke very candidly about everything I knew about the mayor and his wife.”

But then, “After months of ripping Gloria and Funk online and on the occasions when I would wind up on the news, I realized how ridiculous the whole thing was, and I pulled back,” Miller says.

On second thought…

I asked Miller if he thought Funk might have been able to deliver the goods on his “city that works” pledge four years ago if he’d left Gloria at h-o-m-e with Maria the Poodle.

"My sense is to say no," Miller says. "But if he didn't have her up there and got rid of me and Kendrick Blackwood and got someone who knew politics instead, maybe. But he's a real uncooperative guy."

Funk got off to a shaky start and developed enemies from the get-go, Miller says.

Funk was under contract to write an auditing book when he took office “and he was supposed to have finished it between the end of the campaign and the time he entered office,” Miller says. “But he was too tired. So when he got into office he was like, 'Oh (damn), I've got to finish this book' - and he wanted the money. So he wasn't around that much his first month in office, he was home writing the book. I mean, he'd come in during the afternoons but it was real frustrating for all of us."

Then came Funk’s newfound enemies on the City Council…

“I don't know, the council is weird,” Miller says. “The council attracts people that are - you know - a little self-interested. So you can't lay it all at Mark's feet because he came into office with four experienced council members. All of who were very experienced at City Hall politics and at (screwing) people over - and all of who wanted to be mayor pro tem.

"And Mark could only appoint one of them, so the other three started working against him and they were real good at it - Ed Ford, Terry Riley and John Sharp."

Sex & the City

That brings us to the, uh, tawdry part of Miller's tale…

As in talk that Hizzoner and the First Lady had sex in the mayor's office. True or false?

True, Miller says.

"Gloria told me they did, yeah," Miller says. "She said that was one of the first things she insisted they do and he was real nervous about it. But they were both real open about (sex)."

Find out what else is happening on KC Confidential @ kcconfidential.com

Craig Glazer explains how too many is too many

From 4/6/11 issue

It’s been a kinda rough week on KC Confidential for the politically correct…

Starting with a column by Stanford & Sons comedy club owner Craig Glazer about the travails of dating six to seven women at the same time and living to tell the story.

No kidding.

For better and for worse I am an eyewitness to what passes for Glazer’s magic touch with the female persuasion. But lest I bite off more than I actually want to chew, I’ll let him explain it.

“So you want to have a ton of girlfriends, eh?” Glazer says. “Most men do. That's why they want to be some sort of star or wealthy or both. Oh, we want the dough all right, but mostly because it gives us a longer shot at being in demand with the ladies. Looks certainly help but women love a guy who's an 'it' man - be it local or national.”

Enough of the tame stuff…

“Now let's take a gander inside the life of a guy who for years has had a stable or bullpen of girlfriends – me,” Glazer says. “But before the haters unleash themselves, let me say this; when I was in committed relationships I was loyal. For real. However during most of my adult life I have not been in long-term relationships.”

Tempting as it may (or may not) sound, it ain’t easy, Glazer cautions.

“On one hand you're not stuck with that one special someone to lord over. On the other, you've got all these different people who drive you crazy,” Glazer says. “So I get the calls. ‘Craig, man, guess what? My mom got in a wreck - I don't know what to do. The car is in the shop, she's in the hospital and boy, you won't believe what happened -now the one hour story.

"Next comes the call from Girl No. 2.

‘Hi, I pulled up to the store minding my own business and you won't believe it’ - yes I will – ‘a guy came outta nowhere, hit my car, major damage and then he took off, can you....’

“Then Girl No. 3.

‘I've called you all week, you never answer, are you avoiding me? I'll call work and you left me a voice mail that you were at work, but then they said you weren't.’

“Love those.

“Now Girl No. 4:

‘My boyfriend got fired from his job and we are so broke. Any chance you could give me a part time job or ...’

“Girl No. 5.

‘You always want me to come over and hang with you late at night - I have a kid and she needs to be looked after - don't you know how hard that is?’

“The great thing is when they all call in on the same day with their problems,” Glazer says. “And those problems never end. Ever. Young or in their 30's or 40's, it's problem city every day. One, after another, after another. And they look at you like a deer in the headlights and want you to solve their problems. But what can I do? Hit a button and say, ‘Your mom's not an alcoholic.’ "

Why not just settle down and lead a – dare I suggest – “normal life”?

“Because it always dies out, doesn't it?” Glazer counters. “Relationships are tough and don't last. Some of you will say, ‘Well, if you find the right girl.’ I have before and it still didn't go the distance.

“By the way, the girls I was serious about have never been strippers or worse, ever. Yes, I've dated female lawyers, nurses, and women with their own businesses who didn't need my financial aid. They still drove me nuts.”

“E” for Exasperated

It’s been years since political consultant Tracy Thomas lived on the Missouri side of State Line…

Which isn’t to say she doesn’t recognize a good tax from a bad one. And in the case of KC’s landslide-approved E-Tax, Thomas, Thomas views it as being the latter.

Unfortunately for voters, Thomas didn’t blow the lid off of E-Tax perpetrators until the day before the election. That after commenters on KC Confidential bagged on Thomas for claiming that TIF tax break recipients are not exempt from the E-Tax.

So Thomas did her homework…

“Sorry boys, you’re wrong,” Thomas says. “TIFs are exempt from the E-Tax. According to the Director of Finance for KCMO, Randall Landes, all TIF’s include a rebate of the E-tax.

Regular TIF’s are eligible for up to 50% of their increment - meaning the new income over what the property used to generate - and Super TIF’s get up to 100% of the E-Tax rebated.”

There’s more…

“And get this,” Thomas continues. “Employees of those projects still remit the 1% E-Tax, but it's then rebated back to their bosses/business owners and are earmarked to pay off their bonds, e.g. the cost of building or remodeling.

“So while the suckers pay, big business ‘whiners and diners’--do not. They get back their property tax, sales tax and E-Tax--to expand their businesses.”

That the issue was not brought to voter’s attention was surprising to Thomas until she talked to KC Star political columnist Steve Kraske.

“He told me Friday, that the E-Tax diversion was news to him,” Thomas says. “Like most people, Kraske thought TIF’s were merely about recapturing and investing property taxes and sales taxes.”

Uh, think of it as the one that got away…

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com.

Change coming to Nick and Jake's

From 3/30/11 issue

One of the last frontiers for smokers – Nick & Jake’s in Parkville - is about to change horses…

As of April 1st there’ll be no more smoking at Nick & Jake’s. Inside the restaurant, that is. A ventilated, heated and air conditioned patio will allow patrons to smoke ‘em if they got ‘em still, as Parkville joins the list of cities banning smoking in restaurants and bars.

“Prior to that all the communities around Parkville had gone non smoking,” says Nick & Jake’s owner Kevin Timmons. “So all of the smokers migrated here.”

Which proved to be a mixed blessing…

On one hand, it brought Nick & Jake’s hundreds of new customers. Smoking customers that is. On the other, some of the eatery’s family faithful were unhappy, even though smokers were isolated from nonsmokers.

But that was then…

“What we’re going to do is create a living room outside with living room type furniture, “ Timmons says. “Like very California, Phoenix, Scottsdale-looking patio furniture. And it will be partially enclosed.”

Net result: “We want families to know that it’s safe to come back in the water,” Timmons says. “But smokers will have a place to go too – just not in the restaurant.”

Parkville’s smoking ban goes into effect April 7.

If Timmons had it to do over, he might have gone no-smoking two years ago when restaurants were given the option of a two-year delay on the ban.

“The upside of keeping smoking is we got to meet a lot of new people,” Timmons says. “The downside is we lost a lot of families with kids and we want to get them back. We’re not sure that we made the right decision.”

Translation: Nick & Jake’s deal with the devil is o-v-e-r.

The Awful Truth

So what did we learn from KU’s “heartbreaking loss” in the Elite Eight?

“Follow sports for fun or money, not to win titles,” says KC Confidential’s Craig Glazer. “Kansas City just isn't - and never will be - title town. We live in the Midwest, players think it's boring here. Our sports media is weak kneed. And the city is way too conservative - do-gooders to the max. So we don't win much and nobody outside of here really much gives a damn.”

Glazer remembers the good old days, when people fought over Chiefs season tickets in divorces and Chiefs jerseys were among the best sellers in the NFL.

In other words, he has a long memory.

“We haven't been in a Super Bowl for nearly half a century and a quarter century for a World Series,” Glazer adds. “Maybe Bill Self won't win another national championship. When we won the World Series did you think it would take a lifetime to win another?

Glazer’s bottom line: KC just doesn’t have any truly big time teams to root for anymore.

“The Chiefs? Come on now. The Royals? Great farm system -again. And KU is a long shot now for the near future, but they are about the only team that might get there before we all die. So let's all find something more important to bitch about.”

That’s the spirit!

Not to be unduly optimistic…

The jury's in...

“Former Kansas City Star sports columnist Jason Whitlock is kinda, sorta employed - but just by a sports website, Fox Sports,” Glazer says. “This is not the big time spot the once powerful Kansas City sports broker once held.

Jason was THE MAN, on the Kansas City sports scene.”

No mas…

“Nearly a year after he left Kansas City, silence,” Glazer says. “You don't see Whitlock. You don't hear Whitlock. You don't really read Whitlock... well, anywhere.

“He's never on radio except once in a blue moon when Nick Wright - who he doesn't really like Jason - brings him on for a segment or two.

On Jason's last 610 Sports interview he told us he liked LA where he lives now, because nobody bothers him there. Well - hello - nobody knows or cares who he is there. Duh.”

KC was where Big Sexy’s insatiable appetite for Gates barbecue and caustic comments were appreciated and now missed, Glazer says.

“Come on now, its kinda boring without him, isn't it?” Glazer says. “For example the KC Star wrote almost nothing about Marty Schottenhiemer taking the head coaching post for a minor league football team. Whitlock would have had a field day with that one.”

Win some, lose some

Talk about killing two birds with a single stone…

Entercom Kansas City did the unthinkable Monday and killed off legendary radio chick magnet KUDL FM at 98.1 on the FM dial. The company also dropped its so-called “Gen X” music format on 99.7 FM (the former home of the classic rock station known as KY) and is attempting to lure lady listeners between the ages of 25 and 49 to a new format called The Point.

So that’s that.

Meanwhile back at the O.K. Corral, beginning today Entercom will simulcast news radio 980 KMBZ AM on the KUDL’s 98.1 FM signal.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. At long last Rush Limbaugh in stereo!

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

From 3/23/11 issue

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

Summer lineup set at Sandstone

From 3/16/11 issue

Don’t look now but the Dean of the Kansas City concert scene Chris Fritz is back…

In these trying economic times, with cutthroat competition lurking all around, Fritz and his accomplice Josh Hunt are returning to the venue known as Capitol Federal Park@Sandstone for a fab fourth summer season.

“We’ve got a great schedule lined up,” Fritz says. “But we’re starting a little later this year – we’re not trying to do April or May shows anymore. We’re not starting until July 6th with the Warped Tour.”

Fritz declined to reveal this year’s lineup but three of the shows being worked on include the band 311 and another Dream Concert with top shelf Rolling Stones, Bob Seger, Journey and AC/DC cover bands).

New this year; a Parrot Party, with bands channeling Jimmy Buffet, Beach Boys & Bob Marley.

“It should be fun,” Fritz says. “Because Buffet’s going to be coming here in April – it obviously sold out in a minute. And Sprint is an excellent arena but you know, when Jimmy Buffet does an event outdoors, it’s a whole different event.”

Tickets for either show for $20 per.

Sandstone’s piece de resistance: The Rock Star Passes.

From now until April 15th you can purchase a season ticket to all Sandstone shows, VIP parking and entry into its VIP Club.

“We started this last year before the season was even announced,” Fritz says. “And this year for 250 bucks they’re going to get a killer value. Put it this way, if they bought VIP parking, that’s $20. If they want to go into the VIP Club, that’s an additional $20. Then if the average ticket is $40, that’s $80 for one show. This way if you go to three shows it pays for itself. And if we do 12 shows, it really pays for itself.”

Speaking of which, the magic number of shows at Sandstone this summer?

“I think 10 for sure,” Fritz says. “And if something really great happens we could do 14. But 10’s a safe number and we already have nine booked and 7 more we’re waiting on.”

When chicks hate it, it's a bad chick flick

From 3/9/11 issue

It’s that time of year again…

And while yes, I am talking about March madness, I’m not talking about the March Madness. I’m referring to a little known holiday that passes for the male version of Valentine’s Day.

First a warning; before reading further, know that this item is for mature audiences only.

Now travel back in time with me five years to the then healthy pages of the Kansas City Star. And a column I wrote about an actual national holiday called Steak and BJ Day.

Rather than fully spelling it out for you, let’s relive that column and Raoul’s Velvet Room owner Shawn McClenny’s, uh, revelation.

"We've got a group of about 20 people who make a (dinner) reservation every year," McClenny told me "And every single one of the guys always has a steak. And (last year) was the third year that we've heard about it.”

"It" being the operative word.

“The date of this holiday is March 14, one month to the day after Valentine's Day.”

Don’t believe me?

A Google search will confirm how commonplace this holiday was and remains today.

I kid you not.

Raoul's server Whitney Nichols' told the tale.

"There was a bunch of couples who all ordered steaks, and I didn't know why they were here, so I asked them," she told me then. "I thought it was odd. The men ordered steaks, and the women didn't. I asked them what they were going to have for dessert, and they said they were going to have their dessert at home."

The revelers' appearance was benign. "Just normal businesspeople and their wives," Nichols said.

McClenny's carefully worded overview: " The women get chocolates and cuddly on Valentine's Day, and on March 14 the men get their steak and their stress relief."

There you have it. To win steak dinners for two at Jardine’s on the Plaza and Raoul’s in Overland Park go to kcconfidential.com.

See this at your risk

Every red-blooded American boy gets stuck having to endure the odd chick flick or Yanni concert.

It’s a right of passage, right?

For me last year it was Sex in the City II. I really didn’t want to go but, you know, Ivan didn’t want to go alone and…

The chick flick bullet to dodge this year appears to be the new 3D docu/musical Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance.

By the way, I paid my dues on the live version of this a handful of years back with my mother-in-law. at Kemper Arena.

As for the movie, “I so very much wanted to love this movie,” KC Confidential’s Tracy Thomas says. “Sorry.”

 You know it’s a bad chick flick when chicks hate it.

“Blessedly, it will be a limited engagement,” Thomas continues. “Who could love this?  Dancers?  Fans of ballet - since that is half the performance? Irish fanatics? People who don’t mind that the idiot cameraman cut off the view of their feet--which is, of course, the whole point of Irish step dance--OR ballet?  People who love a birds-eye view from the rafters?  And yes, people of a certain age - as in old age - who can stomach seeing a sweaty Flatley take off his shirt and wave those flabby old arms!”

Thomas bottom line: “If you must, take your teenage girls, but you’ve been warned.”

Dissing Lance Armstrong and the soccer team formerly known as Wizards

If you haven’t been to the Legends in KCK in a few months, don’t look now but there’s a killer new stadium going up.

Therein will play Kansas City’s Major League Soccer team, the newly renamed Sporting Kansas City.

And in what passes for earth shattering news in a town that slaps microscopically small aquariums (Crown Center) and measly $1 million donations (Union Station) on the front page of the local paper, cyclist Lance Armstrong’s charity winning the naming rights to said soccer stadium is titanicly huge.

“That's right, instead of cashing a hefty check and slapping a for-profit corporate logo on the side, Sporting KC brass decided to hype Lance Armstrong's charitable, cancer-fighting organization,” reports KCC’s Matt Donnelly. “For free.

“And get this, not only does LIVESTRONG not pay Sporting KC a dime, but a portion of ALL STADIUM REVENUES will help fund the nonprofit effort to fight cancer.”

The exact rationale for the unprecedented stadium naming rights deal remains unclear, but Donnelly suspects it may have something to do with SKC’s owners involvement with Cerner, a local health care information technology company.

“Remember, this is the (team that) worked Asclepius, the Greek god of medicine and healing, into the new Sporting KC logo,” Donnelly reminds. “Regardless of what your theory is about the motives of SKC in this creative partnership, you can count on the fact that this isn't just a pub grab.  No, this is strategic and long term.  Not only for SKC, but for Cerner as well.  Remember, not long ago there was talk of another huge Cerner office building going in somewhere in Village West.  Perhaps a cancer center?  A LIVESTRONG Sporting Park Cerner Center for the Eradication of Cancer perhaps?  Complete with a state of the art venue to hold conferences where the leading cancer researchers come in and get to play around with the newest technology for fighting the disease?  And big benefit shows?  You bet.”

KU should skip Big 12 Tourney

So says, KCC rabble rouser Craig Glazer.

“There's nothing in this tournament for KU,” Glazer says. “Nothing good. They can only get someone hurt or lose an early game to jeopardize their No 1 spot in the NCAA Tournament. Maybe in cases like KU's they should be allowed to forfeit because it can only hurt them. They have nothing to prove and whatever they eventually may prove will come in the Big One, the Dance, March Madness.”

As for the National Championship, it’s KU’s to win or lose, Glazer says.

If KU's stopped, we all know what the reason will be; average point guard play and just above average defense,” Glazer says.

With the Star, you got it, you cancel it, you still got it

From 3/2/11 issue

The exodus continues…

It’s one thing to capture the imagination of the marketplace and deliver straight up news and views to your constituents. Small town and regional newspapers have been doing that – for what? – centuries.

But when the Monopoly game is over and you’ve captured the flag for large metropolitan areas such as the Kansas City Star and other corporate-owned news media have, the game changes.

Handsomely paid people assume positions of power with little accountability, other than financial profits. When the profits are healthy, the problems few, all systems are go.

That, ladies and gentlemen, has defined the daily newspaper biz for half a century.

No mas.

These days the worldwide web, an economy that bows to few and political polarization have combined to render newspaper monopolies of yesteryear yesterday’s news. Hence the drumbeat of high profile cutbacks and layoffs that have taken the Star from more than 2,000 employees a decade ago to probably closer to 500 today. Count me among the casualties.

Enter Bottom Line Communications publisher John Landsberg and his stunning confession this past week…

“I have officially cancelled my subscription to the Kansas City Star,” the local media watchdog writes. “In my wildest dreams I never thought it would come to this, but if any place on earth deserves to lose a loyal customer of more than 20 years it is the Star.

“Not only has the actual news product declined over the years, the newspaper also feels it deserves a generous rate increase. What business model features increased prices and reduced quality and hopes to survive?”

While that’s tough to argue, it’s also kind of sad.

And not just because hundreds were caught up in the ongoing layoffs. At a time when the flow of information is at the highest historic levels ever, it’s ironic that the giants of the industry are dropping like flies.

For newspapers like the Star to rise to the monopolistic levels they have, hundreds – probably thousands – of small, independent media outlets had to bite the dust. In some cases they were run or forced out of business in Pac Man-like fashion.

Ironically, the current ongoing decimation of giants like the Star may very well set the stage for smaller, more local, more passionate media to fill the void.

Kind of a reverse osmosis of news and opinion.

Exit strategies

You got it, you cancel it, you still got it.

One might assume it’s easy to breakup with the Kansas City Star. You know, cancel your subscription.

One would be incorrect…

“If you gave the Star your credit card number it simply automatically renewed your subscription at its latest rate,” Landsberg says. “If you did not notify the Star that you wanted to cancel your newspaper, the paper had carriers simply continue to deliver it. At that point ruthless Star customer service people would begin calling. If you did not renew the paper they still claimed you owed them for papers delivered after your subscription expired---even though you didn't want them… One (might) assume most people simply chose to have their subscription extended. However, the Star simply dropped that option about a year ago.”

For years Theater League main man Mark Edelman engaged in a cat-and-mouse game with the Star. Edelman would allow his subscription to drop, the Star would pursue him with discount offer-after-offer and Edelman would finally take the paper up on its fire sale prices.

Until he allowed his subscription to again lapse and begin the courtship anew.

“I cancelled the Star about a year ago,” says Westport businessman Bill Nigro. “And they called and offered me some special rates at less than what I was paying.”

Nigro caved for a while but these days he gets his newspaper jollies intermittently, secondhand from neighbors.

“I think on our block in Overland Park, only half the people get it that used to,” Nigro says. “Out of maybe 20 houses, six may get the Star.”

Does he miss it?

“Eh, I still read it online some,” Nigro says.

“I cancelled the Star after the August primaries last year,” says former Shawnee councilwoman Tracy Thomas. “Because they so miserably covered the local political scene. I’d already given up on them covering Johnson County news in general.

“They’d gotten rid of so many Joco reporters that there was no news hole and the zones were little more than the school lunch menus.”

These days, “The only reason I’m taking the Sunday paper is I got a $19 Groupon for 26 Sundays,” Thomas says. “And just like Bottom Line says, I’m monitoring when that ends because if I don’t cancel at the end of the 26 weeks, they’ll automatically renew my subscription and charge my credit card. And that’s sleazy business.”

Thomas has no intention of submitting to the telephone hijinks and harassment, Edelman endured.

“When I called to cancel, a woman in circulation argued with me,” Thomas says. “She said, ‘Aren’t you going to miss the coupons?’ And I said, ‘No, Jo-Ann and Michaels already email their coupons to me. Is that all you’re worth?

“Tell your bosses what I’m missing and going to continue to miss is the coverage of Johnson County news. And I don’t understand why they’re obsessed with publishing national news a day late in the A section. After I already heard it on CNN.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

Tony Botello feels remorse over Funk

From 2/23/11 issue

Take my word for it, nobody – nobody – spanked Kansas City mayor Mark Funkhouser and First Lady Gloria Squitiro harder the past four years than KC Confidential hit man Tony Botello.

Not even the Kansas City Star. Though, hey, it tried.

So who better to dance on the controversial first couple’s newly dug grave after Tuesday’s election defeat?

Right? Wrong!

Forget about what the Funk’s gonna do when the mayor’s gig’s up, how in the world is Tony gonna make it through week after dreary week with no Funk and Gloria to chainsaw?

"You know, I haven't had a chance to think about that yet,” Botello muses. "They say you're either filled with regret or filled with remorse after an opponent is vanquished. And I feel remorse because he was never my enemy. But now I won't have the circus to watch. It was never personal to me and I feel sorry because it was just a bad accident for Kansas City."

Now try this one on for size…

Without Gloria, Funk would have done a pretty good job, Botello says.

"It would have been what everybody was hoping for," he says. "And that's why there's remorse. Because Gloria was his Achilles heel because she brought down somebody that could have been a legend. She was his Achilles heel - which is kind of funny - because of the barefoot thing."

The Grrrl with the Pink Hair

One of the most emotional election results Tuesday went down when I confirmed to Kansas City 6th District at Large city council candidate Tracy Ward that she had indeed made the cut and would proceed to the finals next month.

Ward, who just happens to sport pink hair, has spoken out against Kansas City’s one percent earnings tax and red light cameras and will go up against departing KC councilwoman Cathy Jolly’s husband (although, oddly, the Star didn’t bother to mention that detail in its recent candidate sum up).

“Pardon me,” Ward sobbed upon learning of her ascension. “I’m just, wow! I guess I did go in there and shake things up, didn’t I?”

Ward was a surprise winner – to some - over former KC councilman Chuck Eddy. But not to Ingram’s magazine editor Jack Cashill.

“Well, the people in that district hate (Eddy),” Cashill says. “Don’t say hate, but remember that Red Bridge deal?”

And to think, only four years back Eddy was poised to become Kansas City’s next mayor…

“Yeah, right,” Cashill quips.

As for Ward’s chances of beating Jolly’s hubby, “It’ll be difficult , but why not,” Cashill says. “She’s the only candidate in any of the races with pink hair.”

The $64 million question: will Ward take the gloves off?

“I may have to,” she says.

Oscar Madness Gone Crazy

Just in time for Sunday’s Oscars awards ceremony, AMC’s Mainstreet Theater downtown has hatched a 24-hour Movie Marathon of the 10 Best Picture nominees - showing back-to-back, KC Confidential’s Jack Poessiger reports.

That’s right, all you have to do is call in sick and hide from your friends and family starting this Saturday morning at 10 a.m.

The madness kicks off with Toy Story 3 and wraps on Sunday morning with The King's Speech at 7:05 a.m.

A mere $50 pays for a pass that covers the entire 10 nominated movie experience.

“But wait, there's more!” Poessiger pants. “You'll also receive a free $20 AMC Gift Card for concessions during this 24-hour movie extravaganza.

And, you don't have to stay for the entire screening schedule. Your pass entitles you to leave and re-enter the theatre at your own discretion.

“In other words, if you want to miss Inception and The Social Network showing in the middle of the night but want to return for The King's Speech on Sunday morning, you can.”

Here's the complete Mainstreet Theater marathon schedule for the 10 Best Picture nominees:

* 10 a.m.---TOY STORY 3 (103 minutes)

* 12 p.m.---127 HOURS (95 minutes)

* 2 p.m.----THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT (106 minutes)

* 4:15 p.m.----TRUE GRIT (110 minutes)

* 7:15 p.m.----THE FIGHTER (116 minutes)

* 9:45 p.m.----WINTER'S BONE (100 minutes)

* 11:45 p.m.---BLACK SWAN (109 minutes)

* 2 a.m.----INCEPTION (148 minutes)

* 4:45 a.m.----THE SOCIAL NETWORK (121 minutes)

* 7:05 a.m.----THE KING'S SPEECH (119 minutes)

That still leaves time to grab a shower, hustle to church and confess your cinematic addiction.

Hearne on the street…

Grooving with the jazz vote:

Can charismatic mayoral candidate Sly James slip past development attorney Mike Burke?

He already has in the heart of local jazz crooner extraordinaire David Basse.

“I’ve known Sly a long time and I love him,” Basse says. “He’s a good cat, is what they say in my business.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out KC Confidential.com

Things just aren't the same in Westport

From 2/18/11 issue

Things just haven’t been the same in Westport since the Power & Light District opened…

What was once the area’s mightiest party zone has taken a distant backseat to former KC mayor Kay Barnes red ink machine downtown. That said, the problems with massive crowds of what are politely referred to as urban youths have dwindled. Not that they’ve gone totally away.

A pair of high profile crimes – a recent shooting where three were wounded two weeks back and the one-punch-fight death of 24 year-old Brian Euston last fall have continued to tarnish Westport’s image.

But one of Westport’s two “black” nightclubs, Karma closed last month. And now, sources say, the landlord will not be renewing the lease later this year of the remaining urban club, America’s Pub. The club outside of which Euston met his end last October.

Could be the start of a comeback for the hometowners in midtown.

Jack goes on vacation

When he’s not reviewing movies or nosing around radio stations, KC Confidential’s Jack Poessiger doubles as a travel agent dude with Shelton Travel.

Which brings us to the part of this column where he has some bad news for the traveling bears.

Prices are going up, up, up!

“The travel outlook is definitely up for the rest of the year and so are the prices for the spring and summer travel seasons,” Poessiger says. “Just try and get an airline deal for popular (warm) destinations during spring break. Most of those were snapped up way before Christmas.”

Now the money quote…

“The airlines have implemented five consecutive fare hikes since December and made them stick,” Poessiger says. “And fuel surcharges are starting to re-enter ticket pricing.”
Even discount leader Southwest Airlines “is beginning to fall in line with the price hikes,” he adds. “They even led a recent hike which all competing carriers immediately followed.”

It's a simple case of supply and demand ...

“More people wanting to fly with less available capacity = fewer discounted seats higher fares.

And the same holds true for hotel room pricing which also has been creeping up moderately during the past several months. Even hotel-overloaded Las Vegas has been able to increase room rates from its 2009-2010 lows.

“Oh, and if you haven't rented a car lately, prepare yourself for a few more sticker shocks.”

Next up: Look for airlines to find subtler ways to stick it to travelers with things like check-in charges, talking to an agent, carry-on bags and – shudder – use of the in-flight toilet.

That’s right, when it comes to the almighty buck, nothing is sacred!

Boulevard Brewery’s Chocolate Ale Gold Rush

If you haven’t been able to wrap your lips around a glass of Boulevard Brewery’s wildly popular Valentine’s Day brewsky, chocolate ale, chances are you never will.

Not this year, anyway.

The limited supply has come and mostly gone, leaving in its wake a monster buzz and questions as to when it may or may not return.

In the meantime, KC Confidential and Gen X radio’s Kelly Urich has compiled the “Top 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Chocolate Ale” (besides where to find it).

#5. It makes you drunk dial someone in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

#4. Your belch smells like a Russell Stover store.

#3. Hosni Mubarak agreed to step down if he got a free case.

#2. If worn as cologne, you can completely skip the foreplay.

And

#1. It's made by Boulevard but somehow leads to getting Busch!

For more Hearne and KC Confidential, check out KCConfidential.com

About that Whitlock vs. Posnanski rivalry

From 2/2/11 issue

Hey, sports fans!

Kansas City’s had its share of sports rivalries over the years. The Kansas City Royals and the New York Yankees. The Chiefs and the Raiders. Jason Whitlock and Joe Posnanski.

That’s right, those two clowns who used party with me at 18th and Grand in the pages of the Kansas City Star. Oh and make no mistake, there was indeed a sibling rivalry between the effusive Joe and the erosive Jason.

Jason got a sports radio show, then Joe got one. Jason got big raises. Joe wanted them. Jason wrote sports columns waaaay longe r than  what had been the standard Star column. Joe wrote ‘em even longer. Joe played the good cop, Jason the bad.

And to my knowledge, nobody ever stumbled onto the pair hugging it out in the newspaper’s basement (like a certain FYI editor I know).

I digress…

With the economy in the tank and staff and paycheck downsizing running rampant at the Star, Posnanski bailed in late 2009 for an equally uncertain financial future at Sports Illustrated.  Then Whitlock went out ugly last summer and is now mired in blogger limbo with Fox Sports.

That’s not to say that the rivalry has died. Quite the contrary.

Enter Esquire magazine writer Chris Jones…

Jones, who presumably doesn’t have a dog in this now long distance fight, took a stab at breathing life into the rivalry recently. As if by accident.

“The secret to Joe Posnanski’s success—apart from his incredible industry; the man brushes his teeth and a blog falls out—is that Joe is one of those rare writers who lets you in…” Jones writes. “We’re lucky that Joe Posnanski chose writing, or that writing chose him, or that choosing had nothing to do with it.”

Clearly, Jones is quite smitten.

Now let’s move forward in time a bit - from Jones’ January 21 love letter to JoPo to his January 24 “How To Be A Professional Writer” essay.

“Sadly, among sportswriters especially, our most famous members are our loudest, not necessarily our best,” Jones writes. “Nobody knows Gary Smith to look at him. And so kids see a picture of Jason Whitlock with an Asian transvestite hooker on his lap in a club, and they think they have to be like Jason Whitlock to make it.

“Well, here’s the stone-cold truth, kids: Jason Whitlock has no soul. He’s neither a good reporter nor a good writer. He’s a bloviator who’s somehow carved out a niche for himself as a kind of anti-establishment figure by making references to The Wire and pretending he’s the second coming of Ralph Wiley, when Ralph Wiley would be  mortified to be associated with Whitlock’s brand of self-serving buffoonery.”

That’s quite a shot at the dude who went on local radio and cable TV last summer and bragged about the Star almost making him sports editor while outing the newspaper’s current editor for having an affair with the now former Star editor.

Got that? OK, back to Jones JoPo tribute…

“Journalism, for whatever reason, tends to attract hard nuts,” Jones writes. “Drinkers, carousers, tellers of tall tales. Most writers aren’t nearly as brave as they might seem, but we put on a pretty good show. Most of us are trying to live up to Ernest Hemingway or Norman Mailer or John Updike; most of us harbor fantasies of living forever through our words, but also through that legendary night we stabbed our wife or ran for mayor or shot a hippo.

“The truth is, most of us know that we’re phonies.”

Suffice it to say, this round goes to the guy who still has the paycheck, Posnanski. However it’s clear that somehow, some way, these two former sports stablemates seem manifestly destined to be forever intertwined and compared.

May the man with the most journalistic toys win.

Sex Sellout

Yawn. Brace yourselves Kansas City, it’s that time of year again. Valentine’s Day is upon us, and what’s left of Kansas City’s alternative newspaper, The Pitch, is about to foist another “sex” issue on an uncaring public.

What is this anyway, the young adult equivalent of a Playboy magazine hidden under someone’s bed? Is there anybody halfway hip and/or successful over the age of 18 in need of the kinda information the Pitch says it offers? Check it out:

“Every February, The Pitch's Sex Issue explores how Kansas City, you know, does it,” it reads.

Yeah, we do know. That’s why we’re far more interested in candy or chocolate that a dumbed-up “sex survey” that asks questions like…

Hey, wait a minute. Just when I was about to immerse myself in the burning sex questions of the day and take the Pitch’s sex test on its Web site, what do I get? The following message is what: “The survey Pitch - Sex Survey is currently Not Active.”

Next lifetime, dudes.

Everybody’s doing it: Amazon, eBay, Google, Facebook, Twitter… Seems like every year or so we come upon the latest, greatest, life-changing gadget from the toy chest known as the worldwide web. This past year it was Groupon, an email blast signup sheet that sends out Deals of the Day daily. Half off at Jardine’s jazz club or cheap seats at KU football or Royals games – yoga lessons, bikini waxes -you-name-it.

But now everybody wants in on the action. There’s Lucky Monkey, Living Social, Muncharoo and now, ladies and gentlemen, our hip, horny friends at the Pitch.”

“Coming Soon!” reads the teaser ad on its Web site. “Voice Deal of the Day. Presented by Pitch. 50-90% Off. Click here to sign up.”

That’s right. Why should you have to go out and hunt down the advertising when you can sign up and the advertising will hunt you down? The KC Star recently made a deal with Groupon.

So it’s come to that. We’ve become a society whose mantra now is, “Show us the advertising!”  

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

Up next: Charging stations for electric cars?

From 1/28/11 issue

There’s been no shortage of accolades for downtown Kansas City’s Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts.

But can anybody recall reading so much as a single word of criticism for the posh, designer fine arts venue?

Time to bust that draught; make way for KCC’s Tony Botello.

“Keynesian economics be damned, there are a great many reasons why this project is doomed to be just another failure from this town's moneyed-class for which the rest of The City will have to pay,” Botello says. “Everybody loves something shiny but the financial reality is that this bit of costume jewelry is more like an albatross around the neck of more organic local development.  Rather than play cheerleader, let's look at the Kauffmann PAC skeptically since no other media outlet seems to be up to the task.

First of all, the economic boost from building the thing has been insignificant. Most construction jobs go to suburbanites and I look around the place and hardly ever see a person of color participating in the construction. I'm sure they could claim otherwise but they haven't really bothered to because in general KC resents FEDERAL LAW that requires equal participation.

“In terms of gentrification, the promise of the PAC has already brought real estate speculators to neighboring communities and driven poor people form their homes. Luckily, since the bottom fell out of the American housing market and things are still looking gloomy, a lot of these “investors’ deservedly lost their shirt.”

More to the point, with the Midland, Music Hall and Lyric theaters, KC doesn’t really need another fine arts venue for the thimble full of patrons that attend those events, Botello argues.

“What's happening now is that all of the local elite are abandoning the Lyric and that grand old building just might turn into rubble soon,” Botello says. “Even worse, this silly looking structure is going to sit empty as well after the novelty wears off.”

The bottom line:

“This big mass of Cowtown snobbery seems doomed,” Botello says. “And the stupid building with a parking lot subsidized by Kansas City taxpayers seems like just more bad planning and misplaced priorities from this town's leadership.”

Oscars versus Razzies

No big surprises in this week’s announcements of the 83rd Academy Awards nominations, says KCC movie geek Jack Poessiger.

“Leading the pack with 12 nominations is THE KING'S SPEECH followed by 10 for TRUE GRIT and 8 each for THE SOCIAL NETWORK and INCEPTION,” Poessiger says. “For my money there only three tight races this year. For the Best Picture category where THE KING'S SPEECH could split the vote with THE SOCIAL NETWORK. Ditto for the Best Actor category where Colin Firth (King's Speech) will be fighting it out with Jesse Eisenberg (Social Network.) And finally, in the Best Supporting Actor category where it's a toss-up between Christian Bale (The Fighter) and Geoffrey Rush (King's Speech).

And don’t miss the “Razzies” awards the day before the Oscar’s to find out the worst of the worst, Poessiger adds.

This year’s Razzies include a pair of new categories; Worst Eye-Gouging Misuse of 3-D and Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel.

Brace yourselves and stay tuned!

Electric Avenue

Looking for a family-friendly cargo van or a pickup that puts gas mileage worries in the rearview mirror?

Meet car dealer Don Kahan.

The Kansas City area Chevy dealer is leapfrogging the tiny electric car pack with a pair of full size vehicles at local Don Kahan Electric Motor Cars outlets. The first in Lee’s Summit is open for biz but awaiting its first cars. A second is poised to open at 79th and Metcalf in Overland Park sometime in March.

Just one problem…

Getting his mitts on the actual electric cars.

“Production is so far behind, they’re all out in California so far," Kahan explains. "Those tree huggers love these electric cars."

As for Kahan, “I’m still driving my Impala, but believe you me, when I get my inventory, I’ll be thumbing my nose at the Saudis, and driving an EMC--Electric Motor Car.” 

Check with your accountant, but EMC vehicles sold in 2011 qualify for a $7,500 federal tax credit.

The first three European designed models Kahan Electrics will sell are a seven passenger, crossover cargo van and a pickup truck. 

However, unlike the Chevy Volt and Nissan Leaf Kahan’s cars don’t switch over to gasoline when your battery runs low.

Instead they offer a 100-mile range that reportedly can be stretched to as much as 150 miles before the need to recharge.

“You can get about an 80% charge in three hours,” Kahan says.  He predicts many businesses will eventually offer charging stations. Cracker Barrel announced in November that it would add charging stations at 24 of its locations beginning in April.

“Now I just need the darn inventory!” Kahan says.

Hearne on the street….

Layoffs averted? After advising department heads three weeks back of more pending cutbacks and/or staff cuts, the rumor now at the Kansas City Star is they may hold off for the time being. Three years of layoff after layoff has many younger Star staffers looking elsewhere for their career paths. Former Star society and FYI editor Ann Spivak, for example, bailed recently. Reportedly for the high-paying field of education.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com.

GLAZER: MANY BLACK ATHLETES END UP BANKRUPT

From 1/21/11 issue

About Martin Luther King’s “dream”…

Monday’s national holiday got Stanford & Sons main man Craig Glazer to thinking.

 “I was watching a special about black athletes this past weekend,” Glazer says. “About how far they'd come since (King) was killed. And the answer was odd.

‘Do you know that there are more black males in prison, than in college today,’ Spike Lee said. ‘Nearly 70% of all male inmates are black with nearly 5 million men in prison today.’

“ Although some black athletes are well paid - averaging well over $1 million a year in the NBA and NFL - most are bankrupt or broke two to five years after their careers end, Glazer says.

Not a good thing.

“This made me think, ‘What did King really accomplish for black people?’ “ Glazer asks. “If you asked who the greatest leaders of this nation were during the last century, most would say King for blacks and John F. Kennedy for whites.

“They both had a lot in common. Both had many lady friends (girls they slept with) while married. Both were assassinated - likely by insiders. Kennedy did illegal drugs, cocaine, weed and so on and had mob connections. All of this was documented by the FBI. King was connected to many anti-white groups.

Both called for non-violence, yet violence was all around them.”

But back to MLK…

“What did King get done?” Glazer asks. “He asked blacks to come together and take the options given them by the President - better education and better jobs. But not much of this really ever amounted to much. Violence by blacks has increased, as has crime. Today there still are no truly major businesses owned by Black Americans on a national scale - almost none anyway. No Apples, no Googles, no Fords and so on.

“In Kansas City we have a few black doctors and lawyers that matter. But our black population for the most part is below middle class with jobs that pay by the hour.”

Not very impressive in the scheme of things.

“So the answer is, no, things are not better,” Glazer concludes. “Hip Hop is dying out - that’s a good thing. Jason Whitlock is toast. Oprah is about to retire…And having a black president has done little to solve anything. Blacks don't really relate to President Obama; they see him as more of a white guy.”

Oh and one more thing…

“There is no John F. Kennedy Day,” Glazer says. End of an era, beginning of another

The greater Kansas City area’s best known and most highly regarded music store Streetside Records in Westport will turn out the lights for the last time at 6 p.m. Sunday.

But a bold plan is being hatched and a savior will soon be realized, sources say.

Vinyl Renaissance - a music Mecca in Shawnee will reportedly reopen a music and audio store in Streetside’s digs (formerly Pennylane). The exact plans - including what to name it - are being sorted out, says a Vinyl Renaissance staffer who confirmed the move.

Meanwhile everything at Streetside is half off!

What not to wear

Forget about the 8 inch snowdrifts and arctic chills, says KCC fashionista Shauna Swanson of Hobbs in Lawrence.

When attending a concert, “You don’t have to wear so many layers that you look like that annoying little kid from A Christmas Story in his snow suit,” she says.

Calculating wardrobe options to a winter concert can be complicated but there are options.

“Here are a few tips that can make it easier to impress the masses with your fashionista genius while and bracing for old Jack Frost:

*Check the weather reports before you leave

This sounds trivial and kindergarten but it's Numero Uno. Especially here in Oz country! 

*Jeans and layers are your BFF!

Try creating your concert look by layering lots of clothing. A great pair of jeans, a favorite T-shirt, a long sleeve T, and a favorite zip hoodie or sweatshirt is an easy fix. 

*Small bags and lots of pockets!

The last thing that you want to walk into a show with is that duffle bag of a purse or your backpack. Keep it small or non-existent with the use of pockets.  The less that you have to hold, the better!

*Boots, boots and more boots!

Whether they're short or tall, lace up or pull-on, boots are always a good idea at any winter show. Comfort is key - leave those high heels at home, ladies!

Just remember, keep it easy and simple. 

You're going to a concert or show, things happen, drinks spill.  Don't wear your best and most expensive things.  The easier and more effortless you look at a show, the more eyes will be on you!”

Hearne on the street…

The North American Truck of the Year is… The 2011 Ford Explorer. But before you race out and nab one as we head towards summer gas prices some experts believe may crest $3.50 to $4.00 per gallon, allow me to remind you how car dealer lots were backed up with SUV and pickups in 2008 when gas last hit $4.

You could barely give them away.

Yet here we are giving top honors to a vehicle that gets just 2 MPG over the model it replaces.

Don't believe me? Check the digits.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kconfidential.com

CONFESSIONS OF A HOOTERS GIRL

From 1/13/11 issue

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a Hooters Girl?

Who hasn’t? Kidding, of course. But KC Confidential’s Maria Juarez doesn’t have to wonder. She’s battle tested.

She’s been there, done that and even has the T-shirt. It wasn’t always pretty, but now it can be told.

"I woke up with Sherron Collins' hand down my shirt. I was like, 'Come on now, Sherron. You know I don't like you like that!' But it's cool. I love the basketball team. We're homies. I mean, I was with Brady Morningstar when he got his DUI!"

“A gaggle of Hooters girls latched on to her every word as she ended her story with a sort of proud insouciance,” Juarez begins. “Meet Sarah - a previous coworker and managerial favorite.

Standing six feet tall in her Sketchers, she boasted double D's and a pair of perpetually bloodshot eyes, a result from her fondness of blunts and blow. Sarah was a college dropout, an ex-D1 volleyball player, and predominantly an aspiring trophy wife with a weakness for black athletes and rich older men. On the outside, she was unmistakably beautiful.

“I leaned against the front desk, indifferent to Sarah's piffle and wishing for a customer or two on a slow Sunday night. I had just stocked the napkins, straws, and condiments; the basins sat emptied, trash taken out, my section pristine and ready for business. Behind the scenes, I was everyone's bitch: stocking, sweeping, cleaning, and wiping, while the rest of the girls circled the front door like a pack of vultures. Door whores, they were called.

“Oh, it was just another day at work.”

Juarez, a journalism sophomore at KU took the Hooters gig to help fund for her college tuition.

“I was hired one week before my AP Calculus exam and one month before high school graduation,” she continues. “As the youngest girl on staff, I worked silently among the plastic bosoms of the veterans where I labored in a state of constant intimidation. I was pretty at best, and saved the majority of my money for school.

“All I could really do was work twice as hard and wear a damn good bra.”

Which brings us to the type of women who plight their troughs at the eatery famous for its owl logo and hot wings.

“There were three types of girls who worked at Hooter,” Juarez says. “For most, it wasn't a job, but a portal to a glamorous world where real work didn't exist. To this first group of ladies Hooters was trophy wife boot camp.

“The just-pretty girls who had reasonable life plans comprised the second group. And the third consisted of uncategorized leftovers. Ladies too resistible for the first but not keen enough for the second made up this passing assembly of nomads.

“I was in the second.”

Juarez’s Hooters war stories could – and someday may well – fill the chapter of a book. But it pales by comparison to the Hooters girls in the first group, she says.

“They were conniving vixens, coveted yet loathed by every coworker,” Juarez says. “Dumber than plaster and higher than the arch of their painted-on eyebrows, they were frequently seen chewing on the wallets of patrons and regulars with unwavering success.”

Well-heeled Hooters customers “relinquished the keys to their Hawaiian condos, paid for trips to Vegas, and lent Escalades to the members of Group One on countless occasions,” Juarez says. “One even paid for a girl's boob job and cosigned for her two friends.”

Successful Hooters girls flirted hard for their money and it paid off.

“Customers flocked by the dozens to throw money at their feet for a few moments of flirtatious affectation, only to have their money recycled toward the girls' personal upkeep,” Juarez writes.

“In the real world, these girls were emotional parasites who collected the drool of countless men. In the Hooters world, they were super stars, favored by the managerial staff regardless of their attendance, work ethic, and behavior.”

All that said, working at Hooters provided a larger-than-life life lesson for Juarez.

“I learned plenty through this experience. I learned how to use my charm for ill and even for good. I learned to save money, refuse under-the-table (drug) deals, and work hard even if it was to little avail. But above all, I now know that I'd rather ascend a more respectable ladder than the one placed before me at Hooters.”

More KC Star layoffs on the horizon

The drum beat of falling circulation and flagging ad revenue at Kansas City’s newspaper of record resulted in department heads being told last week that another round of layoffs is coming at the 18th and Grand.

More than 2,000 staffers worked at the Star prior to the dot com recession of 2001. My estimate now is a closer to between 500 and 700.

That’s how much pain the Internet and competition from other media has inflicted.

The cuts come at the end of the Star’s fourth quarter of 2010. Parent company McClatchy sets targets for each of its newspapers and cuts are implemented at the end of each quarter if they fail to achieve the targeted goals.

"Yeah, I think everybody was surprised, because we all thought we were doing better," says one Star staffer. "But I don't see that we've done much to pick up our circulation numbers."

The social media game

Scroll down the main page of the Star’s spiffy new web site and you’ll come to a prominent logo that takes you to the newspaper’s Facebook page.

Social media being the trendy new thing, the Star isn’t about to leave Facebook’s stone unturned.

So how successful has it been wooing a younger, trendier crowd on Facebook?

Not very.

As of Wednesday, the paper had but 175 friends and 2,520 people who “liked” its Facebook page.

Compared to lowly me with 4,991 Facebook friends – nearly double the Star’s total - and Rock 98.9 FM superstar Johnny Dare’s 38,824 fans that “like” him on Facebook.
Hearne on the street…

Fix it again, Tony: Late next month, Kansas City will get its first Fiat car dealership in 27 years!

Olathe Dodge Chrysler Jeep inked an exclusive pact late next year to sell the critically acclaimed Fiat 500 at its new Fiat of Olathe studio near 119th and I-35.

The dealership plans to open a second Fiat studio in Lee’s Summit in the next year and expand to other parts of Greater KC as sales of the 40-plus MPG car increase.

With the specter of $3.50 to $4 gas a possibility this summer; it may be a good bet.

The Chiefs lost, so what? So says Stanford’s comedy club owner Craig Glazer, an ardent football freak of the first order. Hey, if Glazer can take the disappointment, we all can.

Glazer’s rationale:

“Let me ask you this, did winning four Super Bowls with Terry Bradshaw make people want to go visit Pittsburgh?” Glazer asks. “While fans love to wear their tacky shirts and the hats of their favorite team and some will venture several hundred miles to see a game now and then, it really no longer changes the overall image of a city… So while we Chiefs fans are sad about losing yet another play-off game at Arrowhead, in the big picture it doesn't matter much to the rest of the country.”

That’s telling us!

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

LAYING THE SECRET SANTA CARDS ON THE TABLE

From 1/5/11 issue

Time to lay the Secret Santa cards on the table...

Before I begin, allow me to say that I know this is going to piss a lot of people off. People who still believe in Santa or didn’t catch on to the ruse until sophomore year in college. And people who believe everything they read.

To you folks, I apologize in advance – read it and weep. For the rest of you take it as an entry level lesson in don’t believe everything you read or see on TV.

Now on with the show…

“Like the myth of Robin Hood - the dude who allegedly stole from the rich and gave to the poor but in all likelihood never existed - the story of businessman Larry Stewart as Kansas City’s “Secret Santa,” was a carefully crafted PR concoction. Stitched together by Stewart and editors and writers - not journalists mind you - at the Kansas City Star and later at KMBC Channel 9. It was a sure fire holiday heartstring tug the newspaper trotted out every Christmas season on its front page

Even three years after Stewart's death - hard news reporter, Tony Rio, still got stuck milking the Secret Santa story..

"Their smiles cut through the sharp chill of a drab December morning," Rio panted breathlessly. "And their tears of joy washed away - if only for the moment - the dire circumstances of their lives."

That over a stranger handing someone a $100 bill? Please.

The fact is Secret Santa was one of Kansas City's worst kept secrets.
Stewart was anything but a secret to pretty much anybody and everybody who either knew or knew of him. The bottom line being that in real life Stewart was a boastful businessman who loved playing big shot and hanging with D-list celebs like former football bad boy Alex Karras (the dude who played Mongo and knocked out the horse in the movie Blazing Saddles).

Had the Lone Ranger or Superman been as cavalier about concealing their identities, the comic book super hero industry would have collapsed.

And while the Star prides itself on reporting the news, not creating it, that was hardly the case with Stewart.

Year after year the newspaper sent a reporter along, to sensationalize his giving away of money. Yet nowhere in this year's Secret Santa sequel, for example, does it state how much was given away. That wasn't not the Star's mission; the objective was to dramatize three or four examples of someone breaking down and crying or vowing to spend the $$$ to keep warm in the winter.

The grand total of the money given away by Stewart this year as reported in the Star: around $2,700. That's chump change compared to the kinda dough unsung locals give to charity. Good deeds of a far greater magnitude that go unreported and un-sensationalized in all but the most extreme, seven-figure instances.

Star publisher Mark Zieman wouldn’t allow me to report on Secret Santa because he didn’t want to kill the front page golden goose. But when about the only major media in town that didn’t know Stewart’s identity – the Pitch – asked me if it was eccentric millionaire Del Dunmire, I let ‘em in on the secret and the jig was up.

That Stewart by then had contracted cancer allowed the newspaper to make chicken soup out of chicken you-know-what and dial in the human interest otherwise missing.
So what kind of guy was Stewart?

Based on my dealings, a bully, a boozer and a braggart.

Most of my encounters with him went down at former KCMO-AM radio host Mike Murphy's Salvation Army fundraisers where he was cocktailing and rubbing elbows with bar buddies and local celebs like George Brett.

My only run in with him went down five years prior to his death in 2002.

Local photographer Debbie Sauer had told me about a song Stewart wrote called "Remember 9-11-01" and that Stewart was backing a local country crooner wannabe named Doug Davis he hoped could use his song to become the next Garth Brooks.
Never happened.

Stewart got mad at Sauer for mentioning it to me and called me at the Star to intimidate me. Right off he let me know that he was having cocktails on the beach outside Karras' ocean side home in California. From that point forward Sauer says she never got any further business from him.

Stewart’s friend, former KCMO AM host Mike Murphy says he doesn’t think Stewart had the kind of money he wanted people to think he did. Although he gave $20,000 at a pop on Murphy’s radiothon.

How much did he have and how much he gave away, we’ll never know. Because Channel 9 and the Star never bothered to report it.

USA Today properly reported that Stewart "estimated" he gave away $1.3 million over 26 years. But the Star's Lynn Franey messed up by reporting that figure as fact without any independent attribution or verification.

And that sort of sloppy reporting, ladies and gentlemen, is how myths are made.

Have Funk, Will Battle

KC Confidential political pundit Joe Miller – a former top aid to KC mayor Mark Funkhouser weighs in on the upcoming mayoral campaign.

“OK sports fans, we’ve got less than two months before the primary in the Mayor’s race and things are about to get hot,” Miller begins. “Here’s an angle you all might want to keep an eye on: The Mayor and City Council have to adopt a budget by late March. Between now and then there will be a lot of wrangling over it, both in public meetings and behind closed doors, and a few major events.”

Starting possibly with a budget battle…

“One aspect of the process that will make it interesting is that the budget will go through the Council’s Finance and Audit Committee, which is chaired by Deb Hermann, who is running for mayor against Funkhouser, who also serves on the committee. Watch for Funkhouser to use the budget to make news and to try to prove himself as a better candidate than Hermann.”

It won’t take long for the warfare to unfold.

“We should see the first blows in this fight on January 15, when the Mayor is required by city charter to deliver a draft of the budget to the City Council,” Miller says. “He and his staff will likely be working very hard over the next week or so to craft a letter to go along with the budget. It’ll be designed to make news, with sensational lines in the first several paragraphs that news reporters will be unable to resist.

You can be certain that he’ll also hold at least one press conference about it and probably a publicity stunt or two out in the city in an attempt to get a mayoral-looking picture of himself on the front page of the Star, or at least the front of the Metro section. (Hey, Star people: You should snap a picture of Gloria when you cover these events and run an image of her with the story because she’s the one who’s really in charge on the media whore front.)”

Next up: “He’ll probably go head-to-head with Hermann several times during the Finance and Audit meetings.”

And while there’ll be all sorts of conniving and backbiting among City Council members as they line up behind the sundry candidates, “The one thing we can know for sure, the members of the Council will be more or less allied against Funkhouser’s reelection,” Miller says.

Jack Goes to the Oscars
KCC’s Jack Poessiger says that while he shoveled a lot of “Tinseltown's manure” last week with his worst movies picks that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know the difference between what goes and what blows.

“To prove my point I proudly submit my top 10 picks of favorite movies during the past year,” Poessiger says. “The criteria is that I attended the particular screening going in expecting just another movie. Instead I was MORE than just pleasantly surprised by the picture's all-around entertainment value!”

The envelope, please…

“First runner-up at # 11---THE GHOST WRITER---Roman Polanski's political thriller of sexual intrigue starred Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brownian, Kim Cattrell, Tom Wilkinson, Timothy Hutton and Eli Wallach.

If you're among the many who missed this film during its limited release in Kansas City, be sure to check it out on DVD.

# 10: DESPICABLE ME---A terrific good vs. evil animated feature for all ages.

# 9: CONVICTION---Hilary Swank's best performance since MILLION DOLLAR BABY and Sam Rockwell worthy of a best supporting actor nomination as her wrongly convicted brother.

# 8: IRON MAN 2---Worthy sequel with Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow and Mickey Source delivering above expectations!

# 7: THE KING'S SPEECH---Colin Firth as King George VI with speech malfunction nails it. Meanwhile Geoffrey Rush as his speech therapist is great. Both should and WILL be nominated for Oscars!

# 6: THE FIGHTER---Definitely not your typical boxing movie. Way better! Mark Wahlberg, Amy Adams and especially Christian Bale were TERRIFIC!

# 5: SECRETARIAT---Diane Lane and John Malkovich in a great story / great movie! It deserved to do a whole lot better than it did at the box office. Excellent DVD rental.

# 4: TOY STORY 3---Tom Hanks, Tim Allen and PIXAR. Brought me to tears at the end while Disney was laughing all the way to the bank.

# 3: THE TOWN---Best police action/bank robber thriller in ages! Ben Affleck on top of his game as both actor and director.

# 2: THE SOCIAL NETWORK---Jesse Eisenberg IS Mark Zuckerberg here! Longest script of the year: 184 pages which translates into a lot of 'talk' on the screen---but it's fascinating talk plus great ensemble casting including Justin Timberlake who's getting better with each picture in which he appears.

And my favorite movie of 2010?
# 1 in MY book: The Coen Brother's TRUE GRIT starring Jeff Bridges as 'Rooster Cogburn' with Hailee Seinfeld terrific as Mattie Ross.”

(Get more of Hearne at kcconfidential.com)

PUBLISHER'S FRONT PAGE COLUMN GRINDS

From 12/30/10 issue

About KC Star publisher Mark Zieman’s front page, Christmas Day column…

Ostensibly it was about the newspaper’s raising a few bucks for a local charity. But somewhere along the way, the column morphed into an infomercial and an excuse to toot the embattled paper’s horn and grind a few axes against the lowly competition from online bloggers and the like.

Example: in an odd, non-journalistic twist, Zieman digressed into an unsubstantiated urban legend about founding Star publisher William Rockhill Nelson and an unnamed, angry mayor – presumably from Kansas City but heck, was Platte City incorporated back then? Anyhoo, this mayor dude, whoever he was, allegedly stormed Nelson's office and knocked him down because of some story the Star had run.

Hmmm, reminds me of the time UMB Banker R. Crosby Kemper Jr. stormed Art Brisbane's office after a business desk story about one of his sons from a second marriage.

"Today, we try to avoid throwing mayors down our stairs," Zieman joked. Which isn’t to say, they don’t mind throwing them under the bus.

When former KCMO 710 host Chris Stigall took KC Mayor Mark Funkhouser’s side after Funk accused Zieman of nepotism for allowing his controversial wife Rhonda’s to write a column at the Star, Zieman was majorly pissed off.

At the time I was doing thrice-weekly on-air chats with Stigall about my column in the Star and other news. But after Funk’s accusation and Stigall’s backing of it, newly appointed Star editor Mike Fannin asked me to quit the show because of Zieman's unhappiness over it.

I didn’t.

And a month or so later, guess who got laid off at the newspaper?

Then during my exit interview with Zieman - out of the clear blue sky - he asked if I'd read the Star’s editorial rescinding its two year-old endorsement of Funk for mayor.

Payback? You make the call.

Maria does Santa

Is anybody safe from the journalistic clutches of KC Confidential hit grrrl Maria Juarez?

Apparently not.

The latest to take a bullet: Would you believe, Santa Claus?

“Forgive my tardiness on this entry, for I know that it is past Christmas,” Juarez opines.

Luckily, it will come again in 364 days, which gives you fine people sufficient time to ponder my sentiments regarding the archetypal holiday hero.

Santa Claus, to put it mildly, is a springboard for irrational belief systems and a wolf beneath a beguiling red coat whose subterfuge has led to several incidences of brain tumors in small children.”

Hide the kids, the cookies and the milk, Juarez advises.

Her Top Reasons for giving the Jolly Old Elf the boot:

“1.) Santa is one fat, reckless loser. In a country where fat children run rampant like Iowa cattle, do they really need to fawn over someone who breaks into their house to eat their cookies? In addition, this amorphous sack of red velour can travel to every house in the world in 24 hours, yet is never seen wearing a helmet or seatbelt. (Despite that fact that it's not even possible to travel faster than the speed of light.)

2.) He has voyeuristic tendencies. He sees you when you're sleeping? He knows when you're awake? He knows if you've been bad or good? Yikes. Need I say more?

3.) He's an authoritarian dictator. Hell, a COMMIE! He has a sweatshop of elves employed for mass toy production all year round. Clearly, he's slowly trying to convert the world's children to his cause of "toy making". Ha! More like BOMB MAKING! We know your tricks, Mr. Claus.

4.) He's a criminal. If we know that he's coming, why does he insist on the chimney? Just come in the front door, you felon. What do you have to hide? Oh, that's right. Everything.”

PS: “Let's rid ourselves of Christmas lights, too.”

Worst movies of 2010

Skip the “Little Fockers” but don’t miss “The King’s Speech,” KC Confidential movie dude Jack Poessiger advises for the past week’s holiday fare.

Poessiger’s pick of the worst movies of 2010:

Here’s my criteria,” Poessiger says. “It had to have been a film for which I had some sort of expectations going in but came out wondering why I gave up two hours of my life on this cinematic Creme de la-crap?

“Barely missing my line-up of livid losers at # 11: SEX AND THE CITY 2. I wanted Sex in the CITY - not in the desert!

# 10: KILLERS---A bad chick-flick stays a bad chick-flick, with or without Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher.

# 9: FASTER---Dawyne (The Rock) Johnson trying to act. More like acting miserably.

# 8: HOW DO YOU KNOW---Just because they've got a $50 million payroll here doesn't mean beans when the story and chemistry don't work. Sorry Reese. Sorry Owen. Sorry Paul. Sorry Jack. Sorry if you paid $10 to see it.

# 7: THE EXPENDABLES---Sly Stallone's lame resurrection of Tinseltown's Medicare crowd. Should've bought them all a bottle of little blue pills and called it a day.

# 6: CLASH OF THE TITANS---Seemed to me like a bad dinner theatre play with crappy 3-D to match.

# 5: THE TOURIST---Two of the world's biggest stars (Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie) sleepwalking through this one while collecting huge paychecks in the process.

# 4: THE AMERICAN---George Clooney and company fooling the public with the most misleading trailer and TV spots of the year.

# 3: WALL STREET 2: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS---(Unless it had to endure this sorry sequel.) Not enough Gordon Gekko. Too much of everything else.

# 2; KNIGHT AND DAY---Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Hell-O! THAT's all they came up with? Totally underwhelming.

Which brings me to my choice for WORST FILM OF 2010.

The # 1 Stinker. So bad I wouldn't even wish it on members of Kansas City's School Board OR the Kansas City Council!

#1 McGRUBER---Will Forte proving once again to leave five-minute long SNL sketches on SNL. They just don't stretch well into two-hour long movies.

Look for my FAVORITE 10 of 2010 LATER next week!

GLAZER: COPS NEED TO PRIORITIZE

From 12/17/10 issue

That darn cat!

Last month’s mystery of the stolen-then-returned meerkat at the Kansas City Zoo wasn’t exactly a first, says zoo board member Bob Lewellen.

Though it is pretty rare.

“You know, the zoo’s over 100 years-old and how many animals have been stolen?” Lewellen asks. “I’ll bet you could count ‘em on one hand.”

In the case of the meerkat, “Somebody just got in there and stole it,” Lewellen says. “What’s really unbelievable is these meerkats are one of the meanest animals around. What we can’t figure out is how whoever stole it didn’t get ripped up.”

Lewellen views the crime as seasonal in nature.

“In the summer it would have been harder to take it,” he says. “But in the winter there are very few people out there and you know, they’re little. So if no one saw you get it you could have carried it out in a bag or a duffle or something.”

The wildest animal wilding in Lewellen’s 30 years at the zoo?

“Well, we were having a board of directors meeting one night and all of the chimpanzees got loose,” Lewellen says. “And chimpanzees are very dangerous. So we had to stay in our meeting until the zoo staff could round them up.”

Here’s the deal.

“The zoo staff has a plan for if any animal gets out,” Lewellen says. “Everybody has his assignment. They immediately take all the visitors into safe places. Then they have their assignments to control whatever animal is loose. The (zoo) employees are very well trained.’

In the case of the chimpanzee escape, “When the chimpanzees got out they wanted to go back in,” Lewellen says. “They like their habitat. What happened was a tree fell over the fence. But when the staff opened the door they all went back in.”

Police state, anyone?

The key to helping spin Kansas City’s entertainment and tourism woes into gold: law & order.

So says KC Confidential’s Craig Glazer, owner of Stanford & Sons comedy club at the Legends.

“Just like you, I read about the homicides each week in mid-town Kansas City, Missouri,” Glazer says.  “I believe these can be slowed way down with Kansas City Police in their cars and on the street in these hot spots.”

There are no guaranteed solutions, but ramping up police presence at key times in the party parts of town could stem the tide, Glazer argues.

“Granted just because police are in or near the area will not stop all the crime or killings,” he adds. “What it will do is bring the number down and make the Plaza and Westport areas much safer.”

Here’s the deal.

"Most of these shootings happen after midnight and before 3 AM,” Glazer says. “The cry from the police is lack of manpower and money to do the job at the level we all want.” That flies in the face of the massive teams police deploy to conduct DUI checkpoints and bust nightclubs by sending in minors to buy booze.

Gotta prioritize, Glazer says.

“What we need are several squad cars placed on the streets in Westport, the Plaza, Power & Light and Martini Corner to protect us, not arrest us,” Glazer says. “The Police know where these spots are and most of us do as well. I'm pretty sure the young man murdered in Westport near Kelly's would be alive today had there been a car of cops at each end of those streets.”

Maria knows best

In a world of militantly extreme political correctness, far be it for any self-respecting male to be critical of the burlesque rage that’s been sweeping the Cowtown.

Why bother? Not with KC Confidential hit grrrl Maria Juarez in the on deck circle. Juarez got an up close look at some of Kansas City burlesque’s finest – if not fittest – Sunday at the Beaumont Club.

“Now about those soft-bodied burlesque dancers,” Juarez sighs. “Before saying anything, my self-esteem is still soaring from their routine. I'm all for female empowerment and I think Burlesque is spectacular. But damn, most of the girls weren't in any shape whatsoever for strip teasing. Yikes. It's supposed to be a tantalizing affair, right? Not that night. From what I saw, Kansas City's in agonizing want of sexy burlesque recruits.”

About this year’s Mo. Tiger basketballers…

“ ‘Fastest 40 minutes in basketball’ ”?  says KCC sports columnist Curt Kitchen. “Well, I’d be willing to buy fastest “30 minutes and then hang on.” Because, right now, the Tigers have shown the ability to blow teams out of the gym for awhile before allowing ridiculously large leads circle the drain. Three of the Tigers’ last four games came down to the final possession, including Oregon nearly stealing a win after trailing by 20 at halftime. It’s a dangerous way to live, but the Tigers have made it work thus far.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

Fashion tips for your office holiday party

From 12/9/10 issue

With The Landmark holiday hoedown just around the corner, KCC fashion diva Shauna Swanson (of Hobbs in Lawrence) offers a few “don’ts” to go with the more obvious “dos.”

My advice: Stay outta trouble and heed Shauna’s advice…

Rule 1: Tree Trimmings and Wrapping Paper colors for clothing: “Try to totally avoid that ultra bright red or green dress. Even though it's not totally shameful, stay away from pairing the two colors. Keep the color palette of your holiday wardrobe clean and simple.”

Rule 2: Avoid serious cleavage: “It's always fun to show your co-workers a different side, but just remember, you have to work with these clowns for the next year or two. So if you're planning on climbing the corporate ladder, steer clear of an over indulgent, plunging neckline!”

Rule 3: Holiday Sweaters: “Unless you're Bill Cosby, this should never be an option. EVER!”

Rule 4: Steer clear of super casual: “Would you wear jeans and your old college T-shirt to work? Then why wear it to your holiday office party?! Unless the party's been moved to a paint ball course somewhere, jeans and T duos are a no-go!”

Rule 5: Stay away from too sheer, too tight, and too short: “Remember, you're not dressing to impress your favorite DJ at the hottest club in town. You're rubbing shoulders with your boss and your peers. Limit your clothing options to PG.”

Rule 6: Holiday costumes or costume-like attire is always a no-no: “Avoid antler headbands, Rudolph noses, bright, flashing holiday necklaces and joke mistletoe garments. This isn't a Halloween costume party it's a holiday party. Keep your Santa inspired train wrecks at home where they belong.”

See you at Ivan’s and remember to dress for success!

Bone dry and built to stay that way.

Forget about replacing that old snow blower and think about keeping the garden hose handy…

So says KSHB weather wonk Gary Lezak.

It’s gonna be a dry, dry winter.

“In my November 16 forecast I predicted we’d have a long dry spell and we’re in one right now. We did get 1.8 inches of rain, which helped a little.”
But not a lot. What’s next?

“We have a chance of two storm systems between December 20 and New Year’s,” Lezak says. But by then it will be close to 30 days with no measurable rain or snow.”
The long range ‘cast?

“It will be mostly dry through the winter but we’ll have a few storm systems,” Lezak says. “Last year we had 12 winter storms with 44 inches of snow. This year I’m only seeing four to six chances of winter storms.”

But don’t pack away that snow shovel just yet.

“I’m still forecasting 13 inches of snow,” Lezak says. “That’s 30 inches less than last year but that still leaves room for a 5 incher, a 3 incher, a couple of 2 inchers and a 1 incher maybe. And that still leaves room for an ice storm.”

How about coldness?

“It’ll be mostly mild,” Lezak says. “The best chance of an arctic outbreak will be in late January and early February.”
Hearne on the street…

Cupless in KC: About Kansas City’s hoped for shot at a World Cup soccer game in one of the cups.

Don’t hold your breath.

The Cowtown came up empty despite the hoopla – including an early hours Sporting Kansas City (formerly the Wizards) watch party.

So who’d the good old USA get nosed out by? Believe it or don’t, Russia and Qatar.
“Russia beat out the likes of England, Netherlands/Belgium and Spain/Portugal, prompting some to wonder if the tallying of the votes was accidentally done “golf-style,” where the lowest score wins,” says KC Confidential’s Matthew Donnelly.

As for Qatar, “Apparently, it is so hot in Qatar in the summer that all the stadiums must be air conditioned (average temperatures from May thru September exceed 100 degrees),” Donnelly says.

“Add to that the fact that alcohol is only legal in certain approved hotels and clubs, and they still practice kafeel, which is akin to modern-day slavery where a worker may not enter or leave the country without their sponsor’s consent.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

For more of Hearne, go to kcconfidential.com

Food writers like hot butchers; And more Grilling

From 11/24/10 issue

Let’s give it up for the time of year that’s near and dear to one and all…

With the exception of the grinches caged deep in the bowels of KC Confidential.
For starters, KCC food writer Jennifer Janesko touches on a few things near and dear to her holiday heart. Like “hot butchers.”

“It must be on the application, ‘Tall, hot and dark-haired men who know how to handle meat and make the girls spend major cash,’” she begins. “Once in Cosentino's I asked for short ribs and my request passed through three people in whispering tones until a tall, sandy haired cutie emerged from the back room and offered to handle my request personally. Fifteen minutes later he chased me down with a neatly wrapped package and inquired about my short rib cooking technique. His eyes glazed over as he relayed his own recipe and I simultaneously visualized his dry rub technique.

Butchers have passion and it is just damn sexy.”

What Janesko doesn’t like about the holidays?

“Dealing with novices or randoms at the grocery store. It's the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and there is grandma, pushing her shopping cart in a zig-zag pattern down aisle five. You know grandma isn't cooking the family and it's confirmed when you look in her cart and there is some pre-packaged Swiss and a couple cans of off-brand soda.

“Really? Get the hell out of here!

“The only thing worse than dealing with the person who doesn’t need to be at the store is dealing with someone’s clueless husband. This is the guy that the annoyed wife sent out of the house under the guise that she needed something from the store. And he's there looking for something completely ridiculous and non-essential to the meal. Wifey knows that she will get in a full two hours of alone time while he causes a gridlock in search of the ‘stuffed olives in a jar with a red lid and Spanish label. Not the blue label with orange letters, but the orange label with blue letters.’”

Which brings us to an open letter by KCC’s Maria Juarez to “Christmas Nazis, Thanksgiving advocates, and those on holiday power trips.”

“I have seasonal depression,” it begins. “Come mid-November, my skin pales and my dopamine levels plummet at the speed of light. I lie in bed a lot, cry in my hot cocoa, and lose faith in humanity about five times a week (as opposed to the two during any other season). Basically I'm in a four-month coma, connected to my two life support tubes:

Christmas and KU basketball… I just don't really want to celebrate the arrival of sexually-oppressed Puritan pilgrims, especially in the unpleasant company of my family. I can extend gratitude on my own; I don't need a holiday. So I'll pass on Thanksgiving and go straight to Christmas.”

Juarez advice to die hard Thanksgiving-ites:

“Just keep snorting Prozac off the Thanksgiving table, and be sure to pass the stuffing to that family member that you hate.”

Boob job alert

In the wide world of clean-cut newspapering, one has to wonder about last Saturday’s Kansas City Star.

In a front page story about airline security "getting private," the paper featured a dramatic close up photo of a security official putting the squeeze on a headless, older woman sporting a larger-than-life pair of double d's.

That’s right, king-sized breasts on the front page. And in the editorial section, too!

The editorial page even got into the act via a random sexy shot of a noticeably buxom babe serving up a PG13 profile.

“That was weird,” says one Star subscriber. “I think the Star’s getting desperate to appeal to younger, new readers.”

KU-MU at Arrowhead
Concerning the pending slaughter of the KU football team by the Missouri Tigers at Arrowhead Stadium…

Is there so much as a snowball’s chance in hades for a KU win?

“There’s no way KU’s gonna win, unless someone gets hurt, like our quarterback,” says Mo. State Rep. Jason Grill. “But you never know. I think if MU had been undefeated maybe something crazy could happen. But you’ve got to remember, the stadium is going to be 70/30 MU fans this year.”

How about a friendly wager?
Like if KU wins, Grill waxes Landmark publisher Ivan Foley’s Yugo?

“No, never,” Grill quips. “I’d wax your car though, Hearne.”

Hearne on the street…
The go - to guy in the KU ticket scandal ? The jury’s still out, but sources say party boy about town Rodney Jones would be on a list of "suspects."

"Rodney ran with a lot of people who would probably say now that they didn't run with him," says a source who asked not to be named.

Another Jones characteristic that served him well: discretion.

“When KU assistant coach Kurtis Townsend needed basketball tickets to schmooze porn star Samantha Ryan earlier this year, "Rodney was the guy," says the source. "I'm not throwing Rodney under the bus...All I know is that Rodney was one of those guys people trusted. He was the discreet guy people could go to and say, 'I met this hottie at the Granfalloon and get her four seats' and he would do that and people trusted him to be discreet. Rodney knew how to let Monica Lewinsky in the back door without telling anybody.”

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

Jason Grill talks about the campaign that did him in

Posted 11/19/10

Don’t believe for a moment you’ve seen or heard the last of Jason Grill…

Reports that the Missouri State Rep is finished in local politics are greatly exaggerated. Got that? Greatly exaggerated.

“There’s always a possibility that I could run for the same seat in two years, for sure” Grill muses. “I enjoy being a public servant; I enjoy meeting people, going door-to-door and helping people with their problems. It could be in two years - it could be in four years. It could be for something else. I’m kind of leaving my options open.”

That after Grill and every Democrat running at the state or county level in Platte County was sent packing in the recent elections.

“You know the election cycle is bad when Emanuel Cleaver is up by only like a point with something like 90 percent reporting in the most Democratic area of the city,” Grill says. “But this might be a blessing in disguise, to be able to spend the next two years back here in Kansas City.”

Grill’s defeat brings down the curtain – for now anyway – on his two terms in the Missouri house.

“I really enjoyed the job,” Grill says. “We accomplished some things that are going to be important to people in their lives. And I was very bi-partisan – I voted with Republicans and built some really good relationships - and I think that’s important in politics today.”

The main reason Grill thinks he took a bullet?

“People are always connecting the local races to the national races,” Grill says. “And my opponent tried to portray that I was connected to President Obama and Nancy Pelosi and (the Democrats) in Congress, which was not the case. And I think that’s why a lot of incumbent Democrats in more conservative parts of the country couldn’t survive. Not just here, but all over the country. I mean, guys like Ike Skelton who is a very conservative Democrat.”

All of which strikes Grill as ironic.

“Here’s the thing,” he says. “We already had a Republican legislature in Missouri, so really we just got more Republicans in office. That’s what’s so frustrating. People really weren’t reacting to state and local issues, they were reacting to national issues.”

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Grill will continue to practice law at the Kansas City law firm of King Hershey and work as an adjunct professor teaching an MBA business course at Park University.

As disappointing as his loss was, “I’ve seen such strong support from people since the election – both from Democrats and Republicans,” Grill says. “And it touched me. You know, there were a lot of people who came out and voted a straight ticket and there were a lot more Republicans than Democrats that voted this year.”

And if the current economic tea leaves are correct and the economy comes back under Obama, it could be a different story two years from now.

Speaking of which…

“There’s all kinds of funny stuff that happened in this election,” Grill says. “I sat out on street corners and we had a guy chase my campaign manager off of his property because he was a supporter of my opponent. It was just kind of scary because I had a campaign manager right out of college.

“And some of the flyers they used against me were pretty badly Photoshopped. Like pictures of Obama and me on a motorcycle with me riding behind him. They were so cartoonish, they were funny.”

But you know, hey - if the economy roars back and the Dems are in the chips two years from now, Grill might be able to use the biking with Obama ads for his campaign.

“You never know,” Grill quips.

For more Hearne and KC Confidential check out kcconfidential.com

Will the real John Mellencamp please stand up?

Posted 11/12/10

The hottest fast food chain in town is just a hop, skip and a jump from Platte County…
That would be the spanking new Jack in the Box just off I-70 at the 18th Street exit on the Kansas side.

Just how smoking hot is it?

So much so that since the grand opening last week the joint has been around the clock packed to the gills both inside and drive-thru.

“It’s non-stop,” says Jack in the Sack trainer Malissa Amos. “We’ve had people like this all the time – it never stops.”

Jack in the Box’s not-for-long, best-kept-secret: the tacos.

“People drive for miles and miles for the tacos,” Amos says. “They’re different – they’re not an everyday taco – they’re not what you get anywhere else.”

One dude ordered for 200 opening day.

“And a guy proposed on opening day out on our patio,” Amos says. “He came in ahead of time to set it up and had a jack in the box (toy) and the ring was inside of it.”

The $64 million question: Will Platte County get a Jack in the Sack of its very own out of the ones Amos says are on the way?

Stay tuned…

Kansas City, City of Losers

Sunday’s Chiefs loss to the Oakland Raiders was a perfect example of what’s wrong with Kansas City, KC Confidential’s Craig Glazer says.

“The real reason we don't have college or professional sports programs of note - meaning ones that win or get into championships - we live in Kansas City,” Glazer says. “We've been a small to medium market city for more than half a century. We're not considered a glamour town. What many of you guys don't know or won't face is that we have no real national image. None.”

It gets worse…

“What are we, a jazz town? Please. That's New Orleans. A cow town? We no longer have a big cattle base. Oh yeah, a barbecue town? Again, please!”

What it is not famous for is championship sports teams.

“The Royals and Chiefs have not been near a title in half a lifetime or an entire lifetime.

That's too long,” Glazer says. “We don't attract the best talent because our pay is generally a bit lower and the town boasts little excitement for young men looking for love